Joy Walden is the kind of protagonist who makes you want to reach through the pages and give her a literal hug, even when she’s being incredibly difficult. It’s been a few years since Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry hit the shelves, but the conversation around it hasn’t really slowed down. Most people see the bright yellow cover and the "ugly cry" title and assume they’re getting a standard, fluffy rom-com. They're wrong.
Joy is a high schooler who keeps a "Secret Red Notebook." In it, she writes down everything—her fears, her crushes, her observations about the racial dynamics at her predominantly white school. Then, the notebook goes missing. An anonymous blackmailer starts forcing her to complete a "To-Do" list of her greatest fears or they’ll leak her private thoughts to the entire school. It’s basically every introvert's worst nightmare.
What makes this story by Joya Goffney actually work is that it isn’t just about a girl and a boy. Honestly, it’s about the crushing weight of perfectionism. Joy is "Black excellence" personified, or at least she’s trying to be. She’s wealthy, smart, and plays the cello. She feels like she can’t afford to mess up because she’s representing more than just herself. That’s a heavy burden for a teenager. It’s a heavy burden for anyone.
The Reality of the Ugly Cry and Why We Love It
The title isn't just a catchy phrase. It’s a lifestyle. We live in this hyper-curated world of Instagram filters and TikTok transitions where everyone looks like they have their life together. Joy doesn’t. Even before the notebook disappears, she’s a mess of anxieties.
The "ugly cry" is a moment of total vulnerability. It’s when you stop caring if your mascara is running or if your face is blotchy. You just let it out. Goffney taps into that feeling of being totally exposed. When Joy’s secrets start coming out, she has to face the fact that she’s been hiding her true self to fit into a mold that was never built for her anyway.
A lot of readers compare this to To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and sure, the "secret writings getting out" trope is there. But this is grittier. It deals with "passing," with the nuances of Black hair, and with the specific isolation of being one of the few Black students in a wealthy environment. It’s about the politics of belonging.
Why Joya Goffney’s Debut Matters
Joya Goffney didn’t just write a romance; she wrote a manifesto on authenticity. Joy’s journey with Emil—the guy who helps her (and might be the blackmailer?)—is sweet, but the real love story is Joy learning to love her own messy parts.
The book tackles "Blackness" in a way that feels very specific yet universal. Joy struggles with feeling "not Black enough" because of her upbringing and her interests. It’s a conversation that has been happening in Black communities for a long time, but seeing it portrayed in a YA novel with such heart was a breath of fresh air.
🔗 Read more: Mike Judge Presents: Tales from the Tour Bus Explained (Simply)
The Social Media Impact and the "Ugly Cry" Trend
The phrase "excuse me while i ugly cry" took on a life of its own on BookTok. You’ve probably seen the videos. Someone holds up a book, their eyes are red, there’s a pile of tissues, and the caption says it all.
It became a badge of honor. If a book can make you "ugly cry," it’s worth reading.
But why do we want to cry? Psychologically, it’s a catharsis. We spend so much time holding it in. Reading about someone else’s breakdown gives us permission to have our own. It’s a safe space for big emotions. Joy Walden becomes the vessel for all our unexpressed teenage angst and adult burnout.
Breaking Down the Plot Without Giving It All Away
So, the notebook. It’s not just a diary. It’s a list of things Joy is afraid of. Things like "talking to my grandmother" or "telling my crush I like him."
The blackmailer makes her do these things. It’s basically exposure therapy, but non-consensual and terrifying. As she ticks items off the list, she starts to realize that the things she feared aren't actually as bad as the fear itself.
- She has to face her family’s secrets.
- She has to confront her "friends" who aren't really friends.
- She has to decide who she wants to be when the mask is off.
It’s a classic coming-of-age arc, but the stakes feel higher because of the blackmail. You’re constantly guessing who has the notebook. Is it the mean girl? The ex-boyfriend? Emil? The suspense keeps the pages turning, but the emotional growth is what makes you stay.
The Problem With Perfection
Joy’s parents are a big part of the story. They aren't villains, but their expectations are suffocating. They want her to be the best. They want her to be safe. In their minds, being the best is being safe.
💡 You might also like: Big Brother 27 Morgan: What Really Happened Behind the Scenes
This resonates with anyone who has ever felt like they were living their life for someone else. Whether it’s parents, a boss, or just "society," the pressure to perform is exhausting. Joy’s "ugly cry" is the sound of that pressure valve finally popping.
What Most People Get Wrong About This Story
A common critique is that Joy is "whiny" or "annoying."
That’s actually the point.
She’s a teenager! Teenagers are supposed to be a little self-absorbed and dramatic. If she were a stoic, perfect heroine, the story wouldn't work. The fact that she’s frustrating makes her real. We’ve all been that girl who thinks her world is ending because of a social mishap.
Also, some people think it’s just a "race book." It’s not. It’s a book about a girl who happens to be Black and how that identity shapes her specific brand of anxiety. It’s intersectional. You can’t separate Joy’s race from her story, but the themes of heartbreak and bravery are for everyone.
The Emil Factor
Emil is great. He’s the "bad boy" who isn't actually bad. He’s just... himself. He provides a stark contrast to Joy’s polished exterior. He’s messy, he’s honest, and he encourages Joy to be the same.
Their chemistry is undeniable. It’s not that insta-love stuff that feels fake. It’s built on shared secrets and late-night adventures. It’s the kind of relationship that makes you remember what it felt like to be seventeen and feel like the person sitting next to you is the only person in the world who "gets" it.
📖 Related: The Lil Wayne Tracklist for Tha Carter 3: What Most People Get Wrong
Beyond the Book: The Author’s Voice
Joya Goffney based parts of this on her own experiences. You can feel that. There’s a level of detail—like the way Joy feels in a hair salon or the specific tension at a dinner party—that you can’t fake.
Goffney has since written other books, like Confessions of an Alleged Good Girl, which continues these themes of breaking out of expectations. She’s carved out a niche for herself: the queen of the "internal mess turned external."
The Lasting Legacy of the Ugly Cry
Why are we still talking about this book years later?
Because the "ugly cry" is universal.
In a world that demands we be "on" 24/7, the idea of just losing it—completely and totally—is incredibly appealing. It’s a form of rebellion. Joy Walden’s rebellion started with a stolen notebook, but it ended with her taking back her own narrative.
If you’re looking for a read that will make you feel everything, this is it. It’s not always pretty. In fact, it’s mostly "ugly." But that’s where the truth is.
Actionable Insights for Readers and Writers
If you’ve read the book or are planning to, here is how to take those themes into your own life:
- Audit your "Secret Notebook": We all have things we’re afraid of. Write them down. You don’t need a blackmailer to force you to face them. Pick one small fear this week and tackle it.
- Embrace the Mess: Stop trying to be the "polished" version of yourself for people who don't even matter. The people who actually care about you will stay for the ugly cry.
- Support Diverse YA: Authors like Joya Goffney are changing the landscape of literature. If you enjoyed this, look for other "Black Joy" stories that don't just focus on trauma, but on the complexity of growing up.
- Practice Vulnerability: It sounds like a buzzword, but it’s a skill. Start by being honest with one person about one thing you’re struggling with. It’s the fastest way to build a real connection.
- Read for Catharsis: Don't be afraid of "sad" books. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what your nervous system needs to reset. Use fiction as a tool for emotional release.