He was the guy with the turquoise jewelry and the dog. He was the guy who stripped floors and built chairs with his bare hands. Honestly, if you watched Sex and the City during its original run, you probably had a very specific, very visceral reaction to Aidan Shaw. You either thought he was the "One Who Got Away" or you thought he was a boring, granola-munching obstacle to Carrie Bradshaw’s destiny with Mr. Big.
Aidan from Sex and the City wasn't just a boyfriend. He was a litmus test for what kind of love a person thinks they deserve.
The debate has raged for decades. It didn't stop when the show ended in 2004, and it certainly didn't stop when John Corbett reprised the role in the second movie or the revival series, And Just Like That... People are still yelling about the floor-sanding. They're still mad about the cabin in Suffern. And they are definitely still divided on whether a man who asks you to marry him while wearing a bucket hat is actually "the one."
The Furniture Maker vs. The Financier
Why does Aidan from Sex and the City still trigger such intense discourse? It’s because he represented the first real alternative to the toxic, push-pull dynamic Carrie had with Big. Big was a suit. Big was a limousine. Big was a "no" disguised as a "maybe."
Then came Aidan.
He was tactile. He smelled like sawdust and leather. When Carrie met him in his furniture studio, he was the literal embodiment of stability. He worked with his hands. He made things that were meant to last. That’s the irony, right? The man who builds sturdy chairs couldn't build a sturdy enough relationship to survive Carrie’s chaotic internal monologue.
Let's be real: Carrie treated him terribly the first time around. She cheated on him with the very man she was trying to get over. She broke his heart in a way that felt grounded and painful, unlike the heightened drama of her breakups with Big. When Aidan yells, "You broke my heart!" on a New York City sidewalk, it isn't cinematic. It’s devastating. It feels like something that actually happens to people.
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The Second Time Around: A Lesson in Forgiveness (or Lack Thereof)
When they got back together in Season 4, things changed. The vibe was different. Aidan from Sex and the City wasn't the sweet, easygoing guy anymore. He was hurt. He was "trying" to forgive, but he was also passive-aggressively eating fried chicken and flirting with baristas to make Carrie jealous.
He pushed for marriage. He pushed for the apartment next door. He pushed for a commitment that Carrie clearly wasn't ready for.
Some fans argue that Aidan was trying to "fix" her. He wanted to domesticate the wild Bradshaw. Others say he was just a guy who knew what he wanted and was tired of playing games. Whether you see him as a hero or a "nice guy" with a hidden streak of control, you can't deny that the chemistry between John Corbett and Sarah Jessica Parker was electric. It was just a different kind of electricity—the kind that warms a room rather than burning the house down.
The Cabin in Suffern: A Lifestyle Conflict
If you want to understand the fundamental incompatibility of Carrie and Aidan, you have to talk about the cabin.
Carrie is a creature of the pavement. She needs the noise, the lights, and the $400 shoes. Aidan wanted the woods. He wanted the quiet. He wanted a dog named Pete who probably smelled like wet fur most of the time.
The Suffern episodes are some of the most telling in the series. Carrie’s visceral reaction to a squirrel is hilarious, sure, but it’s also a metaphor. Aidan from Sex and the City represented a life that required Carrie to change her core identity. He wanted the version of her that baked pies and sat on a porch. She wanted the version of her that drank Cosmopolitans and lived for the "Zagat" guide.
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You can love someone and still realize that your lives don't fit together. That is the tragedy of Aidan Shaw. He was a great man, just not a great man for her.
The "And Just Like That" Resurgence
When Aidan returned in the revival, the internet basically broke. People have strong feelings about the "five-year plan" he proposed. After everything—the cheating, the failed engagement, the chance encounter in Abu Dhabi—Aidan came back into Carrie’s life after Big’s death.
It felt like a full-circle moment for some. For others, it felt like a regression.
The critics of the revival often point out that Aidan seems to be the only person who hasn't changed. He’s still wearing the belts. He’s still sensitive. But he’s also carrying a lot of baggage from his previous marriage and his kids. The fact that he refuses to set foot in Carrie’s apartment—the site of so much of their past trauma—is a polarizing move. Is it a healthy boundary? Or is it a sign that he’s still too broken by their history to actually move forward?
Nuance is rare in TV fandoms. We want to pick a team. We want to be Team Big or Team Aidan. But the reality of Aidan from Sex and the City is that he represents the "good on paper" guy who just happens to be in the wrong story.
What We Get Wrong About Aidan
One of the biggest misconceptions is that Aidan was "perfect."
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He wasn't.
He was judgmental of Carrie’s smoking. He was occasionally possessive. He rushed a proposal because he was insecure about her lingering feelings for her ex. If you look closely at the text of the show, Aidan wasn't a saint; he was a human being who wanted a specific kind of traditional intimacy that Carrie Bradshaw was fundamentally incapable of providing at that stage of her life.
Real experts in TV narrative often point out that Aidan was the "Anti-Big." His entire character arc was designed to show the audience what Carrie thought she wanted, only to prove that she craved the struggle more than the peace.
Actionable Insights for the Modern Dater
What can we actually learn from the saga of Aidan and Carrie? Beyond just picking a side in an old HBO debate, there are some real-world takeaways here:
- Don't ignore lifestyle incompatibility. If one person wants the woods and the other wants the city, someone is going to end up miserable. Love doesn't magically fix a desire for different environments.
- Forgiveness isn't a switch. If you try to get back with an ex who cheated, realize that "trying" to forgive is not the same as actually being over it. Passive-aggression is a relationship killer.
- Watch for "Fixing" behavior. If you feel the need to change your partner's fundamental habits (like smoking or their social circle) to be with them, you aren't in love with them—you're in love with a project.
- Timing is a factor, but not the only factor. People love to say Carrie and Aidan were "wrong time, right person." Maybe. But usually, "wrong time" is just a polite way of saying the compatibility isn't deep enough to weather the storm.
Aidan from Sex and the City remains one of the most discussed characters because he feels real. He represents the path not taken. He is the guy who would have stayed, who would have built the life, and who would have been there for the long haul. Whether that sounds like a dream or a prison depends entirely on who you are when you're watching.
If you're revisiting the series today, look past the turquoise rings. Look at the way he communicates versus the way Carrie evades. Look at the way he values honesty versus the way she values "the sparkle." He wasn't just a boyfriend; he was a mirror reflecting Carrie's greatest fears about settling down.
Ultimately, Aidan Shaw taught a generation of viewers that being a "good guy" isn't enough to make a relationship work. You also have to be the right fit for the messy, complicated, and often illogical reality of the person you love.