You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at a pair of socks, and the thought hits you like a cold bag of bricks. It’s that heavy, nagging question: what is the point in living? It’s not always a dark, cinematic crisis. Sometimes it’s just a quiet, boring realization that the "wake up, work, eat, sleep" loop feels a bit hollow. We’ve all been there. Honestly, if you haven’t asked this yet, you probably just haven't had a long enough Tuesday.
The truth is that searching for a singular, monumental "point" is usually where we trip up. We want a stone tablet with our destiny carved into it, but life usually offers us a messy pile of Legos instead. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust, wrote about this in his 1946 book Man’s Search for Meaning. He didn't find the "point" in a vacuum; he found it in the small, agonizing choices of how to respond to suffering. He argued that we don't ask what the meaning of life is; rather, life asks us, and we answer through our actions. It's a shift in perspective that turns you from a spectator into the person actually holding the pen.
The Science of Why We Care
Biology has its own take on what the point in living looks like, and it’s a lot less poetic than Frankl’s. From an evolutionary standpoint, you are a vessel for genetic information. That’s it. Your "point" is to survive long enough to pass those genes along and ensure the next generation doesn't walk off a cliff. But humans are weird. We have this massive prefrontal cortex that isn't satisfied with just eating and breeding.
We have "existential itch."
Neurologically, our brains are wired for dopamine and oxytocin. When you achieve a goal or hug someone you love, your brain rewards you. Some researchers argue that the "point" is simply the optimization of these neurochemicals. But that feels cheap, doesn't it? If life were just about chemical hits, we’d all be happy sitting in a room on an IV drip of stimulants. There is a gap between "surviving" and "flourishing" that science is still trying to map out.
Positive psychology, popularized by Martin Seligman, suggests a framework called PERMA. It stands for Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. It’s not a checklist. It’s more like a dashboard. If your "meaning" dial is at zero, the "accomplishment" dial feels pretty useless. You can win every trophy in the world, but if you don't feel connected to something larger than your own ego, you're going to keep asking what the point is.
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Debunking the Grand Purpose Myth
There’s a huge misconception that you’re supposed to have a "calling." Like you're born with a secret map in your pocket and if you don't find the "X," you've failed. That is total nonsense. Most people don't have a calling. They have interests that evolve.
Look at someone like Julia Child. She didn't even start cooking seriously until she was nearly 40. Before that, she worked in intelligence for the OSS. Her "point" shifted. If she had stayed stuck on the idea that her first career was her only purpose, we’d never have mastered the art of French cooking.
The point in living isn't a destination you reach; it's more like a recurring subscription. You have to keep renewing it. Sometimes the point is just to finish a book you like. Other times, it’s to raise a child or fix a broken system. It’s okay if your "why" is small. Small is sustainable. Huge, world-changing purposes are exhausting and, frankly, statistically rare.
Why Social Connection is the Heavy Lifter
If you look at the Harvard Study of Adult Development—the longest-running study on human happiness—the results are boringly consistent. It’s not money. It’s not fame. It’s the quality of your relationships.
Robert Waldinger, the current director of the study, says that lonely people die sooner. Their brain function declines faster. So, if you’re looking for a practical point in living, it’s usually found in the person sitting across from you. It’s the shared jokes, the collective grief, and the mundane act of helping a neighbor move a couch. We are social animals. When we isolate, the question of "the point" becomes much louder because we’ve cut off the very thing that provides the answer: connection.
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The Role of Suffering and Resistance
We live in a culture that is obsessed with "good vibes only." It’s toxic. It suggests that if you aren't happy, you’re doing life wrong. But what if the point in living includes the hard stuff?
Japanese philosophy has a concept called Ikigai, which is often oversimplified as "what you love + what you’re good at + what the world needs + what you can be paid for." But a deeper part of Japanese thought involves Kintsugi—the art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The cracks are the point. They make the piece unique.
If life were a straight line of constant joy, it would be a flatline. The resistance, the grief, and the struggle provide the contrast that makes the "good" parts actually mean something. You can't have a story without a conflict. If you’re in a season of struggle right now, that doesn't mean your life lacks a point. It means you’re in the middle of a chapter that requires grit.
Practical Steps to Find Your "Why" Right Now
If you're feeling untethered, waiting for a lightning bolt of inspiration is a losing game. You have to build the point from the ground up.
First, stop looking for "The Answer." There isn't one. There are only answers that work for today.
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Try a "Micro-Mission" approach:
Instead of trying to find the point for the next forty years, find the point for the next forty minutes. Maybe it’s making a really good cup of coffee. Maybe it’s sending a text to a friend you haven't talked to in months. These tiny bits of agency remind your brain that you have power.
Audit your "Shoulds":
A lot of existential dread comes from living someone else’s life. "I should want this promotion." "I should want a big wedding." "I should be more productive." Peel those back. What do you actually care about when nobody is watching? If you didn't have to post about your life on social media, what would you still enjoy doing?
Lean into "The Flow":
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi identified "flow" as the state where you’re so involved in an activity that time disappears. For some, it’s coding. For others, it’s gardening or playing a video game or painting. Finding activities that trigger flow is a shortcut to feeling like life has a point. It’s the ultimate form of "being present."
Act before you feel:
The biggest mistake we make is thinking we need to feel motivated or feel a sense of purpose before we act. It’s actually the opposite. Action creates the feeling. Go volunteer, even if you don't feel like it. Start the project, even if you think it’s pointless. The momentum of doing something—anything—usually clears the fog.
Living is a skill. It’s something you get better at as you experiment. Some days the point is just to see what happens tomorrow. And honestly? That’s plenty.
Actionable Takeaways for the Existential Crisis
- Conduct a "Joy Audit": Track your time for three days. Mark which activities left you feeling energized and which felt like a soul-drain. Increase the former by 10% next week.
- The 5-Minute Rule: When the "what's the point" thoughts get too loud, commit to five minutes of physical movement or a tactile task (like washing dishes). It grounds the nervous system.
- Connect Beyond Yourself: Find one way to be useful to someone else this week. It could be as small as leaving a genuine positive review for a local business or helping a colleague. Usefulness is a potent antidote to pointlessness.
- Redefine Success: Move away from "output" metrics (money, status) and toward "input" metrics (curiosity, kindness, presence).