Stop buying every "miracle" cream you see on TikTok. Seriously. If you’re struggling with how to make your curly hair look like those glossy Pinterest boards, the answer probably isn't in a $50 tub of gel. It’s usually hiding in your shower head or the way you use a towel. Most people treat curls like straight hair that just needs a "fix," but that's the first mistake. Curly hair is a different biological beast entirely. The cuticle—that outer layer of the hair shaft—is naturally more lifted on a curl than on a straight strand. Because of that, moisture escapes faster than a cat at a vet’s office.
Hydration isn't just a buzzword here. It’s the law.
I’ve spent years talking to stylists and reading the science behind hair porosity, and it all comes back to one thing: surface tension. When your hair is dry, it expands. It gets "poofy." That’s just your hair reaching out into the atmosphere to grab moisture because it’s thirsty. If you want to know how to make your curly hair behave, you have to saturate it before it tries to saturate itself with humid air.
The Porosity Myth and Why It Matters
You've probably heard of high, medium, and low porosity. People obsess over this. They do the "float test" where they put a strand of hair in a glass of water. Honestly? That test is kinda garbage. It doesn't account for surface tension or product buildup. A better way to tell is just to see how long it takes for your hair to get fully wet in the shower. If the water beads off like a duck’s back, you’re low porosity. If it drinks it up instantly, you’re high.
Why does this matter for how to make your curly hair actually hold a shape?
Low porosity hair needs heat to open the cuticle. If you’re putting cold products on cold, low-porosity hair, they just sit on top. You end up with a greasy mess that’s still crunchy underneath. High porosity hair, on the other hand, is like a sponge with holes. It takes moisture in, but it can’t keep it. You need proteins and heavier sealants to plug those holes. If you don't know which one you are, you're just throwing money at the wall to see what sticks.
The Squish to Condish Method
There’s this technique popularized by Lorraine Massey, the author of Curly Girl: The Handbook. It’s called "Squish to Condish." It sounds silly. It feels a bit messy. But it works because it uses mechanical pressure to force water and conditioner into the hair shaft.
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Instead of rinsing your conditioner out normally, you flip your head over. You take handfuls of water and "squish" them into your hair while it’s still coated in conditioner. You should hear a squelching sound. If it doesn't sound like a wet boot in the mud, you need more water. This creates those "clumps" that every curly person craves. If you separate those clumps later, you get frizz. Keep them together. That’s the secret.
Stop Using Your Bath Towel Right Now
I mean it. That big, fluffy, terry-cloth towel you love? It’s a curl killer. The tiny loops of thread in a standard towel act like little hooks. They grab your hair fibers, pull them apart, and roughen up the cuticle.
Use an old cotton T-shirt. Or a microfiber towel if you want to be fancy.
When you dry your hair, do not rub it. If I see you rubbing your hair with a towel, we’re gonna have words. You want to "plop" or "scrunch" the water out. Plopping is basically laying a T-shirt on a flat surface, flipping your hair onto it, and tying the sleeves around your head like a burrito. It lets the curls set in their natural shape while the cotton absorbs the excess moisture without the friction. Friction is the enemy of how to make your curly hair look defined.
The Science of Product Application
Most people apply gel to damp hair. That's a mistake. You want to apply it to soaking wet, "seaweed-feeling" hair.
Think about it this way: water is the moisturizer, and gel is the sealer. If the water has already evaporated by the time you put the gel on, you’re just sealing in dryness. This leads to that "flash drying" effect where your hair feels stiff but looks fuzzy.
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- Apply your leave-in or cream first to soaking wet hair.
- Use "praying hands" (palms flat against each other with hair in between) to smooth the product down.
- Apply your gel or mousse over the top.
- Do not touch it. Seriously.
Once you’ve applied your styling products, your hair will form a "cast." It’ll feel hard and crunchy. This is the "gel cast," and it’s a good thing. It protects the curl while it dries. Once it’s 100% dry—and I mean 100%, not 95%—you can "scrunch out the crunch" (SOTC). You’ll be left with soft, bouncy curls that actually hold their shape for more than an hour.
Diffusing vs. Air Drying
Air drying is great if you have five hours and live in a climate with zero humidity. For the rest of us, a diffuser is a necessity. But there’s a trick to it. Don’t just shove the dryer into your scalp and move it around. That creates wind, and wind creates frizz.
Use the "pixie diffusing" method. Turn the dryer off. Put a section of hair into the bowl. Press it up against your head. Turn the dryer on (low heat, low air). Hold for 30 seconds. Turn the dryer off. Move to the next section. It takes longer, but the definition is night and day.
Dealing with the "In-Between" Days
Day two and day three hair is where most people give up and reach for the ponytail holder. You don't have to. The key to how to make your curly hair last is protection while you sleep.
Silk or satin pillowcases aren't just for luxury; they reduce friction. Even better? The "pineapple." Flip your hair forward and tie it loosely at the very top of your head with a silk scrunchie. You look like a palm tree. It’s not a "look" for a date, but it keeps your curls from getting crushed while you toss and turn.
If you wake up and things are looking a bit limp, don't re-wash. Use a misting bottle with water and a tiny bit of leave-in conditioner. Spritz, scrunch, and let it air dry. Often, the product from the day before is still there; it just needs a little water to "reactivate" the polymers in the gel.
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Hard Water: The Silent Saboteur
If you’ve tried everything—the right products, the T-shirt drying, the diffusing—and your hair still feels like straw, check your water. Hard water is full of minerals like calcium and magnesium. These minerals build up on the hair and create a literal barrier that moisture can't cross.
You can buy a chelating shampoo (like Malibu C or Ouai Detox) to strip those minerals away. Use it once a month. It’s a total game-changer. Most people think they have "bad hair" when they actually just have "hard water hair."
Common Misconceptions About Curly Hair
A lot of people think they need to avoid sulfates and silicones entirely because of the "Curly Girl Method" (CGM). While it’s a good starting point, it’s not a religion.
- Sulfates: Sometimes you need them. If you use heavy oils or waxes, a sulfate-free shampoo won't get them out. This leads to scalp issues like seborrheic dermatitis.
- Silicones: Not all silicones are evil. Some, like amodimethicone, are actually great at protecting hair from heat and don't build up as easily as others.
- Co-washing: This is washing with only conditioner. If you have fine hair, don't do this. You’ll just weigh your hair down and look greasy. Use a "low-poo" (gentle shampoo) instead.
Actionable Next Steps
If you're ready to actually fix your routine, don't change everything at once. Start with these three steps this week:
- Swap your towel: Find an old 100% cotton T-shirt today. Use it for your next wash. Notice if the frizz levels change.
- The Soaking Test: Apply your styling products while you are still standing in the shower, before you even reach for that T-shirt.
- Identify Your Porosity: Watch how your hair reacts to water next time you wash. If it takes forever to get wet, use warmer water and lighter products.
Curls are a journey, not a destination. They change with the weather, your hormones, and even the age of your haircut. Be patient. Your hair isn't "frizzy," it's just a curl waiting to happen. Once you stop fighting the natural physics of your hair and start working with the moisture levels, everything clicks. No miracle products required. Just better habits and a lot of water.