Ever feel like you’re just a ghost haunting your own life? You wake up. You brush your teeth. You stare at the Slack notifications until they stop looking like words and start looking like aggressive shapes. Then you do it again. It’s a specific kind of numbness that the New York Times has poked at from a dozen different angles over the last few years, especially as we all collectively hit a wall after 2020. People call it languishing, or burnout, or just "the blur." But honestly, going through the motions nyt style is more about that weird, hollowed-out feeling where you’re functional but totally checked out.
It’s not quite depression. It’s not quite "fine" either.
The Psychology of Living on Autopilot
When we talk about going through the motions, we’re usually talking about what psychologists call automaticity. It’s a survival mechanism. Your brain is a calorie-hogging machine, and if it can put your daily routine into a low-power mode, it will. Adam Grant wrote a massive piece for the Times about "Languishing," which he described as the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s that "meh" feeling. You aren't miserable, but you aren't thriving. You’re just... there.
Think about the last time you drove home and realized you didn't remember the last five miles. Your brain handled the turns, the brakes, and the blinkers while you were busy thinking about why you said that awkward thing in a meeting three years ago. That’s the brain on autopilot. Now, imagine that, but for your entire marriage. Or your career. Or your Saturday mornings.
It gets dangerous when the "motions" become the only thing left. When the ritual replaces the meaning. We see this in the NYT Well section constantly—articles about how to "spark joy" or "find your why" because so many of us are basically operating like highly sophisticated Roombas. We hit the walls, we turn around, we keep vacuuming.
Why the New York Times Keeps Coming Back to This
The paper of record loves this topic because it’s the quintessential modern middle-class struggle. It’s the "success" trap. You did everything right. You got the degree, the job, the partner, the 401(k). And yet, here you are, scrolling through your phone at 11:30 PM, feeling absolutely nothing.
A few years ago, a piece by Ellen Hendriksen explored how perfectionism fuels this. When you’re terrified of failing, you stop taking risks. When you stop taking risks, you stop feeling alive. You start performing. You’re "going through the motions" because the motions are safe. If you follow the script, nobody can tell you that you're doing it wrong. But the script is boring. It’s lifeless.
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The Physicality of the Numbness
It isn't just in your head. It’s in your body. People who report feeling like they’re just going through the motions often describe a physical heaviness or a literal lack of "color" in their day. Stress hormones like cortisol, when they’re elevated for a long time, don't keep you "up"—they eventually just wear you down. You become a shell.
I remember reading a profile in the Times about workers returning to offices. One woman mentioned that she felt like she was "performing the role of an employee" rather than actually working. She dressed the part, sat in the chair, and nodded at the right times. But her soul was somewhere else entirely. Probably at home with her cat or wondering if she should move to a farm in Vermont.
Breaking the Cycle: Beyond the NYT Advice
So, how do you stop? Most advice tells you to "be mindful."
Hard pass.
If I’m already bored out of my mind, sitting in a dark room focusing on my breath is just going to make me more aware of how bored I am. The real way out is usually through disruption.
Micro-Novelty. Don't quit your job. Just drive a different way home. Eat something you usually hate. Buy a shirt that isn't navy blue or charcoal gray. It sounds stupidly simple, but it forces the brain out of its habitual grooves.
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The "Check-In" Lie. We always ask people "How are you?" and they say "Good." Start telling the truth, even if it’s just to yourself. "I am bored." "I am lonely." "I am tired of this sandwich." Naming the feeling takes away its power to stay invisible.
Physical Jolts. This is why people do cold plunges or high-intensity interval training. You cannot "go through the motions" when you are 40 degrees Fahrenheit or trying to breathe after a sprint. You are forced back into the present moment by your own biology.
The Social Component of the Motion-Sickness
Sometimes we’re going through the motions because our social circles are doing the same. We’re all just mirroring each other's "fine." The NYT has covered the "friendship recession" extensively. If your interactions are all surface-level—talking about the weather, the commute, the latest Netflix show—you aren't really connecting. You’re just exchanging data points.
Genuine connection requires a bit of friction. It requires saying something that might be judged. It requires being a little too loud or a little too honest. Most people are terrified of that, so they stay in the "motions" lane because it’s polite. But polite is where joy goes to die.
Is Autopilot Always Bad?
Actually, no. Let's be real for a second. Sometimes, going through the motions is the only way to survive a crisis. If you’ve just lost someone or you’re going through a brutal breakup, the "motions" are your best friend. They get you out of bed. They make sure you eat a salad once in a while.
The problem isn't the autopilot itself; it’s when we forget we have the manual override. We get so used to the machine flying the plane that we go into the back and take a nap. And then ten years go by.
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The NYT recently ran a piece about "slow living," which is basically the antithesis of the motions. It’s the idea that you should do fewer things but do them with more intention. It's a nice thought, but for most people with kids, mortgages, and bosses, it feels like a fantasy. You can't always "slow live" your way through a Tuesday morning staff meeting.
Practical Steps to Wake Up
If you’re feeling the "going through the motions nyt" vibe today, here is what actually works to rattle the cage of your routine.
Stop trying to fix your whole life. That’s too much work and it’ll just make you want to go back to sleep. Instead, pick one thing that you do every single day and change the "how" of it. If you always have coffee while looking at your phone, leave the phone in the other room. If you always walk the dog on the same path, go left instead of right.
Change the sensory input. Change the lighting. Change the music.
Most importantly, recognize that the "motions" are often a sign that you’ve outgrown your current container. Your life has become too small for you, and the numbness is just your spirit trying to conserve energy until you find something worth spending it on.
Immediate Action Items
- Audit your "Musts": Look at your calendar for tomorrow. Which of those things are you doing just because you think you have to? Delete one. Just one. See what happens.
- Talk to a Stranger: Not a long talk. Just a "Hey, I like those shoes" or a comment about the absurd price of eggs. It breaks the social script and reminds you that you’re a person in a world of people, not a ghost in a machine.
- Write it Down: Grab a scrap of paper. Write down the one thing you actually cared about today. If the answer is "nothing," write that down too. There’s something weirdly invigorating about being honest about your own apathy.
- Scream (Seriously): If you’re alone in your car, yell. Not at anyone. Just make noise. It’s impossible to go through the motions while you’re making a primal sound. It reminds your body that it’s alive.
The motions are a choice we make every day until we decide not to. It’s not about finding some grand "passion" or "purpose" that the magazines talk about. It’s just about being awake for the life you actually have, even the boring parts. Because once you’re awake, you can actually start steer the ship again.