Most self-help books today feel like they were written by a cheerleader on caffeine. They tell you to "manifest your destiny" or "find your inner spark." But back in 1931, a guy named Alfred Adler published a book called What Life Should Mean to You, and honestly? It’s a lot more blunt. And a lot more useful.
Adler wasn't interested in your "vibe." He was a doctor, a psychotherapist, and a one-time colleague of Sigmund Freud who eventually got tired of Freud’s obsession with the past. While Freud was busy looking at your childhood traumas like they were a life sentence, Adler was looking at your goals. He believed that the meaning of your life isn't something you find under a rock or in a meditation retreat. It’s something you create through action.
Basically, he thought if your life feels meaningless, it's because you aren't being useful to anyone else. It's a tough pill to swallow.
The Three Ties That Bind Us
Adler didn't believe we live in a vacuum. He argued that every human being is bound by three inescapable realities. You can't ignore them. If you try, you end up miserable, anxious, or just plain stuck.
First, there’s the earth. We live on a planet with limited resources. We have to work to survive. There’s no getting around the fact that you need a job or a craft or some way to contribute to the physical world. Second, there are other people. We aren't the only ones here. Every problem we have is, at its core, a social problem. Third, there is sex—or more broadly, the fact that there are two genders and the future of the species depends on how we relate to each other.
If you want to understand what life should mean to you Alfred Adler style, you have to look at how you’re handling those three things. Are you working? Are you making friends? Are you a good partner? If you’re failing at one, the others usually start to wobble too.
The Problem with the "Private Meaning"
We’ve all met that person. The one who thinks they are a misunderstood genius but never actually produces anything. Or the person who says they love humanity but hates their neighbor.
Adler had a name for this: "private meaning."
He argued that a meaning that only makes sense to you—one that doesn't translate into helping others—is actually no meaning at all. It’s a delusion. To Adler, the only "true" meaning of life is one that is "common meaning." It’s something others can share in. It's something that makes the world a slightly better place because you were in it.
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He was pretty savage about this. He basically said that people who only care about themselves, who are constantly worried about their own status or their own "inferiority," are essentially failures in the art of living.
The Inferiority Complex: It’s Not What You Think
You’ve probably heard the term "inferiority complex." Adler actually coined that. But people usually get it wrong.
Feeling inferior isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, Adler thought it was the engine of human progress. We felt inferior to the elements, so we built houses. We felt inferior to the distance, so we built cars. It’s the drive to overcome that makes us great.
The "complex" happens when you get stuck.
Instead of trying to improve the situation, you start trying to "seem" superior. You buy things you can't afford. You brag. You put others down. You develop a "superiority complex" to hide the fact that you’re terrified of being ordinary.
Why Your Childhood Isn't an Excuse
Adler was big on childhood, but not like the Freudians. He didn't think your parents "broke" you. He thought you interpreted your childhood in a certain way, and that interpretation became your "Style of Life."
Maybe you were a sickly kid. You could interpret that as "the world owes me because I’m weak," or you could interpret it as "I need to work harder to be strong." The facts are the same. The meaning is different. Adler believed we are the artists of our own personalities. You aren't a victim of your past; you're the architect of your future.
It's an empowering thought. Also a terrifying one. It means you’re responsible.
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Social Interest: The Ultimate Metric
If you’re wondering if you’re "winning" at life, Adler has a very specific metric: Gemeinschaftsgefühl.
It’s a German word that’s hard to translate, but it basically means Social Interest or "community feeling." It’s the capacity to see with the eyes of another, hear with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another.
Adler noticed that the most unhappy people—the ones in psychiatric wards, the ones in prisons, the ones who were chronically depressed—almost always had a low level of social interest. They were turned inward. Their "what life should mean to you" was entirely focused on "me, me, me."
- The spoiled child: Grows up expecting the world to serve them. When it doesn't, they feel betrayed.
- The neglected child: Grows up thinking the world is a hostile place. They never learn to cooperate.
- The successful person (Adler style): Understands that their own happiness is tied to the happiness of the group.
He believed that all human failures—crime, alcoholism, neurosis—are caused by a lack of social interest. When you stop caring about how you contribute, you start dying inside.
Relationships and the "Work" of Love
Adler’s take on love was incredibly practical. He didn't talk about soulmates. He talked about a "task for two."
He believed that love and marriage are the ultimate test of our ability to cooperate. If you’re using your partner to boost your ego, or if you’re constantly keeping score, you’re failing the task. In What Life Should Mean to You, he emphasizes that a successful relationship requires that you be more interested in your partner than you are in yourself.
It sounds like a cliché, but Adler meant it structurally. If both people are looking out for the other, the unit thrives. If both are looking out for themselves, the unit collapses. It’s simple math, really.
The "Nervous" Person
Adler had a lot to say about anxiety. He often found that "nervous" people were using their symptoms as a shield.
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"I would go to that job interview, but my anxiety is too bad."
To Adler, the anxiety was a way to avoid the risk of failure. If you don't go, you can't fail. If you can't fail, your ego stays protected. He called this "safeguarding tendencies." We create obstacles for ourselves so we have an excuse for why we aren't succeeding.
It’s a gut-punch of a realization. Sometimes, our "mental health struggles" are actually just clever ways our ego keeps us from having to be useful and potentially failing at it.
How to Actually Apply Adler to Your Life
So, you’re sitting there in 2026, scrolling on a screen. How does a book from the 1930s help you?
Adler wouldn't want you to just think about his ideas. He was a man of action. If you feel like your life lacks meaning, he’d probably tell you to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and go help a neighbor.
- Audit your contribution. Look at your job. Are you just doing it for the paycheck, or can you see how it actually helps a customer or a colleague? If you can't see the help, find a way to make it helpful.
- Stop the "superiority" game. Notice when you’re trying to look better than others. Are you posting on social media to share something cool, or to make people jealous? That’s the superiority complex talking. Shut it down.
- Practice cooperation. Next time you’re in a group, instead of trying to "lead" or "win," try to see what the group needs. Be the oil in the machine, not the loudest gear.
- Reframe your past. Stop saying "I'm like this because my dad was X." Start saying "I used to think my dad being X meant I had to be Y, but now I’m choosing Z."
Adler’s philosophy is basically: You are not a problem to be solved; you are a person to be useful. Meaning isn't a destination. It’s a side effect. It’s what happens when you stop worrying about your own "inferiority" and start focusing on the task in front of you. Whether that’s raising a kid, coding an app, or just making sure the person at the grocery store feels seen.
What life should mean to you, according to Alfred Adler, is quite simple. It should mean contribution. Everything else is just noise.
Actionable Next Steps
If this resonated, your first step isn't to buy another book. It’s to look at your "three ties."
Identify which one you’re neglecting right now: your work, your social circle, or your intimate relationship. Pick one small, concrete action to improve that area by helping someone else within it. Don't do it for praise. Do it because, as Adler would say, that’s just what it means to be a functioning human being.
Go find a way to be useful today. Even if it's small. Especially if it's small.