Planning a wedding feels like a constant battle against a calendar that wants to win. You've got the venue, the dress, and the seating chart that’s currently making you question every friendship you’ve ever had. Then, someone asks: "Hey, when are we getting the rehearsal dinner info?" Panic sets in. When to send rehearsal dinner invitations isn't just a logistical box to check; it’s the difference between a relaxed kick-off and a frantic Friday afternoon where your bridal party is texting you for the address while you're trying to get your hair done.
Honestly, the "traditional" rules are changing. The old-school etiquette books—the ones your grandmother might swear by—usually suggest a very specific window. But we aren't living in 1955. People travel more. Work schedules are weirder. If you wait too long, you’re basically asking your out-of-town guests to play a high-stakes game of travel roulette.
The Sweet Spot for Your Rehearsal Dinner Timeline
Most experts, including the folks over at The Knot and Brides, generally agree that you should aim for the four-to-six-week mark. This is the goldilocks zone. It’s close enough that people actually remember the date, but far enough in advance that they can request off work or book that extra night at the Marriott.
Six weeks out is the play if you have a lot of people flying in. If your wedding is a local affair where everyone lives within a twenty-minute Uber ride, you can probably push it to four weeks. Don't go later than that. Seriously. People like to know their Friday night plans before they’ve already committed to a Netflix marathon or a different dinner party.
The rhythm of your invitations needs to mirror the wedding invites themselves. If you sent your wedding invitations out eight weeks before the big day, your rehearsal dinner invites should follow shortly after. Think of them as the opening act. You wouldn't want the opening band to start playing before the doors even open, right?
Why Destination Weddings Change Everything
Destination weddings throw the rulebook out the window and set it on fire. If you’re getting married in Tuscany or even just a three-hour flight away, your guests are likely booking their travel months in advance. In this scenario, when to send rehearsal dinner invitations becomes a matter of courtesy.
You should include the rehearsal dinner information—or at least a "Welcome Party" mention—right in the main wedding invitation suite. Or, at the very least, have it updated on your wedding website the moment the save-the-dates go out. If people are spending $1,200 on a flight, they deserve to know if they need to be there by Thursday night or Friday morning.
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I’ve seen couples wait until a month before a destination wedding to send rehearsal details. The result? Half the wedding party booked flights that landed at 6:00 PM on Friday, missing the 5:00 PM rehearsal entirely. It was a mess. Don't be that couple.
The Digital vs. Paper Debate
Let's talk about the vibe. Paper invitations are beautiful. They feel "official." They also cost a small fortune in stamps and stationery. For a formal rehearsal dinner at a high-end steakhouse or a private club, paper is almost certainly the way to go. It signals to your guests that they should probably leave the flip-flops at home.
Digital invites, through platforms like Paperless Post or Evite, are becoming the industry standard for a reason. They're fast. They're cheap. Best of all, they track RSVPs in real-time. If you’re hosting a backyard taco bar or a casual brewery hangout, a digital invite is totally acceptable.
One thing to keep in mind: older relatives might struggle with a digital link. If Great Aunt Martha doesn't use a smartphone, give her a call. It takes two minutes and saves her the confusion of wondering why she wasn't "officially" invited to the dinner.
Who Actually Gets an Invite?
This is where things get sticky. The guest list dictates the timing more than you’d think. Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner was for the wedding party, their spouses, and immediate family.
Nowadays, "guest list creep" is real.
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- The Core Group: Officiant, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl/ring bearer parents.
- The Plus-Ones: You absolutely must invite the partners of your wedding party.
- Out-of-Town Guests: This is the big debate. If 80% of your guests are from out of town, the rehearsal dinner essentially turns into a second wedding.
If you're inviting a massive group, you need to send those invites out earlier—closer to the eight-week mark—to get an accurate headcount for catering. Most restaurants need a final number at least two weeks before the event. If you send invites at four weeks, and people take ten days to RSVP, you’re cutting it dangerously close.
Common Mistakes That Ruin Your Flow
One major blunder is forgetting the "rehearsal" part of the rehearsal dinner. The dinner happens after the walk-through at the venue. If your venue only lets you rehearse at 4:00 PM, but your invitation says dinner is at 5:00 PM and the restaurant is thirty minutes away, you’re in trouble.
Check the transit times. Double-check them.
Another mistake? Not being clear about the dress code. "Casual" means different things to different people. For some, it’s jeans; for others, it’s a sundress. Be specific. "Mountain Chic" or "Backyard BBQ" helps people pack the right shoes.
And for the love of all things holy, include a map or a very clear GPS link. Even in the age of Google Maps, people get lost. Providing the exact entrance to use—especially if the restaurant is inside a large hotel or mall—will save your phone from blowing up with "where are you?" texts while you're trying to enjoy your first glass of wine.
How to Handle the "No-Invite" Awkwardness
You might have friends who are in town but aren't invited to the rehearsal dinner. It happens. To avoid hurt feelings, try not to blast the rehearsal dinner details all over your public social media.
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If you are using a wedding website (like Zola or Joy), most of them have a feature where you can "hide" certain events. Only the guests who are tagged for the rehearsal dinner will see it when they log in to RSVP. This is a lifesaver. It prevents the awkward "Oh, I didn't see the Friday dinner on the schedule" conversation with your second cousin.
Real Talk: The Budget Factor
Whoever is paying usually gets the final say on the guest list and the timing. Traditionally, the groom’s parents foot the bill. If that’s the case, be a teammate. Give them the addresses they need well before the six-week deadline.
If you and your partner are paying, you have more flexibility, but also more stress. Managing two sets of RSVPs (wedding + rehearsal) is a lot. This is why I'm a huge advocate for sending the rehearsal dinner invitations about a week after the main wedding invites. It staggers the "mail moment" for your guests and keeps your inbox from being flooded all at once.
Actionable Steps for a Stress-Free Timeline
- Finalize the guest list by the three-month mark. You need to know if you're feeding 20 people or 70.
- Confirm the rehearsal time with your venue. Do not print invitations until the venue coordinator confirms your slot in writing.
- Choose your medium. Decide now if you’re going paper or digital. If paper, order them at the same time you order your wedding invitations to save on shipping.
- Send at the 6-week mark. This is the "safe" zone that respects your guests' time and your sanity.
- Set an RSVP deadline. Make it at least one week before your caterer needs the final headcount. This gives you a "buffer week" to hunt down the stragglers who forgot to reply.
- Include the essentials. Venue name, full address, start time, end time (if applicable), and a clear dress code.
The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be the fun, low-pressure part of the weekend. It's the time to actually talk to your favorite people before the whirlwind of the wedding day takes over. By getting the invitations out on time, you're setting the tone for a weekend that is organized, thoughtful, and—most importantly—ready to be enjoyed.
Don't overthink the wording. "Please join us for a rehearsal dinner honoring..." is plenty. Just get the info to them so they can show up, eat, and toast to your future without a headache.