You’ve heard it. Probably from a grandparent or a particularly fed-up teacher while you were busy explaining why your homework was late or why the lawn didn't get mowed. If and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas. It’s a verbal slap. It’s short, rhythmic, and honestly, a little bit mean. But why does this specific nursery-rhyme-turned-reproach still hang around in 2026 when we have a million "productivity hacks" and AI therapists to tell us our feelings are valid?
Because it’s the ultimate antidote to the "what if" trap.
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Most people use it to shut down an argument. You’re spinning a tale of how things could have gone if only the referee hadn't made that call, or if the market hadn't dipped, or if your car hadn't hit that literal nail in the road. Then someone drops the line. It’s a reminder that dwelling on hypothetical scenarios—those sweet, crunchy "candy and nuts"—is a total waste of mental energy because those scenarios don't exist. We live in a world of "is," not "if."
The Gritty History of a Rhyme
Where did this even come from? It sounds like something Benjamin Franklin would say while fly-fishing, but it’s actually rooted in older folk wisdom. The most common version we use today is a variation of a 19th-century proverb. There’s a Scottish version that goes, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." Same energy. Different imagery.
Don Meredith, the legendary Dallas Cowboys quarterback and "Monday Night Football" broadcaster, is often credited with tattooing this phrase into the American subconscious during the 70s. He’d belt it out when a team started making excuses for a loss. It wasn't just a quip; it was a philosophy. He knew that in professional sports—and life—speculation is a luxury for losers.
Why our brains love the "If"
Psychologically, we are wired for counterfactual thinking. This is the fancy term for imagining alternatives to past events. There are two types: upward and downward.
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- Upward counterfactuals: "If I had just left five minutes earlier, I wouldn't have missed the flight." These make us feel like garbage, but they are technically supposed to help us learn.
- Downward counterfactuals: "If I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt, I would be dead." These make us feel better.
The problem is that most of us get stuck in the "upward" lane. We treat these imaginary "ifs" like they have actual value. We treat them like candy. But you can't eat imaginary candy. When someone tells you if and buts were candy and nuts, they are trying to snap you out of a dopamine loop of regret.
The Toxic Side of Speculation
Honestly, the "but" is even more dangerous than the "if."
"I was going to finish the project, but..."
That "but" is the bridge to an excuse. It’s a linguistic tool we use to preserve our ego. If we admit we just failed, it hurts. If we add a "but," we shift the blame to a circumstance. It feels better in the moment, sort of like eating a handful of literal candy, but the long-term nutritional value for your character is zero.
Think about the business world. How many startups died because the founders spent more time saying "If we get this VC funding" than they did actually building a product? They were dreaming of the nuts and candy before they’d even planted the trees.
The 2026 Perspective: Digital Coping
In the current era, we see this everywhere on social media. People live in a state of perpetual "if." If I had that influencer’s budget. If I lived in that city. If I had started investing in that specific crypto-asset back in 2023. This creates a ghost version of your life that haunts your actual life.
It’s exhausting.
The phrase if and buts were candy and nuts acts as a grounded, albeit salty, bit of mindfulness. It forces a return to the present. You are here. The floor is hard. The bank account has a specific number in it. The "ifs" are irrelevant.
How to Actually Use This (Without Being a Jerk)
You shouldn't just go around screaming this at people who are grieving or going through a genuine crisis. Context matters. If your friend just lost their job, don't tell them about candy and nuts. They’ll probably hit you.
However, you should say it to yourself.
Internalizing this rhyme is about radical acceptance. It’s about looking at a situation and saying, "Okay, the 'ifs' are gone. What is the 'is'?"
- Step 1: The Five-Minute Rule. Allow yourself five minutes of "if." Go ahead. Grieve the hypothetical. Imagine the candy.
- Step 2: The Pivot. Once the timer goes off, the phrase comes out. If and buts were candy and nuts. Cool. They aren't. What now?
- Step 3: Asset Inventory. Look at what you actually have. Not what you could have had.
The Real Value of "Nuts and Candy"
There is a flip side. Sometimes, the "if" is the start of an experiment. Scientists live in the "if."
"If I combine these two chemicals, what happens?"
The difference is action. A scientist tests the "if" to turn it into a fact. The person stuck in the rhyme is using the "if" to avoid the fact. If you are using your imagination to build a roadmap, keep going. If you are using it to build a shield against reality, you’ve got a problem.
Stop Making the Holiday Merry (In Your Head)
The second half of the rhyme—"we'd all have a merry Christmas"—is the most sarcastic part. It mocks the idea of a perfect outcome that requires no effort. Life isn't a holiday that just happens to you; it's a series of outcomes based on the choices you make with the "is" you are given.
I once knew a guy who spent three years talking about the restaurant he’d open if the property taxes in his town were lower. He knew the menu by heart. He’d picked out the chairs. But he never actually looked for a different town or negotiated a lease. He was waiting for the world to change so his "if" could become real. He died without ever boiling an egg for a paying customer.
Don't be that guy.
Actionable Takeaways for a No-If Life
- Audit your complaints. For one day, every time you start a sentence with "I would have" or "We could have," stop. Rewrite the sentence in your head starting with "Next time, I will" or "Currently, the situation is."
- Kill the "But" in apologies. Next time you mess up, say "I'm sorry I did X." Do not add "but the traffic was bad." Just stop at the period. It’s terrifying. It’s also incredibly powerful.
- Identify your "Candy." What is the one hypothetical scenario you dwell on the most? Is it a past relationship? A missed career move? Write it down on a piece of paper. Then write If and buts were candy and nuts over it in big red letters. Crumple it up.
- Focus on "What is" over "What if." This is the core of Stoicism and modern cognitive behavioral therapy. You cannot control the "if." You can only control your response to the "is."
The truth is, the world is full of people waiting for their hypothetical candy. The people who actually succeed are the ones who realize the bag is empty and go out to plant their own trees. It’s not a cozy thought, but it’s a productive one. Stop dreaming about the nuts. Go find a shovel.