Honestly, most parties are boring. You walk in, grab a drink, and spend forty minutes explaining what you "do for a living" to a guy named Mike who isn't actually listening. It’s exhausting. We’re starving for real connection, but we’ve forgotten how to actually ask for it without sounding like we’re conducting a police interrogation.
That’s basically why Where Should We Begin, the card game by legendary psychotherapist Esther Perel, has become a cult favorite. It isn’t really a "game" in the sense that someone wins a trophy or bankrupts their friends in Monopoly. It’s more of a structured permission slip to be interesting.
Perel, who you probably know from her hit podcast or her books on erotic intelligence, designed this to help us "massage our social muscles." After years of staring at screens, those muscles are pretty much atrophied. This deck is the physical manifestation of her philosophy: that the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships.
What Actually Comes in the Box?
If you pick up the second edition—which is the one you’ll mostly find online now—it looks a bit different than the original 2021 release. The first version had these blue prompt cards and wooden tokens that felt very "therapy office."
The new version is tighter. It’s portable. It’s meant for the bar, the coffee table, or that awkward cabin trip with your in-laws.
Inside the box, you’re getting:
- 200 Story Cards: These are the heart of the experience. They aren't standard questions. Instead of "What's your favorite memory?", you get prompts like "A rule I secretly love to break" or "The last time I felt lost."
- A 6-Sided Die: This replaced the 30 prompt cards from the first edition. It adds a "lens" to the story. You might roll and have to tell your story through the lens of being "rebellious" or "vulnerable."
- Rapid Play Instructions: Because nobody wants to read a 20-page manual when they’re three glasses of wine deep.
The cards are color-coded too. Look for the little pink triangle in the corner. Those are the "NSFW" or highly intimate cards. If you’re playing with your boss or your conservative uncle, you might want to pull those out. Unless you want to hear about their most irrational jealousy, which... maybe you do?
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It Isn't Just for Couples (Despite the Rumors)
A big misconception is that this is a "couples game" for people whose marriages are on the rocks. It’s not. While Perel is a relationship expert, the game is surprisingly versatile.
I’ve seen people play this at work retreats—using the "Safe for Work" filter, obviously—and it completely shifts the energy. Suddenly, you aren't just "The Accountant"; you’re the person who once accidentally joined a cult in the 90s.
There is also a specific version called Where Should We Begin - At Work. That one is specifically tailored to professional dynamics, focusing on hidden talents, career pivots, and office culture. But the original "Game of Stories" is the one you want for general life. It works with friends you’ve known for twenty years or a group of strangers at a dinner party.
Why This Works Better Than "We’re Not Really Strangers"
You've probably seen the red and white boxes of We’re Not Really Strangers (WNRS) all over Instagram. People love it. But there’s a nuance to Perel’s deck that feels a bit more... grown-up?
WNRS can feel very "heavy" very fast. It’s a lot of "What was your first impression of me?" Esther’s game focuses on storytelling.
When you tell a story, you aren't just answering a question. You’re inviting people into a world. It’s the difference between a data point and a movie. The "Advanced" rules of the game even have you play cards face down, and the "storyteller" chooses which prompt they want to answer based on the "mood" set by the group. It’s collaborative.
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The "Advanced" Way to Play
If you want to get the most out of it, don't just treat it like a deck of conversation starters. Use the full rules:
- Everyone gets a hand of Story Cards.
- The "Storyteller" for the round rolls the die to set the mood (e.g., "Playful").
- The other players look at their cards and choose one they think the Storyteller should answer.
- They put them face down, the Storyteller shuffles, picks one, and tells the tale.
This mechanic takes the pressure off. You aren't being "put on the spot" to be deep; you’re responding to the curiosity of your friends. It’s a game-changer for people who are naturally shy.
The Reality Check: Is It Actually Fun?
Look, if your idea of fun is a high-stakes round of Poker or a fast-paced game of Catan, this might feel "too therapy" for you. One reviewer on Uncommon Goods famously called it "invasive and unsettling."
That’s a fair warning.
If you have friends who are strictly "surface level" and refuse to talk about anything more serious than the weather or the local sports team, they will hate this. It requires buy-in. You have to be willing to be a little bit "cringe" for the sake of connection.
But for the right group? It’s electric. You’ll find yourself still sitting at the table at 2:00 AM because you finally found out why your best friend is terrified of garden gnomes or why your partner secretly misses their first shitty apartment.
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Where to Buy and What to Spend
The game usually retails for around $35 to $40. You can find it on Esther Perel's official site, Amazon, or boutique shops like Uncommon Goods.
Be careful when buying used copies on eBay. People often mix up the First Edition (big box, 250 cards, tokens) with the Second Edition (small box, 200 cards, die). Some collectors prefer the first edition because it has 50 more cards, but the second edition is much easier to throw in a bag.
Actionable Ways to Use the Game Tonight
If you just bought the deck and want to dive in without it feeling like a therapy session, try these three things:
- The "One Card" Warmup: Before dinner starts, have everyone draw one card and just read it. No pressure to answer yet. Just let the prompts simmer in the background.
- The Date Night Filter: If you’re playing with a partner, specifically look for the pink triangle cards. Focus on the "rebellion" and "desire" prompts. It’s a great way to talk about intimacy without it feeling like a "talk."
- The Solo Journaling Hack: Honestly, if you're bored, pull a card and write for ten minutes. It’s a great way to unearth stories for yourself that you’ve forgotten.
Ultimately, the game is just a tool. It doesn't do the work for you. You still have to listen. You still have to be curious. But having Esther Perel "in the room" with you makes that first step a whole lot easier.
Grab the deck, put the phones in another room, and just see where you begin.