It’s a specific kind of sting. You check their Instagram story, hoping for a sign, but instead, you see them tagging someone else with a heart emoji or a "inside joke" caption that makes your stomach drop. You’ve been there. I’ve been there. The realization that the person you’ve been daydreaming about is busy daydreaming about someone else is a total gut punch. Honestly, it’s one of those universal human experiences that feels uniquely personal and isolating, even though millions of people are feeling that exact same chest-tightening sensation at this very moment.
Knowing what to do when your crush likes someone else isn't about some "secret trick" to win them over or a magic spell to make their new flame disappear. It’s mostly about damage control for your own heart. It’s about not losing your dignity while you navigate the messy, awkward reality of unrequited feelings. You might feel like you're in a competition you never signed up for. But here’s the thing: you can't "win" a person who isn't looking your way.
Stop the "Spying" and Digital Self-Harm
We need to talk about the phone. You know exactly what I mean. The late-night scrolling. The refreshing of their "Following" list to see if they’ve added anyone new. The forensic analysis of every "like" they give to the person they actually like.
Psychologists call this "creeping" or "interpersonal electronic surveillance." Dr. Tara Marshall, a researcher who has studied Facebook surveillance, found that people who keep tabs on their exes—or in this case, crushes—experience much higher levels of distress and a slower recovery process. You are literally feeding your brain hits of cortisol every time you see them interacting. It’s addictive. It’s also miserable.
If you want to know what to do when your crush likes someone else, the first step is a digital boundary. You don't have to block them (unless it's truly toxic), but you have to Mute or Hide. On Instagram, use the "Mute Stories and Posts" feature. On TikTok, stop searching their username. If you don't see it, you can't obsess over it. Every time you resist the urge to check their profile, you are winning a small battle for your own sanity. It sounds harsh. It is. But it's also the only way to stop the bleeding.
The Comparison Trap is a Dead End
It’s so easy to look at the person your crush likes and start a mental checklist. They have better hair. They’re funnier. They’re more athletic. You start treating this other person like a blueprint for what you "should" be. This is a lie your brain tells you to make sense of the rejection.
The truth is that attraction is rarely about a checklist of traits. It’s about chemistry, timing, and weird psychological projections that have nothing to do with "value." Just because your crush likes someone else doesn't mean that person is "better" than you. It just means they are a different "flavor." Think about it: some people love vanilla, some love rocky road. If someone wants rocky road, the most perfect, premium vanilla bean ice cream in the world isn't going to satisfy that specific craving. That doesn't make the vanilla bad. It's just not what they're looking for right now.
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Should You Confess Your Feelings?
This is the big question. Should you tell them? There are two schools of thought here, and honestly, both have risks.
On one hand, some people believe in "radical honesty." They think that if you don't tell your crush how you feel, you'll always wonder "what if." If they already like someone else, the stakes are high. If you tell them now, you might come across as disrespectful of their current situation, or you might put them in a super awkward position.
On the other hand, silence can feel like a slow poison. If you’re close friends, watching them pine after someone else while you’re pining after them is a recipe for resentment. If you decide to speak up, do it with zero expectations. Say something like, "Hey, I’ve had some feelings for you, but I know you’re interested in [Name]. I just needed to get this off my chest so I can move past it." This isn't a plea for them to change their mind. It’s an exorcism of your own feelings.
However, if they are already in a committed relationship with this other person? Keep it to yourself. At that point, a confession isn't for them—it's for you, and it usually ends up causing more drama than relief.
The Science of the "Crush" Brain
When we talk about what to do when your crush likes someone else, we have to acknowledge the biology. When you have a crush, your brain is basically on drugs. It’s a cocktail of dopamine (the reward chemical), norepinephrine (which makes you jittery and focused), and low levels of serotonin (which leads to obsessive thinking).
Anthropologist Helen Fisher has spent decades studying the "anatomy of love." She found that being rejected by a romantic interest activates the same parts of the brain associated with physical pain and addiction withdrawal. You are literally "detoxing" from a person. That’s why you feel restless. That’s why you can’t eat. That’s why you want to text them at 2:00 AM. Acknowledge that this is a physiological process. Give yourself the same grace you’d give someone recovering from a physical injury. You wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to "just run it off," so don't tell yourself to "just get over it" in a day.
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Redirecting the Energy
You have all this intense, nervous energy. You can either spend it staring at a wall wondering why you aren't "enough," or you can put it somewhere else.
- Physicality: Hit the gym. Run until your lungs burn. The endorphins from exercise are a natural counter-punch to the stress hormones of a crush.
- Novelty: Try something you’ve never done before. When you learn a new skill—whether it’s coding, pottery, or a new language—your brain creates new neural pathways. This helps "crowd out" the obsessive thoughts about your crush.
- Socializing: Spend time with people who actually do choose you. Your friends, your family, your dog. Remind yourself what it feels like to be appreciated and seen without having to perform or compete.
What to Do When Your Crush Likes Someone Else and You’re Friends
This is the hardest tier of the "crush" hierarchy. You’re the person they vent to about their crush. You’re the one helping them pick out an outfit for their date. It’s torture.
If you find yourself in this position, you have to set a boundary. You can say, "I value our friendship, but I’m actually struggling with some feelings for you right now. For my own sake, I can't really talk about your dating life or [Name] for a while."
A real friend will understand. If they get mad or try to guilt-trip you into being their emotional support system while you’re hurting, they aren't a great friend to begin with. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to protect your peace.
Re-evaluating Your "Type"
Sometimes, we crush on people who are unavailable because it feels "safe." If they like someone else, we don't actually have to deal with the reality of a relationship—we just get to stay in the fantasy. Ask yourself: do I have a pattern of liking people who don't like me back?
If the answer is yes, you might be dealing with "limerence." This is a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe an involuntary state of intense romantic desire. Limerence thrives on uncertainty. The more someone pulls away or likes someone else, the more the "limerent" person pursues them. Breaking this cycle requires looking inward and asking why you’re drawn to the chase rather than the catch.
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Practical Next Steps for Moving On
Healing isn't linear. You'll have days where you feel totally over it and days where a specific song makes you want to crawl into a hole. That's fine.
First, stop seeking information. Information is the fuel that keeps the crush fire burning. Stop asking mutual friends about them. Stop checking their Spotify "Recently Played." Cut off the fuel supply.
Second, write a "Reality List." We tend to idolize our crushes. Write down every annoying thing they do. Do they chew with their mouth open? Are they bad at texting back? Do they have questionable taste in movies? Demystify them. Remind yourself they are a flawed human being, not a deity.
Third, date yourself for a bit. Buy the clothes you like. Go to the cafe you love. Build a life that is so interesting and fulfilling that a crush is just a small part of it, not the whole map.
Fourth, keep your options open. I'm not saying go on a dating app spree immediately. But don't close yourself off to the idea that there are other people out there. There are 8 billion people on this planet. The odds that this one person is the only one you could ever feel this way about are mathematically zero.
Understand that feelings are like waves. They peak, they crash, and eventually, they recede. You might feel like you're drowning right now, but the tide always goes out. Focus on keeping your head above water, stay off their social media, and remember that your value isn't determined by someone else's inability to see it.
The most important thing you can do when your crush likes someone else is to choose yourself. If they aren't choosing you, you are the only one left to do the job. Do it well. Be the person who looks out for you, protects your heart, and leads you toward someone who doesn't make you feel like a second choice.