Ever get that weird, tight feeling in your chest when a song hits too close to home? That's the Alan and Marilyn Bergman effect. They wrote lyrics how do you keep the music playing back in 1982, and honestly, the song is a bit of a psychological gut punch. It’s not your typical "I love you forever" ballad. Instead, it’s a nervous, slightly panicked meditation on how the hell you’re supposed to stay interesting to someone who has seen you at your absolute worst for twenty years.
Michel Legrand wrote the music, and if you know Legrand, you know it’s sophisticated. It’s sweeping. It sounds like a sunset over a rainy city. But the words are where the real anxiety lives. It first showed up in the movie Best Friends, starring Burt Reynolds and Goldie Hawn. James Ingram and Patti Austin sang it then, and it became this massive adult contemporary hit. But the lyrics aren't about the honeymoon phase. They're about the maintenance phase.
The Terror of Being "Known"
Most love songs focus on the chase. Or the breakup. Very few songs focus on the Tuesday afternoon in year seven of a marriage where you realize you've run out of stories to tell. The lyrics how do you keep the music playing ask the hard questions immediately. "How do you keep the music playing? How do you make it last?" It’s a plea for a manual on how to keep a spark from becoming just... gray ash.
People think intimacy is about knowing everything about someone. The Bergmans argue that knowing everything might actually be the problem. If you know all the jokes, all the quirks, and all the flaws, where does the mystery go? "If we can be at all times fond," they write. It’s such a specific word. Fond. It’s not "passionate" or "obsessed." It’s the gentle, sustainable kind of love that’s actually much harder to keep alive than the fiery stuff.
A Breakdown of the Bergmans’ Philosophy
Alan and Marilyn Bergman were married for over 60 years. They weren't just guessing here. They were writing from the trenches of a long-term creative and romantic partnership. When they write about the "risk" of "losing our way," they aren't talking about cheating or some big dramatic betrayal. They are talking about the slow drift. The way two people can sit in the same room and be a thousand miles apart.
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There's a line about how "the more you love, the more you lose." That’s a heavy thought for a pop song. It’s the idea that the deeper you get into a relationship, the more you have to lose if it falls apart. The stakes get higher every single day. Most people don't want to think about that. We want to think that love gets safer over time. This song says the opposite. It says love gets more dangerous because the investment is so much higher.
Who Sang It Best?
- James Ingram and Patti Austin: The original. It’s pure 80s gold, but with a soulfulness that keeps it from feeling dated. Their harmonies on the bridge are basically a masterclass in vocal blending.
- Frank Sinatra: Ol' Blue Eyes took a crack at it later in his career. When he sings it, it sounds less like a question and more like a weary confession. He sounds like a man who has seen a lot of music stop playing.
- Tony Bennett and Aretha Franklin: This version is almost too much talent for one track. It’s jazzy, slightly more upbeat, but still retains that underlying melancholy.
- Barbra Streisand: She’s a long-time collaborator of the Bergmans. Her version is theatrical. She leans into the "acting" of the lyrics, making sure you feel every single syllable.
Why the Lyrics Work (Technically Speaking)
The rhyme scheme isn't flashy. It’s simple. But the meter is what catches you. The way "How do you keep the music playing?" rolls off the tongue feels like a natural conversation. It doesn't feel like a poet trying to be clever. It feels like a person sitting at a kitchen table at 2:00 AM wondering if their partner is bored.
The bridge is the emotional peak. "And if we can be at all times fond... as our lives go on." It’s the word "on" that lingers. It suggests an endless stretch of time. That’s the scary part of "forever." It’s a long time to keep someone entertained.
The Fear of Becoming "A Story That Everyone Knows"
There’s a specific line: "And if we can be at all times fond / And not let the pride and the prejudice get in the way." It’s a nod to Jane Austen, sure, but in this context, it’s about the baggage we bring to relationships. The "pride" of not wanting to admit we're wrong, and the "prejudice" of assuming we know what our partner is going to say before they even open their mouth.
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How do you stay "new" to someone? The song suggests that maybe you don't. Maybe the goal isn't to stay new, but to find new ways to be old together. It’s a paradox. You have to change to stay the same. If the relationship doesn't evolve, it dies. But if it evolves too much, you might not recognize each other.
Michel Legrand's Harmonic Anxiety
You can't talk about the lyrics how do you keep the music playing without the music itself. Legrand used a lot of shifting tonalities. The song doesn't always feel like it’s standing on solid ground. It mirrors the lyrics perfectly. Every time you think the melody is going to resolve into a happy, simple chord, it takes a slight turn. It stays unresolved. Because that’s what the question is: unresolved. There is no answer given in the song.
The song ends on a question. It doesn't give you a "and then they lived happily ever after." It just asks the question again. It’s a loop. You keep asking, you keep trying, you keep playing.
Real World Application (The E-E-A-T Perspective)
Relationship experts often talk about "the habit of affection." John Gottman, a famous psychologist who studied marriages for decades, talks about the importance of "turning toward" your partner instead of away. That’s basically what this song is about. It’s about the conscious choice to keep the music playing. It doesn't just happen. You have to turn the crank. You have to put the record on.
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If you're looking at these lyrics and feeling a bit of dread, that’s actually a good sign. It means you value what you have. The people who should be worried are the ones who think the music just plays forever on its own without any electricity or maintenance.
How to Actually Keep the Music Playing
If we take the song’s themes and apply them to real life, there are a few things that actually work according to therapists and long-married couples.
- Stop assuming you know everything. Ask your partner questions you think you know the answer to. You might be surprised.
- Shared Novelty: Dopamine is triggered by new experiences. If you only ever do the same three things, the "music" gets repetitive. Go somewhere new. Learn a skill together.
- The "Fondness" Audit: The Bergmans emphasized being "fond." Are you actually being kind? Or are you just co-existing? Small acts of appreciation prevent the "pride and prejudice" from building up like plaque in the relationship's arteries.
The lyrics how do you keep the music playing remain relevant because the problem they describe is universal. As long as humans try to stay together for long periods of time, we’re going to be terrified of the silence that comes when the song ends. The trick isn't finding a song that never ends—it’s learning how to write new verses as you go.
If you want to dive deeper into this, don't just read the lyrics. Listen to the Patti Austin and James Ingram version, then immediately switch to the Sinatra version. The difference in perspective—from the young couple trying to make it work to the older man looking back—gives the words an entirely different weight. Pay attention to how the meaning of "fond" changes depending on the age of the singer. It’s a masterclass in how context changes art.