If you’ve ever sat in a dark room at 3:00 AM wondering if the world would even notice your absence, you’ve basically lived the headspace of the Before I Disappear film. It’s messy. It’s loud. It’s neon-soaked and grime-covered. Honestly, it’s one of those rare indie movies that feels like a fever dream you actually want to stay in, even when things get incredibly dark.
Shawn Christensen didn't just direct this; he lived it. The movie is a feature-length expansion of his 2012 Oscar-winning short, Curfew. Usually, when people try to stretch a 19-minute masterpiece into a full 90-minute narrative, it feels thin, like too little butter scraped over too much toast. But Christensen managed to keep the claustrophobia of the original while adding layers of New York City grit that make the final product feel entirely necessary.
The story kicks off with Richie. He’s at rock bottom. Actually, he’s beneath rock bottom, sitting in a bathtub full of red water, waiting for the end. Then the phone rings. It’s his estranged sister, Maggie, played by Emmy Rossum. She needs someone to look after her daughter, Sophia. Richie has to dry off, bandage up, and navigate a night of underground clubs, drug dens, and awkward bowling alley conversations.
The Visual Language of the Before I Disappear Film
Most movies about depression are gray. They’re muted. They look like a wet sidewalk in November. The Before I Disappear film rejects that. It’s colorful in a way that feels almost violent. Think deep reds, electric blues, and flickering fluorescent lights that make you feel like you’ve got a migraine coming on. Daniel Katz, the cinematographer, deserves a lot of credit here. He uses the camera to mimic Richie’s internal chaos.
Sometimes the camera stays perfectly still. Other times, it’s handheld and shaky, vibrating with the anxiety of a man who didn't expect to be alive at 9:00 PM, let alone responsible for an eleven-year-old girl. It’s a sensory overload.
You’ve got the music, too. Christensen was the frontman for the indie rock band Stellastarr, and that musicality bleeds into every frame. There’s a specific scene—the bowling alley dance—that people still talk about. It’s stylized. It’s weird. It breaks the "reality" of the film for a second to show us how Richie sees the world when he’s actually connecting with something.
Fatality and Redemption in the Streets of New York
This isn't a "Manhattan" version of New York. This is the New York of back alleys and flickering bathroom lights. The film deals with heavy themes—suicide, addiction, failed family dynamics—without ever feeling like a PSA. It’s too stylish to be a lecture.
Richie is a flawed protagonist. He’s not particularly "likable" in the traditional sense, but he’s deeply human. Watching him interact with Sophia, played by Fatima Ptacek, is where the movie finds its heartbeat. Sophia is hyper-intelligent, rigid, and clearly more adult than her uncle. Their chemistry isn't sugary sweet. It’s abrasive. It’s the friction between a man who has given up on life and a girl who is just starting to realize how complicated it can be.
Why the Critics Were Split
It's interesting to look back at the 2014 reviews. Some critics loved the aesthetic, while others thought it was "style over substance." They were wrong. The style is the substance. When you’re dealing with a character who is dissociating from reality, the movie shouldn't look like a standard documentary. It should look like a hallucination.
- The movie won the Audience Award at SXSW, which tells you everything you need to know about how it resonates with actual viewers versus critics.
- It captures a very specific era of Brooklyn and Manhattan nightlife that feels like it's disappearing.
- The performances are grounded, specifically Emmy Rossum, who brings a frenetic, desperate energy to a relatively small amount of screen time.
Navigating the Dark Comedy Elements
There is a weird humor in the Before I Disappear film. It’s gallows humor. You’re laughing at things you probably shouldn't, like Richie’s interactions with his "boss" or the absurdity of the situations he finds himself in while trying to keep a child safe. It’s that specific kind of laughter that comes from realizing everything is going wrong and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
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The film doesn't offer easy answers. It doesn't say "and then he was cured." It just says "he survived the night." Sometimes, that's enough of a victory.
Practical Takeaways for Film Lovers
If you're looking to dive into this film or similar indie works, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, watch the short film Curfew first. It’s available on various platforms and gives you the "pure" version of the story. Then, watch the feature. Seeing how Christensen expands on the themes of regret and duty is a masterclass in screenwriting.
For those interested in the technical side, pay attention to the color grading. The use of red is intentional. It’s the color of the blood in the tub, the neon signs in the club, and the tail lights of the cars. It’s the thread that connects Richie’s desire to die with the vibrant world that keeps pulling him back in.
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If you want to experience the Before I Disappear film properly, watch it at night. Put your phone away. Let the soundtrack wash over you. It’s a movie that demands you feel as uncomfortable as Richie does.
How to Find and Watch Before I Disappear Today
Finding indie films from the mid-2010s can sometimes be a scavenger hunt. While it had a limited theatrical run via IFC Films, it’s mostly lived on digital platforms since then.
- Streaming: Check platforms like AMC+, IFC Films Unlimited, or The Roku Channel, as they often cycle through these types of indie darlings.
- VOD: You can usually rent or buy it on Apple TV, Amazon, or Google Play for a few bucks.
- Physical Media: There are DVD releases out there, though they’re becoming harder to find in the wild.
Don't go into this expecting a happy-go-lucky "uncle and niece" bonding story like Gifted or Uncle Buck. This is darker. It’s more honest about how much family can hurt. But it’s also more honest about how much they can save you.
The legacy of the film is its atmosphere. Years later, you might forget specific plot points or the name of a side character, but you won't forget the way the bowling alley looked or the sound of the phone ringing in that bathtub. It’s a mood. It’s a vibe. It’s a reminder that even when you’re ready to disappear, the world has a funny way of making you stay.
Actionable Next Steps:
Start by watching the original short film Curfew to see the foundation of the story. Follow this by viewing the Before I Disappear film with a focus on the lighting and color palettes, specifically the recurring use of the color red. For those interested in the craft of filmmaking, compare the two versions to understand how a narrative can be expanded through visual subplots and character depth without losing its emotional core.