It’s a gut-punch of a sentence. Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought to. Most people hear that and immediately think of that one arrogant coworker who takes credit for every presentation, or the "influencer" posting staged photos of their "hustle." We love applying this rule to others. It’s much harder when the mirror is turned around.
Humility isn't about self-loathing. It isn't about pretending you're bad at your job or telling everyone you're "trash" at chess when you’re actually a grandmaster. That’s just "humble bragging" or, worse, a weird form of dishonest manipulation. Real humility is about accuracy. It's about seeing your place in the ecosystem without the filter of an inflated ego.
The Psychological Trap of the "Better-Than-Average" Effect
Most of us are walking around with a skewed internal compass. In psychology, there’s this thing called the Better-Than-Average Effect (or illusory superiority). Social psychologist David Dunning—half of the duo behind the famous Dunning-Kruger effect—has spent decades showing how we consistently overestimate our own abilities.
Whether it's driving, intelligence, or even how "unbiased" we think we are, most people rank themselves in the top 10% to 20%. Mathematically, that’s impossible. We can’t all be the smartest person in the room. When the Bible or ancient Stoic philosophers say do not think more highly of yourself, they aren't just giving moral advice; they're giving a warning about a cognitive glitch that makes us act like idiots.
Think about the last time you got into a heated argument. You probably felt 100% certain you were right. You felt your perspective was the "objective" one and the other person was just being difficult or biased. That is the ego talking. It’s the "highly" part of your self-perception clouding the reality that you might actually be missing half the facts.
Why Social Media Makes "Not Thinking Highly" Nearly Impossible
We live in a curated era. You aren't just living your life; you’re managing a brand, even if you only have fifty followers. Every post is a highlight reel. This creates a feedback loop where we start to believe our own hype.
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If you get 500 likes on a photo where you look "perfect," your brain registers that as a baseline. You start to think that the filtered, edited version of your life is the actual you. When real life doesn't match that digital pedestal—when you fail, get rejected, or just feel average—the crash is brutal.
The command to do not think more highly of yourself acts as a safety net. If you don't build a pedestal for yourself, you can't fall off it. It’s about groundedness.
The Difference Between Confidence and Arrogance
People often worry that if they stop "thinking highly" of themselves, they’ll lose their edge. They think they need that bravado to win at business or sports. But look at someone like C.S. Lewis. He famously noted that humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.
- Confidence is knowing you have the skills to handle a situation.
- Arrogance is thinking those skills make you inherently better than the person standing next to you.
- Humility is recognizing that your skills are often the result of luck, timing, and people who helped you along the way.
Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Stress
The phrase actually stems from a specific context in the New Testament—Romans 12:3. But you don't have to be religious to see the utility. The Stoics said similar things. Epictetus argued that it's impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. If you think you're the "expert," you stop growing. You stop listening. You become a fossil.
In a fast-moving economy, thinking too highly of yourself is a career killer. The moment you decide you've "arrived," you stop adapting. The person who stays humble is the one who keeps asking questions. They're the one who realizes that a 22-year-old intern might actually have a better handle on a new piece of technology than they do.
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The Physical Toll of a Big Ego
It sounds weird, but there’s actually a health component here. High levels of "defensive high self-esteem"—basically, people who think they are great but are secretly very fragile—show higher physiological stress responses when challenged.
When your identity is tied to being "the best" or "the smartest," every critique feels like a life-threatening attack. Your cortisol spikes. Your heart rate goes up. You enter fight-or-flight mode over a minor suggestion in a Google Doc.
If you embrace the idea to do not think more highly of yourself, critiques don't hurt as much. You can look at a mistake and say, "Yeah, I messed that up. I'm human. Let's fix it." There's an incredible amount of freedom in being able to be wrong.
Breaking the Loop: How to Be Honest With Yourself
So, how do you actually do this? How do you keep the ego in check without becoming a door mat?
- Seek out "Truth-Tellers." We all have "yes-men" in our lives—friends who just agree with us because it’s easier. You need at least one person who will tell you when you're being a jerk or when your "brilliant" idea is actually mediocre.
- Audit your successes. When something goes right, list every factor that contributed to it. Did you work hard? Sure. But did you also have a good mentor? Did the market happen to be in your favor? Did you have the health and resources to put in the hours? Recognizing external factors naturally lowers the "I'm a genius" sentiment.
- Practice being "the student" in something you're bad at. Pick up a hobby where you are a total beginner. Whether it’s Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, pottery, or learning a new language, being bad at something keeps you grounded. It reminds you what it feels like to struggle.
- Listen more than you talk. This is the simplest hack. If you’re talking, you’re usually asserting your own importance or ideas. If you’re listening, you’re acknowledging that someone else has something worth hearing.
Dealing With the "I'm Special" Delusion
We’re taught from childhood that we’re special. And in a cosmic, individual sense, sure, everyone has value. But the "special" trap makes us feel entitled to better treatment, faster service, or more recognition.
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When you sit in traffic, do you get irrationally angry? That’s often because you think your time is more valuable than everyone else’s. You think you shouldn't have to wait. That is thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to. Everyone in those cars has somewhere to be. Everyone has a life just as complex and stressful as yours.
Recognizing our "ordinariness" is actually a relief. You don't have to carry the weight of being a protagonist in a movie where everyone else is just an extra. You're just part of the crowd. And that’s okay.
The Leadership Angle: Why Humble Bosses Win
There’s a massive body of research, including Jim Collins' famous "Level 5 Leadership" study in the book Good to Great, that shows the most successful CEOs aren't the flashy, ego-driven ones. They are the ones who are "quietly dogged." They give credit to their teams when things go well and they take the blame when things go south.
If you think too highly of yourself as a leader, you create a culture of fear. People won't tell you the truth because they don't want to bruise your ego. Then, the company hits an iceberg that everyone saw coming except you.
Actionable Steps to Ground Your Ego
Don't wait for a life-altering failure to bring you down to earth. You can start small.
- Admit a mistake publicly today. It doesn't have to be huge. Just say, "I was wrong about that," without adding a "but" at the end.
- Perform an anonymous act of service. Do something for someone else where you get zero credit. No social media post. No telling your spouse. Just do it and let the "good feeling" be enough. This severs the link between doing good and feeding the ego.
- Change your internal self-talk. When you find yourself judging someone else, ask yourself: "In what way am I exactly like them?" If you see someone being lazy, remember a time you slacked off. If you see someone being rude, remember a time you were stressed and snapped at a cashier.
Living with the mindset to do not think more highly of yourself is a constant practice. It’s not a destination you reach. It’s a daily correction of a natural human tendency to drift toward arrogance. When you stop trying to be the "greatest," you actually become a lot more useful to the people around you. You become more observant, more empathetic, and weirdly enough, a lot more confident—because you no longer have anything to prove.
Next Steps for Practical Humility
To move forward, pick one area of your life where you feel most "superior"—maybe it’s your parenting, your technical skill, or your moral standing. For the next week, intentionally look for people who do that one thing differently or better than you. Study them. Ask them questions. Force your brain to acknowledge that your way isn't the only way, and it certainly isn't the "best" way by default. This simple shift in perspective can break the cycle of self-inflation before it starts causing real damage to your relationships.