Phones are stressful. You’re staring at that blinking cursor, heart doing a weird little caffeinated dance, wondering if "hey" is too dry or if a long paragraph makes you look desperate. It’s a mess. Most of the advice out there tells you to play games or wait three hours to reply, but honestly, that’s just exhausting. Knowing what to talk about with your crush over text isn't actually about following a script; it's about finding that sweet spot between being a normal human and showing you're actually interested.
Digital communication lacks tone. It lacks eye contact. Because of that, people overthink every single character. But here’s the thing: your crush is likely just as nervous as you are.
The "Low Stakes" Strategy for Breaking the Ice
Start small. Seriously. You don't need to jump into their deepest childhood traumas by Tuesday. Most successful text threads start with what psychologists call "bids for connection." This concept, popularized by Dr. John Gottman, suggests that small attempts at interaction are the foundation of any relationship.
Try mentioning something you actually saw. Maybe you walked past that coffee shop they mentioned, or you saw a movie trailer that looked like something they’d hate. It’s specific. It’s grounded in reality. "Saw this and thought of you" is a powerhouse phrase because it proves they exist in your brain even when you aren't looking at your phone.
Don't overcomplicate it.
If you're stuck, ask for a recommendation. People love being experts. Ask for a playlist, a podcast, or even just the best place to get a taco nearby. It gives them a "job" in the conversation, which lowers the pressure on them to be entertaining. It’s a win-win.
Moving Beyond "How Was Your Day?"
That question is a conversation killer. It’s a chore. It requires a summary of a potentially boring eight-hour shift. Instead of asking how their day was, ask about the best thing that happened. Or the weirdest.
Specificity is your best friend when figuring out what to talk about with your crush over text. Instead of "What's up?", try: "What’s the most chaotic thing that happened at work today?" It invites a story rather than a one-word answer like "good" or "fine."
Use Your Surroundings
- The Shared History: Bring up a funny moment from the last time you were hanging out in person. "I'm still thinking about how bad that karaoke singer was."
- The "Would You Rather": Keep them light. "Would you rather always have to skip everywhere you go or talk like a pirate for the rest of your life?" It’s stupid, but it works.
- The Future Bait: Talk about something you want to do and see if they bite. "I really want to check out that new arcade bar." It’s a soft invite without the fear of a formal "date" request.
The Science of Texting Anxiety
Let’s talk about the "double text" for a second. Everyone acts like it’s a crime. It isn't. If you have two separate thoughts, send two texts. The "rule" about waiting double the time they took to reply is a relic of 2012 dating blogs that should be buried. Genuine connection doesn't happen through math.
However, pay attention to energy. If you’re sending paragraphs and they’re sending "lol," pull back. Not as a game, but to protect your own energy. Texting should feel like a game of catch. If you’re the only one throwing the ball and it’s just hitting them in the face while they stand there, stop throwing.
Deepening the Connection (When the Time is Right)
Once you’ve moved past the "what are you doing" phase, you can start poking at the deeper stuff. This is where you find out if you actually like them or if you just like the idea of them.
Ask about their "niche" interests. Everyone has one. Maybe they’re weirdly into 19th-century architecture or they have a very strong opinion about why certain fast-food fries are superior. Lean into that. Validation is a massive social lubricant. When they talk about something they love, even if you don't get it, ask why they love it.
"What’s a hobby you’d start if money wasn't an issue?"
"What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?"
These questions reveal values. Spontaneity vs. stability. Ambition vs. leisure. You’re gathering data while also keeping the vibe fun. It’s basically undercover investigative journalism, but with more emojis.
Handling the "Dry" Texter
We’ve all been there. You’re carrying the conversation like a Sherpa on Everest. If you’re struggling with what to talk about with your crush over text because they aren't giving you anything back, try the "assume" technique.
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Instead of asking a question, make a playful assumption. "You seem like the kind of person who has a secret stash of 90s pop music." It’s a challenge. It forces them to either agree or defend themselves. It’s much more engaging than "What music do you like?"
If they stay dry? Move on. Life is too short to beg for a reply from someone who types like they’re being charged per letter.
The Power of the "Non-Sequitur"
Sometimes the best thing to talk about is nothing at all. Send a meme. Send a photo of a dog that looks like a croissant.
Humor is subjective, but it’s the fastest way to build intimacy. If you can make someone laugh through a screen, you’ve already won half the battle. Just keep it organic. Don't go searching for "funny memes for crush" on Pinterest. Send things that actually made you laugh. If they don't get your humor, that’s actually great information to have early on. Better to find out now than three months into a relationship.
Transitioning to Real Life
The ultimate goal of texting your crush isn't to become the world's best pen pal. It’s to get off the phone.
Texting is a bridge. Use it to build enough comfort to suggest a hang-out. A great way to transition is to tie a conversation topic to a real-world activity. If you're talking about movies, mention a theater. If you're talking about being stressed, mention a park or a bar where you can decompress.
"We’ve been talking about this pizza place for three days, we should probably just go."
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It’s direct. It’s confident. And it moves the needle.
Practical Steps for Your Next Text
Stop overthinking. Here is exactly how to handle your next interaction without spiraling:
- Check the last vibe: Was the last message a natural end to a conversation? If so, don't feel like you have to "restart" it. Start a fresh thread with something new.
- The "Three Message" Rule: If you've sent three messages over the span of a day with no response, put the phone down. Go for a walk. Play a game. Let the silence exist.
- Visuals over words: If words are failing you, take a photo of what you're doing. A blurry photo of a cool sunset or a weird sign is a great "low pressure" way to say you're thinking of them.
- Mirror the length: Try to keep your messages roughly the same length as theirs. If they send a sentence, don't send a dissertation.
- Be honest: If you're busy, say you're busy. "Hey, heading into a meeting, talk soon!" is better than disappearing for six hours. It shows respect for their time and yours.
Connection is about flow, not force. If you find yourself constantly googling what to say, take a breath. The right person for you will make the conversation feel like a downhill slide, not an uphill climb. Keep it light, keep it real, and don't be afraid to be a little bit weird. That's usually the part people fall for anyway.