Life moves fast. You notice it when you check your "Saved" folder on Instagram or look at that stack of books on your nightstand that hasn't budged since last April. Things just slip. We call it "fallen to the wayside," and honestly, it’s becoming the defining state of the 2020s. It’s that slow, quiet drift where a habit, a project, or even a friendship just stops happening because something else screamed louder for your attention.
It’s not usually a conscious choice. You don’t wake up and decide, "Today, I will stop practicing Italian." You just have a long day at work, your kid gets a cold, the car makes a weird clicking sound, and suddenly, six months have passed. That Duolingo bird is crying in the corner of your phone, and your fluency has fallen to the wayside along with your sourdough starter and your gym membership.
The Psychology of the "Wayside"
Why does this happen to us?
Cognitive load is real. Dr. Sweller’s Cognitive Load Theory basically suggests our brains have a limited amount of working memory. When we get hit with "decision fatigue"—a term popularized by social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister—our brains start triaging. We prioritize the urgent over the important. Paying the electric bill is urgent. Reading War and Peace is important but not vital for survival today. So, the Tolstoy goes.
It’s a survival mechanism, kinda. If we tried to do everything we ever started, our brains would literally fry. But there’s a cost. When things have fallen to the wayside, we carry a weird kind of "background guilt." It’s like a computer running too many tabs in the background. You’re not using them, but they’re still draining your battery.
The Great Abandonment of 2021-2024
Look at the post-pandemic era. Remember 2020? Everyone was going to learn to knit, bake bread, and master coding. By 2022, the majority of those hobbies had completely fallen to the wayside.
Market research from companies like ClassPass and Strava showed a massive surge in mid-2020 followed by a "great thinning" in late 2021. People weren't just "quitting"; they were reverting to a baseline of exhaustion. We over-leveraged our free time because we were stuck at home. Once the world opened back up, the hobbies we thought would change our lives became chores.
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Business Models Built on Things Falling to the Wayside
Let’s be real: some industries actually pray for your goals to fall to the wayside.
Gyms are the classic example. The "Sleeper Member" is the holy grail of fitness business models. According to some industry estimates, up to 50% of gym members don't show up after the first few months. If everyone who paid for a membership actually showed up on a Monday at 6 PM, the building would violate fire codes. They count on your New Year’s resolution having fallen to the wayside by Valentine’s Day.
Subscription services do this too. It’s called "vampire spending." You sign up for a 7-day free trial of a streaming service to watch one documentary. You forget to cancel. Three years later, you’ve paid $400 for a service you haven’t opened since 2021. Your intention to cancel has fallen to the wayside, and the company is laughing all the way to the bank.
Why Relationships Are the Biggest Casualty
This is the heavy stuff.
Friendships don't usually end in big, cinematic fights. They end because they’ve fallen to the wayside. You stop texting first. They stop texting back. You both mean to grab coffee, but life is "just so crazy right now."
A study published in the journal Personal Relationships notes that maintaining a friendship requires a specific amount of shared time—roughly 50 hours to go from acquaintance to casual friend, and over 200 hours to become "close." When we get busy, those hours are the first thing we cut. We assume the friendship is stable, so we ignore it to focus on "fires" at work. By the time we look back, the connection has withered.
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It’s tragic, honestly. We treat our social lives like a luxury rather than a necessity.
The Career Pivot Trap
In the corporate world, "fallen to the wayside" is often coded language for "failed project we don't want to talk about."
Remember Google+? Or the Amazon Fire Phone? These weren't just small errors; they were massive investments that eventually had to be let go. In tech, this is often called "Sunsetting," but for the people working on them, it feels like their hard work has just fallen to the wayside.
How to Get Things Back on Track (Or Let Them Go)
If you're feeling overwhelmed by everything that's slipped, you need a strategy. You can't rescue everything. Some things should stay in the wayside.
1. The Audit of Shame
Open your notes app. Write down five things you think you should be doing but aren't. Be honest. If one of them makes you feel tired just looking at it, delete it. If your French lessons have fallen to the wayside and you honestly don't care about going to Paris anymore, give yourself permission to quit. Quitting is a skill.
2. The 5-Minute Rule
If something matters to you but keeps falling away, commit to five minutes. Just five. If you want to write a book but it's fallen to the wayside, write one paragraph. Often, the hardest part isn't the work; it's the friction of starting again after a long gap.
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3. Use Social Friction
We are social animals. If you tell a friend you're going to do something, you're more likely to do it. If your fitness goals have fallen to the wayside, don't just "try harder." Join a local run club or find a gym partner. External accountability is the only thing that beats internal exhaustion.
The Cultural Impact of the "Wayside"
We live in a "more is more" culture. We are bombarded with the idea that we should be side-hustling, working out, meal prepping, and staying informed on every global crisis simultaneously.
It’s impossible.
When things have fallen to the wayside, it's often a sign that you’re human. We are not machines. We cannot optimize every waking second. Sometimes, letting things fall away is actually a form of self-preservation. It’s a way of saying, "I can’t carry all of this."
The danger isn't that things fall; it's that we don't choose what falls. If we aren't careful, our health or our marriages fall to the wayside while we’re busy answering emails that won’t matter in two weeks.
Final Thoughts on Moving Forward
Reclaiming what has fallen to the wayside starts with a choice. You have to pick one thing—just one—and pull it back into the center of your life. Maybe it's calling your mom. Maybe it's finally finishing that painting.
Whatever it is, don't wait for "the right time." The right time is a myth. Life will always be loud. You just have to decide what’s worth the noise.
Actionable Next Steps:
- Cancel one "vampire" subscription today. If you haven't used it in three months, it has officially fallen to the wayside. Save your money.
- Send one "no pressure" text. Reach out to a friend you haven't spoken to in six months. Say: "Hey, I realized our catch-ups have fallen to the wayside lately. No pressure to reply, but I'm thinking of you."
- Pick your "One Thing." Identify the one project or habit you actually regret losing. Dedicate 15 minutes to it tomorrow morning before you check your email. Focus is a muscle; start small.