You’re sitting on your couch, scrolling through podcasts or scrolling through Instagram, and you see something about "evidence-based growth" or "conscious uncoupling." It sounds like jargon. But behind a lot of the high-quality, actionable relationship advice circulating today is the influence of Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby. She isn’t just another influencer with a microphone and a ring light. She’s a licensed psychologist, a marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach who basically decided the traditional "sit on a couch for five years" model of therapy was broken.
She's the founder of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. That’s her home base. But what’s interesting isn’t just the business—it’s the philosophy. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby treats heartbreak like a legitimate physiological withdrawal. She treats career coaching like a psychological deep-dive. She’s essentially bridged the gap between clinical psychotherapy and "get-it-done" life coaching.
The Science of Heartbreak and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Most people find their way to Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby when their lives are falling apart. Specifically, when a relationship ends. We’ve all been told to "just move on" or "give it time." Honestly? That’s terrible advice.
Dr. Bobby’s work, particularly her book Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love, treats the end of a relationship like a chemical detox. It’s not just a metaphor. When you’re going through a breakup, your brain is literally screaming for a hit of dopamine and oxytocin that it used to get from your partner. She looks at the fMRI studies showing that the brain of a heartbroken person looks remarkably similar to the brain of someone withdrawing from cocaine.
This isn't just about "feelings." It’s biology.
Why Traditional Therapy Fails the Brokenhearted
Traditional therapy is often retrospective. You talk about your mom. You talk about your childhood. You talk about why you choose the people you choose. And look, that’s great. It’s important. But if you’re in the middle of a "breakup emergency," you don't need to know why you liked your third-grade teacher; you need to know how to stop texting your ex at 2:00 AM.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby argues for a more proactive approach. This is where her "coaching" side comes out. In her view, therapy should provide immediate stabilization. You need "triage" before you need "surgery." Her approach at Growing Self focuses on evidence-based strategies, often pulling from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Gottman Method principles, to help people regain their footing before diving into the deep-seated "why."
The Difference Between Therapy and Coaching (According to Dr. Bobby)
This is a huge point of confusion for most people. Is it coaching? Is it therapy? Does it even matter?
Actually, it matters a lot.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is very vocal about the distinction. Therapy is usually about "healing." It’s for when you’re struggling to function, dealing with clinical depression, or processing trauma. It’s looking back to fix the present. Coaching, however, is about "growth." It’s for people who are functioning fine but want to be better. They want a better marriage, a better career, or more confidence.
The Growing Self Model
At her practice, Growing Self, she employs a massive team of practitioners. But she’s picky. She doesn't just hire "life coaches" who took a weekend seminar. She emphasizes that her coaches are also licensed mental health professionals. Why? Because if a "coach" is working with you on your career and discovers you have deep-seated, undiagnosed ADHD or clinical anxiety, a standard coach is out of their depth. A therapist-coach, the kind Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby advocates for, can pivot.
- They understand the clinical roots of behavior.
- They use metrics to track progress.
- They don't just "cheerlead"—they challenge.
- The focus is on "Positive Psychology," which focuses on strengths rather than just "what's wrong."
Solving the "Roommate Syndrome"
One of the biggest issues Dr. Bobby tackles in her Love Lab and through her various media appearances is what she calls "Roommate Syndrome." You know the vibe. You’ve been married for ten years. You’re great at co-parenting. You’re a lean, mean, household-managing machine. But you haven't had a real, intimate conversation—or meaningful sex—in months.
She’s a huge proponent of the Gottman Method, which is the gold standard for relationship research. John Gottman can basically predict a divorce with 90% accuracy just by watching a couple fight for 15 minutes. Dr. Bobby uses these findings to help couples move away from "The Four Horsemen": Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
But she adds a layer of modern reality to it. She talks about the "invisible labor" of women. She talks about the "mental load." She’s very aware of how 21st-century burnout kills romance. It’s not just about "dating your spouse"; it’s about restructuring your life so you actually have the energy to want to date your spouse.
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The Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast
If you want to understand the breadth of her knowledge without booking a session, her podcast is the place. It’s been running for years. It’s called the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
It’s not flashy. It’s not full of clickbait. It’s basically Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby talking directly to you for 45 minutes about things like "Attachment Styles" or "How to Deal with a Narcissist." She brings on guests, but often it’s just her, breaking down complex psychological concepts into things you can use while you’re doing the dishes.
The episodes on "Ambiguous Loss" are particularly powerful. This is the grief you feel when someone is still alive but "gone" in some way—maybe through dementia, or maybe just because you’ve drifted apart. She gives a name to things we feel but can’t quite articulate. That’s her superpower.
Career Coaching as Mental Health Care
We spend 40+ hours a week working. If those hours suck, your mental health will suck. It’s that simple.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby treats career coaching as an extension of personal well-being. She’s noted that many people come in for "anxiety" when the reality is they are in a toxic work environment that is gaslighting them. Or, they have "imposter syndrome" because of childhood experiences where they were never "good enough."
By combining career strategy with psychological insight, she helps people make pivots that aren't just about a bigger paycheck, but about "Self-Actualization." That’s a Maslow term, by the way. It basically means becoming the best version of yourself.
What People Get Wrong About Her Work
Some critics of the "coaching" industry think it’s "therapy-lite." And in many cases, they’re right. There are a lot of "gurus" out there with zero training giving dangerous advice.
But Dr. Bobby is different because she’s anchored in the medical and academic world. She’s not telling you to "manifest" a better life. She’s telling you to regulate your nervous system, practice "active listening," and understand your "internal family systems." It’s work. It’s not always fun. But it’s effective because it’s based on how human brains actually function.
Dealing with the "Dark Side" of Self-Help
She’s also very careful about the "Toxic Positivity" trap. You won’t find her saying "good vibes only." In fact, a lot of her work is about sitting with the "bad vibes."
- She teaches people how to grieve properly.
- She explains that "anger" is often a protective mask for "fear."
- She acknowledges that some relationships should end.
- She validates that sometimes, life is just objectively hard, and no amount of "reframing" will change that.
Practical Steps Inspired by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby’s Philosophy
If you're looking to apply some of this to your own life, you don't necessarily have to sign up for a full program tomorrow. You can start by changing how you look at your own "stuckness."
Identify the state of your "Emotional House." Are you in a crisis (The Basement), or are you just looking to remodel (The Main Floor)? If you're in the basement, stop looking for "life hacks" and start looking for stabilization and healing.
Track your "Triggers" like a scientist. Dr. Bobby often suggests looking at the data of your own life. When do you feel the most anxious? Is it after talking to a certain person? Is it at a certain time of day? Once you have the data, you can make a plan.
Understand your Attachment Style. Are you Anxious? Avoidant? Secure? Most of our relationship problems stem from these early-life blueprints. If you know you're Anxious, you can learn to self-soothe instead of spiraling when your partner doesn't text back immediately.
Practice "Radical Acceptance." This is a core DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) concept she often references. It’s about accepting the reality of a situation—even a painful one—so that you can move forward. Resistance to reality is where most of our suffering comes from.
Audit your "Relationship Bank Account." This is a Gottman-ism that Dr. Bobby frequently highlights. For every one negative interaction with your partner, you need five positive ones to stay in the "black." If your "account" is overdrawn, no wonder you’re fighting all the time.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby has managed to take the "scary" out of psychology and the "fluff" out of coaching. By blending the two, she’s created a roadmap for people who want to be better, feel better, and love better, without having to spend a decade on a leather sofa talking about their dreams. It’s about the "here and now," with a very clear eye on the "what's next."
If you're feeling stuck, the first step is usually just admitting that the old way of doing things—ignoring the problem or just "trying harder"—isn't working. From there, you can actually start the work of growing self.