We’ve all seen that person. Maybe you were that person. The one who stayed out too late, burnt the proverbial bridges, and generally acted like they had something to prove to a world that wasn't even watching. There’s a specific kind of weight that comes with the phrase used to be one of the rotten ones. It implies a transformation that isn’t just about "growing up," but about a fundamental shift in how a human being interacts with their surroundings.
It's messy.
Growth isn't a straight line, and honestly, the "rotten" phase usually lasts way longer than we'd like to admit when we're looking back through the lens of our current, more polished lives. You don't just wake up one day and decide to be a saint. Usually, it takes a massive, ego-bruising reality check to realize that the path you're on is leading straight to a dead end.
The Psychology Behind the Rotten Phase
What does it actually mean to be "rotten" in a social or behavioral sense? Psychologists often look at this through the lens of antisocial behavior or "Dark Triad" traits, though usually, for the average person, it’s just a potent mix of insecurity and a lack of emotional intelligence.
According to Dr. Terrence Real, a renowned family therapist and author, many people who exhibit "rotten" behavior are actually operating out of a place of "grandiosity" to cover up deep-seated shame. It’s a defense mechanism. If you’re the loudest, meanest, or most reckless person in the room, nobody can get close enough to see that you’re actually terrified. This isn't an excuse, obviously. It’s just how the gears turn.
People don't stay in that phase forever unless there's a serious underlying clinical issue. Most of us eventually hit a wall. Maybe it’s a lost job. Maybe it’s the look on a parent’s face. Or maybe it’s just the sheer, exhausting weight of having to maintain a "tough" or "rebellious" persona when you’re actually just tired.
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Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
The shift from being used to be one of the rotten ones to being someone people actually trust involves a grueling process of self-inventory. You have to look at the wreckage.
- First, there's the realization. This is the "Oh, I'm the problem" moment. It’s painful.
- Then comes the apology tour, which usually fails because people don't owe you forgiveness just because you've suddenly found your conscience.
- Finally, there's the long, boring work of being consistent.
Consistency is the enemy of the "rotten" ego. The ego wants big gestures and dramatic scenes. Real change is just showing up on time and not being a jerk for three years straight.
Why We Love a Redemption Arc
Society is obsessed with the idea of the "reformed" individual. From Robert Downey Jr.’s well-documented journey from the legal system to becoming the face of a multi-billion dollar franchise, to the local guy in your town who finally got sober and opened a gym, we love a comeback.
But why?
It's because it gives us hope for our own flaws. If someone who used to be one of the rotten ones can turn it around, maybe our own smaller mistakes aren't permanent. It validates the idea that human character is plastic, not set in stone.
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However, there’s a nuance here that gets missed in the movies. In real life, the "rotten" past leaves scars. There are people who won't come back to your life. There are reputations that stay stained in certain circles. And that’s okay. Part of the redemption process is accepting that you can't control the narrative of your past; you can only control the actions of your present.
The Biological Component of Change
Can a brain actually change? Yes. Neuroplasticity is a real thing. When you stop reinforcing the neural pathways associated with impulsivity and aggression, and start practicing empathy and patience, your brain physically rewires itself.
It takes time. Roughly 66 days to form a new habit, according to a study from University College London, but significantly longer to overwrite a personality trait. If you were "rotten" for a decade, don't expect a three-month stint of being "nice" to fix your internal wiring. You’re looking at years of intentional effort.
What Nobody Tells You About Moving On
The hardest part about having used to be one of the rotten ones is the "ghost" of your former self. You’ll be at a party or a meeting, and someone will bring up something you did eight years ago. Your stomach drops. You feel like that person again for a split second.
The key is not to get defensive.
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Defensiveness is a relic of the old you. The new you should be able to say, "Yeah, I was a total mess back then. I’m really sorry I did that."
There's an incredible power in owning your former "rottenness" without letting it define your future. It’s the difference between being a "recovering" jerk and someone who has actually integrated their shadow, as Carl Jung would put it. You know you have the capacity to be bad, which makes your choice to be good much more meaningful.
Real World Steps for Turning the Page
If you feel like you’re currently in your "rotten" era and want out, or if you’re struggling to shed the reputation of your past, here is how you actually handle it. No fluff.
- Stop talking and start doing. Nobody believes your "I’ve changed" speech. They believe your third year of holding down a job and paying your debts.
- Change your environment. If you hang out with people who still celebrate the "rotten" version of you, you will never fully leave that version behind. It’s a harsh truth. You might have to lose some friends to save yourself.
- Find a "North Star" value. Pick one thing—honesty, reliability, kindness—and make it your absolute non-negotiable. When in doubt, do the thing that aligns with that value.
- Accept the "No." Some people will never forgive you. You have to be okay with that. Your redemption isn't for them; it’s for the person you see in the mirror.
The transition from being used to be one of the rotten ones to a person of integrity is one of the hardest things a human can do. It requires killing off a part of yourself that probably felt like it was keeping you safe. But on the other side of that death is a much lighter way to live.
If you’re looking to start this process, the first step is a radical audit of your current relationships. Identify which connections are based on your worst traits and which ones encourage your best. Distance yourself from the enablers and lean into the people who hold you to a higher standard. True change doesn't happen in a vacuum; it happens in the context of a community that expects more from you than you currently expect from yourself.