When we think about the "People’s Princess," we usually picture the sapphire rings, the revenge dresses, and the tragic tunnel in Paris. But if you want to understand the woman behind the icon, you have to look at the woman who raised her—or, more accurately, the woman who left.
Who is Princess Diana’s mother? Her name was Frances Shand Kydd, and honestly, her life was every bit as dramatic as her daughter’s. She wasn't just a background character in a royal drama; she was a woman born into extreme privilege who spent her life trying to outrun the very system that created her.
The Teenage Bride of Westminster Abbey
Frances Ruth Roche didn’t start out as a rebel. She was born at Park House on the Sandringham estate—literally on the same day King George V died in 1936. Talk about a heavy omen. Her father was the 4th Baron Fermoy, a close friend of King George VI, and her mother, Ruth, was a lady-in-waiting to the Queen Mother.
She was basically royal-adjacent from birth.
In 1954, at just 18 years old, she married John Spencer, Viscount Althorp. It was the "social event of the year." Queen Elizabeth II even showed up. Frances became the youngest woman to marry in Westminster Abbey in five decades. But the glitz was a mask.
The marriage was reportedly miserable. There was immense pressure to produce a male heir. Before Diana came along, Frances gave birth to a son, John, who tragically died just ten hours after he was born.
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Imagine the trauma.
Instead of support, she was sent to clinics to "see why" she was having girls. It was cold, clinical, and cruel.
The "Bolter" Who Lost Everything
By 1967, Frances had enough. She fell for a wallpaper tycoon named Peter Shand Kydd and decided to leave her husband. In the 1960s, a woman leaving her husband was scandalous. A woman leaving an Earl was unheard of.
The divorce was brutal.
Actually, "brutal" is an understatement. In a move that feels like a betrayal from a movie, Frances’s own mother, Lady Fermoy, testified against her in court. She chose the Spencer family’s status over her own daughter. Because of that testimony, Frances lost custody of her children, including a six-year-old Diana.
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Diana’s brother, Charles Spencer, later shared a heartbreaking memory: he remembered Diana waiting on the doorstep for their mother to come back, but she never did. Frances had moved to Scotland to start over.
The Strained Relationship With Diana
If you think the mother-daughter bond was healed by the time Diana became a global superstar, you’ve got it wrong. It was a rollercoaster.
When Diana married Prince Charles in 1981, Frances was there, but she later admitted she felt like she’d "lost" her daughter to the Firm. Then, in the 1990s, things got really ugly.
Frances struggled with the limelight. She hated that she was always "Diana’s mum" and never just herself. Her second marriage to Peter Shand Kydd eventually collapsed, and she blamed the media circus surrounding Diana for the split.
The real breaking point? A 1997 interview.
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Frances told Hello! magazine that it was "absolutely wonderful" that Diana lost her HRH title after her divorce from Charles. She also reportedly disapproved of Diana’s relationships with Dr. Hasnat Khan and Dodi Fayed. According to Paul Burrell, Diana’s butler, the two had a final, screaming phone call where Frances said some truly hateful things.
Diana vowed never to speak to her again.
And she didn't. When Diana died in August 1997, they hadn't spoken in months.
A Quiet End in Scotland
After Diana’s death, Frances lived a life of relative solitude on the Isle of Seil in Scotland. She converted to Roman Catholicism and spent her final years doing charity work. She didn't seek the cameras.
She died on June 3, 2004, at the age of 68, after battling Parkinson's disease and brain cancer. Prince William and Prince Harry both attended her funeral in Oban.
What We Can Learn From Her Story
Frances Shand Kydd wasn't a villain, but she wasn't a saint either. She was a woman caught between her own desire for happiness and the rigid expectations of the British aristocracy.
- Generational Trauma is Real: Much of Diana’s insecurity and "longing for love" can be traced back to the trauma of her mother leaving and the coldness of the Spencer household.
- The Crown Consumes Everything: Even the parents of the royals aren't safe from the pressure of the institution.
- Redemption is Personal: Frances’s later years were spent in service to others, perhaps a way of finding the peace she lacked in her youth.
If you're researching the Spencer family tree or the history of the House of Windsor, it’s worth looking into the biography The Real Diana by Andrew Morton or the memoirs of Charles Spencer. They provide a much grittier look at the domestic life that shaped the woman who would eventually change the monarchy forever.