Life isn't a motivational poster. You've probably seen that "when the going gets tough" quote plastered over a picture of a mountain climber or a sunset, usually followed by something about the tough getting going. It sounds great on a coffee mug. But honestly? When things actually fall apart—when the business fails, the relationship crumbles, or the health scare hits—it doesn't feel like a catchy slogan. It feels like a punch to the gut.
The phrase itself traces back to various sources, but most people associate it with Billy Ocean’s 1985 hit or the legendary football coach Knute Rockne. Regardless of the origin, the sentiment remains a cornerstone of how we talk about resilience. It’s about that friction point where most people quit and a few keep moving. But what actually happens in the brain when the going gets tough? It isn't just "willpower." That’s a myth. It’s a mix of neurobiology, psychological framing, and, quite frankly, a bit of stubbornness that can be trained.
The Neurobiology of Staying Power
Most of us think of mental toughness as some sort of character trait you’re either born with or you aren't. That’s wrong. It’s actually tied to the Anterior Mid-Cingulate Cortex (aMCC).
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Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman and others have discussed how the aMCC grows when we do things we don't want to do. It’s the seat of tenacity. When you’re faced with a situation where the going gets tough, your brain is essentially weighing the "cost" of the effort against the "reward." If the aMCC is well-developed, you’re more likely to push through the discomfort. If you always take the easy path, that part of your brain literally atrophies. It’s a muscle. Use it or lose it.
Think about David Goggins. He’s the poster child for this. He didn’t start as a superhuman athlete; he started as a guy who hated running and was significantly overweight. By consistently putting himself in situations where "the going got tough," he physically rewired his brain's capacity for suffering. It’s not magic. It’s biology.
Why Some People Snap While Others Step Up
We’ve all seen it. Two people lose their jobs at the same time. One spirals into a three-month depression, while the other is networking by Tuesday. Why?
Psychologists often point to something called Explanatory Style. This was pioneered by Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology. People who handle tough times well tend to view setbacks as:
- Temporary: This won't last forever.
- Specific: This one thing went wrong, but my whole life isn't a disaster.
- External: I didn't fail because I'm a "loser"; I failed because the market shifted or I made a specific tactical error.
When the going gets tough for people with a "pessimistic" explanatory style, they see the problem as permanent, pervasive, and personal. That’s a recipe for burnout. If you think the universe is personally out to get you, why would you keep trying? You wouldn't. You’d just give up and stay in bed.
The Role of Cognitive Appraisal
It’s about how you label the stress. In a famous Harvard study, researchers told participants that their racing heart and fast breathing during a stressful task were actually "helpful" signs that their body was energized for the challenge. Those people performed better and felt less stressed than the group told to just "ignore it."
When the going gets tough, your body reacts the same way whether you’re terrified or excited. The physical sensations—sweaty palms, tight chest—are identical. The difference is the story you tell yourself. If you tell yourself "I'm prepared for this," the blood vessels stay relaxed. If you tell yourself "I'm failing," they constrict. That’s a massive physiological difference triggered by a simple thought.
Real World Resilience: Beyond the Clichés
Let’s look at the 2008 financial crisis. Thousands of people lost everything. Some of the most successful tech companies today, like Airbnb and Slack (well, its predecessor), were born right in the middle of that mess. When the going gets tough in the economy, it forces a weird kind of Darwinian innovation. You don't have the luxury of being sloppy when capital is tight.
I remember talking to a small business owner who lost his restaurant during the pandemic. He told me, "I had two weeks where I just sat on the porch. Then I realized the porch wasn't paying the mortgage." He didn't have a grand epiphany. He just had a mortgage. Sometimes, "the tough get going" because they literally have no other choice. Necessity is the mother of grit.
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The Problem with "Gritting Your Teeth"
There is a dark side to this. You can't just "tough it out" through everything. That leads to clinical burnout, heart disease, and mental breakdowns. Real resilience—the kind that actually works when the going gets tough—includes knowing when to pivot.
Angela Duckworth, who wrote the book Grit, makes a distinction between "low-level goals" and "high-level goals." If your low-level goal (like a specific business tactic) isn't working, being "tough" doesn't mean doing the same failing thing over and over. That’s just being stubborn. Grit is about staying committed to the high-level goal (like being a successful entrepreneur) while being incredibly flexible about the path you take to get there.
Practical Strategies for When Things Get Heavy
If you’re in the middle of it right now, you don't need a lecture. You need a ladder.
The 10-10-10 Rule. When you’re panicking because the going gets tough, ask yourself: Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years? Most of the stuff that keeps us up at night fails the 10-month test. It puts the "crisis" back into perspective.
Micro-Wins. Your brain needs dopamine to keep going. If you're facing a massive project or a personal crisis, stop looking at the finish line. It’s too far away. Just win the next ten minutes. Clean one drawer. Send one email. Make one phone call. These tiny wins signal to your brain that you still have agency.
Physical Anchoring. If your mind is spinning, get back into your body. Cold showers are trendy for a reason—they force a "bottom-up" reset of the nervous system. You can't worry about your taxes when you're submerged in 50-degree water. It builds that aMCC muscle we talked about earlier.
Audit Your Circle. Resilience is contagious. So is defeatism. If everyone you hang out with complains about how the world is ending, you’re going to believe them. Seek out the people who have survived worse than what you’re going through. Their perspective is a reality check.
The Stoic Perspective
Marcus Aurelius, an Emperor who dealt with plagues, wars, and a crumbling empire, didn't talk about "getting tough." He talked about "The obstacle is the way." It’s a subtle shift. Instead of seeing the tough situation as a barrier to the work, see the tough situation as the work.
This isn't about being a robot. It's about accepting that life is fundamentally difficult. Expecting it to be easy is why we suffer so much when it isn't. When the going gets tough, it’s often just life returning to its natural state of chaos. Your job isn't to stop the chaos; it's to find a way to navigate through it without losing your soul.
Actionable Insights for the Long Haul
You can actually prepare for the next time the going gets tough. You don't wait for a fire to buy a fire extinguisher.
- Do hard things on purpose. Take the hard workout. Learn the difficult language. Have the awkward conversation. You're building "stress inoculation."
- Develop a "Pre-Mortem." Before starting a project, imagine it has already failed. Why did it fail? This helps you spot the "tough" parts before they arrive.
- Practice radical acceptance. Stop wishing things were different. They aren't. Acceptance isn't liking it; it's just acknowledging reality so you can actually do something about it.
Life doesn't get easier; you just get better at handling the hard parts. The next time you feel like you're hitting a wall, remember it’s just the aMCC asking for a workout. Take a breath, pick one small thing to fix, and move. That’s all "the tough getting going" really means. It’s just one more step. Then another. Then one more after that.