Truth is, when people think about the Milwaukee Monster, they picture the apartment, the blue barrels, and that chillingly blank stare during the trial. But there’s a shadow in the story that most people barely glance at. David Dahmer.
The question pops up constantly: what did jeffrey dahmer do to his brother? If you’re looking for a horror story involving the two siblings, you won't find one. Not in the way you might expect, anyway. Jeffrey didn't physically harm David. He didn't make him a victim of his dark impulses. Honestly, the most "monstrous" thing Jeffrey did to David was simply existing as his brother—and then, eventually, abandoning him.
The Gap Between the Brothers
There was a massive six-year age gap between the two. Jeffrey was born in 1960; David didn't arrive until 1966. By the time David was old enough to even play catch, Jeffrey was already deep into his own head, collecting roadkill and feeling the first surges of a very different kind of darkness.
Lionel Dahmer, their father, wrote about this in his memoir A Father's Story. He mentioned that Jeffrey actually felt a bit of resentment toward David. Typical sibling stuff? Maybe. But for Jeffrey, it was more about the "scant attention" of their parents. David was the new baby, the one who wasn't withdrawn, the one who didn't just have a double hernia surgery that seemingly changed his entire personality.
The house in Bath, Ohio, was a pressure cooker. Their mother, Joyce, struggled with severe mental health issues and prescription pill addiction. Lionel was often buried in his chemistry work. David was caught in the middle of a collapsing marriage, while Jeffrey was already "gone"—mentally checked out and beginning his obsession with animal bones.
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The Moment of Abandonment
The real "act" Jeffrey committed against David happened in 1978. It’s a moment that feels like something out of a bleak indie movie.
Their parents’ marriage finally hit the wall. A messy divorce followed. Joyce took David—who was only about 12 at the time—and moved to Wisconsin to live with relatives. Lionel had already moved out.
And Jeffrey? He was 18. He was left in the family home entirely alone.
No food. No money. A broken refrigerator.
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Jeffrey didn't fight to keep David there. He didn't try to protect him from the chaos of the move. He just let them go. Within weeks of David leaving, Jeffrey committed his first murder. He killed Steven Hicks in that very house.
Think about that for a second. David was 12. If the divorce hadn't happened right then, if David had stayed in that house, would he have become a target? Or a witness? It’s a haunting "what if" that true crime buffs obsess over, but the reality is that the physical separation probably saved David’s life—or at least his sanity.
Why David Dahmer Vanished
After Jeffrey was arrested in 1991, the world turned its lens on the Dahmer family. It was a nightmare. While Lionel and his second wife, Shari, went on talk shows to try and explain the unexplainable, David took a different path.
He did the only logical thing a person in that position could do. He disappeared.
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- He changed his name.
- He moved away.
- He cut ties with the "Dahmer" identity completely.
Basically, David decided that what Jeffrey did to the family was enough. He didn't owe the public an interview. He didn't owe his brother a visit in prison. In fact, reports suggest David hasn't had anything to do with the family's public legacy for decades.
The Psychological Toll
Experts like Louis Schlesinger, a professor of psychology, often point out that sibling conflict is normal, but the Dahmer dynamic was anything but. Jeffrey’s crimes weren't born from his relationship with David. If anything, David was the "normal" one who highlighted just how far off the rails Jeffrey had gone.
Jeffrey's primary "sin" against David was the legacy of shame. Imagine trying to get a job, start a family, or just live a quiet life while sharing a last name with a man who ate people. David’s choice to vanish wasn't just about privacy; it was a survival tactic.
What we know about David today:
- He graduated from the University of Cincinnati.
- He has a career and a family.
- He is still alive (as of the most recent reliable reports in the mid-2020s).
- He has never, ever spoken to the press.
Actionable Takeaways for True Crime Consumers
If you're following this story, it's easy to get lost in the "monster" narrative. But the story of the brother offers a few real-world lessons:
- Respect the Survivors: David is a survivor of a different kind. Just because someone is related to a criminal doesn't mean they are part of the story. If you ever find yourself deep in a "where are they now" rabbit hole, remember that some people earned their right to be forgotten.
- Understand the Impact of Divorce on Trauma: The timing of the Dahmer divorce was a catalyst. While it didn't make Jeffrey a killer, the abandonment he felt—and the subsequent abandonment of his brother—created the isolation necessary for his crimes to begin.
- Separating Fact from Netflix: Shows like Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story dramatize the sibling bond. Stick to primary sources like Lionel Dahmer's book or court transcripts if you want the actual history.
David Dahmer did what Jeffrey never could: he built a life. He stayed "human." And in the end, that's the biggest difference between them.
If you are interested in the psychological roots of these cases, looking into Attachment Theory and how it applied to Jeffrey’s early years can provide a lot more context than just looking at the crimes themselves.