Envy is a strange, heavy thing. It’s that prickle in the back of your throat when you see someone who seems to have cracked the code of existing. You know the feeling. You’re scrolling, and there they are—the "us" of the moment. They have the effortless hair, the career that feels like a hobby, and a social circle that looks like a high-budget ad for expensive gin. Honestly, the phrase everyone wants to be us isn't just a cocky caption on an Instagram post from a girl in a bikini in Positano. It’s a psychological phenomenon. It's about the projection of a "perfect" collective identity that makes everyone else feel like they’re missing the party.
People crave belonging. But more than that, they crave being part of the group that others look at with a mix of awe and resentment.
The Mirage of the "Us" Group
When we say everyone wants to be us, who are we actually talking about? In 2026, the definition of the "in-crowd" has shifted away from old-money elitism toward a hyper-curated, "quiet luxury" aesthetic mixed with high-performance productivity. We see this in the "Clean Girl" aesthetic or the "Tech Bro" optimization circles. These groups don't just exist; they perform.
Sociologist Pierre Bourdieu talked about "cultural capital." It’s not just about how much money you have in your Chase savings account. It’s about knowing which specific brand of unlabelled sneakers to wear. It's about knowing the "right" sourdough starter recipe or the specific obscure supplement that makes you sleep like a rock. When a group masters these signals, they create an aura of exclusivity. They become the "us."
The Digital Mirror
Social media didn't just change how we see others. It changed how we weaponize our own happiness.
Studies from the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology have long suggested that upward social comparison—looking at people we think are "better" than us—is a fast track to depressive symptoms. But there’s a flip side. The people being looked at get a massive hit of dopamine. Being the object of envy is a powerful social currency.
It’s addictive.
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Think about the "influencer" family. Every photo is color-coordinated. Every "candid" laugh is staged. They are signaling a life of zero friction. And friction is what most of us live in every day. Traffic, burnt toast, credit card debt—that’s reality. When we see a group that seems to have bypassed reality, we don't just want their stuff. We want their lack of struggle. We want to be in that "us" because it looks safe.
Why Branding Relies on the "Everyone Wants to Be Us" Energy
Marketing experts have been exploiting this for decades. Look at Apple. They didn't sell computers; they sold the idea of being the kind of person who uses an Apple computer. Creative. Cool. Ahead of the curve.
- They create a "we" (the innovators).
- They identify a "them" (the beige, corporate masses).
- They make the "we" so attractive that the "them" will pay a 40% markup just to bridge the gap.
Nike does the same thing. Their "Winning Isn't for Everyone" campaign is a masterclass in this. It’s exclusionary. It’s harsh. It basically says: "We are the elite, the winners, the ones who wake up at 4 AM to suffer for greatness. You can join us, but only if you have the grit." It makes you want to buy the shoes just to feel like you’ve been initiated into the cult of the disciplined.
The Dark Side of Being Envied
Is it actually fun to be the person everyone wants to be? Sorta. But it’s also a trap.
When your entire identity is built on being the "gold standard," you can't afford to fail. You can't have a bad day. You can't be "messy." The pressure to maintain the facade of the "us" group leads to what psychologists call "high-functioning anxiety." You're constantly scanning for threats to your status. You're worried that the next "us" is coming along to replace you.
Take the "Alpha Male" or "High-Value Woman" trends that have plagued the internet lately. These are groups built entirely on the premise that everyone wants to be us. But if you look closely at the forums and the content, it’s deeply insecure. It’s a performance of confidence to hide a profound fear of being ordinary.
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Authenticity vs. Performance
There’s a massive difference between a group of friends who are genuinely happy and a group that is performing happiness for an audience.
- Genuine Groups: Focus on internal connection. They don't care if you're watching.
- Performance Groups: Focus on external validation. Their "fun" is measured by the quality of the photos they took.
The irony? We usually want to be the genuine group, but we end up imitating the performance group because their life is easier to document and replicate.
The Science of Social Hierarchy
We are primates. We can't help it. Our brains are hardwired to track status because, for most of human history, higher status meant better food and a lower chance of being eaten by a leopard.
The "us" group represents the top of the local hierarchy. When we see them, our brains trigger a "status gap" response. It feels like a physical itch. We try to scratch it by buying the same clothes, using the same slang, or visiting the same vacation spots. But the itch stays because you can't buy belonging. You can only buy the look of belonging.
How to Handle the Envy (Or the Fame)
If you find yourself constantly wishing you were part of that "us" group, you've got to realize you're looking at a highlight reel. Nobody’s life is that smooth. Not even the people who seem to have it all.
Actually, the people who seem the most "perfect" are often the loneliest. Why? Because they can't show their real selves to anyone without breaking the brand. They are trapped in a cage made of gold and "likes."
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On the flip side, if you are currently in a position where it feels like everyone wants to be us, be careful. It’s easy to start believing your own hype. It's easy to start looking down on others. That’s how "cool" groups become "toxic" groups. The moment a group starts defining itself by who it excludes rather than who it includes, it starts to rot from the inside.
Breaking the Cycle of Comparison
- Audit your feed. If following a certain "squad" makes you feel like garbage about your own life, hit unfollow. It’s not "inspiration" if it makes you miserable.
- Find your own "us." A group of three people who actually know your middle name and your biggest fear is worth more than a thousand people who want your life but don't know your heart.
- Focus on "doing" rather than "seeming." The most enviable people are usually the ones who are too busy enjoying their lives to worry about whether they look enviable.
Real-World Examples of the Envy Trap
Look at the history of social scenes. The "Bright Young Things" in 1920s London. The Studio 54 crowd in the 70s. The "Socialite" era of the early 2000s with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. In every era, there is a group where the prevailing sentiment is that everyone wants to be us.
But look at what happened to them. Most of those scenes ended in burnout, addiction, or a desperate struggle to remain relevant as the world moved on. The world always moves on. The "us" of today is the "who?" of tomorrow.
The Power of Being "Them"
There is a certain freedom in being the "them"—the people who aren't in the spotlight, who aren't being envied, who are just living. You get to make mistakes. You get to be uncool. You get to change your mind without a public relations crisis.
The most successful people I know don't actually want everyone to want to be them. They want to be left alone to do their work. They value privacy over prestige. They realize that being the "it" group is a full-time job that pays in fake currency.
Practical Steps to Build a Life You Actually Like
Instead of trying to join the "us" that everyone is obsessing over, focus on these actionable shifts. This isn't about "manifesting" or "vibrations." It’s about social psychology and practical boundaries.
- Define your own metrics for success. If your goal is "be envied," you will never be satisfied because there is always someone with a bigger boat or a flatter stomach. If your goal is "have three nights a week where I laugh until I cry," that’s achievable and infinitely more rewarding.
- Invest in "Third Places." Get off the internet and find a physical space—a gym, a book club, a community garden—where you are valued for what you contribute, not how you look.
- Practice "Selective Vulnerability." If you are the one people are looking up to, show the cracks. Tell your friends when you're struggling. It breaks the "perfection" spell and creates actual intimacy.
- Recognize the Marketing. Next time you see an ad or a post that makes you feel like you're on the outside looking in, ask yourself: "What are they trying to sell me?" Usually, the answer is a product that promises to buy you entry into the "us" group. Spoiler: It won't.
Building a life that feels good on the inside is vastly superior to building a life that looks good on the outside. The phrase everyone wants to be us is a siren song. It sounds beautiful, but if you follow it too closely, you'll end up crashing against the rocks of your own expectations. Focus on your own path. The right people will walk it with you, and eventually, you'll realize you don't need the world's envy to feel complete. You just need to be okay with being you.