Success is a weird drug. Honestly, it makes us believe our own hype. You work hard, you get the promotion, and suddenly you think every single thing you do is the reason for that win. But here's the cold truth: you might be succeeding in spite of your behavior, not because of it.
That’s the gut-punch premise of What Got You Here Won't Get You There Marshall Goldsmith.
Marshall isn't some academic theorist. He’s the guy CEOs at companies like Ford and Pfizer call when they realize they’re being jerks and it’s finally starting to cost them money. He’s noticed a pattern. The higher you climb, the less your technical skills matter. Nobody cares if the CEO is the best at Excel. They care if the CEO is a nightmare to sit next to in a board meeting.
The Success Delusion
We all have it. It’s that little voice saying, "I'm a winner, so my habits must be winning habits." Goldsmith calls this the "Superstition Trap."
Think about a basketball player who wears the same crusty socks every game because they won once while wearing them. That’s us in the office. We bark at people or micromanage because it "worked" five years ago. We don't realize we're just carrying around smelly socks.
Successful people are incredibly resistant to change. Why? Because they’ve been rewarded for being exactly who they are. If you’re making seven figures, it’s hard to listen to a coach telling you that you're a bad listener. You just point at your bank account. But that ego is exactly what hits the ceiling.
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The 20 Habits That Are Killing Your Momentum
Goldsmith identifies 20 specific "transactional" flaws. These aren't about being "bad at business." They’re about being "bad at humans."
1. Winning Too Much
This is the big one. It’s the need to win every argument, even the ones that don't matter. Your spouse asks where you want to eat, you pick a place, they suggest another, and suddenly you're litigating why your choice is objectively superior. You "win," but you’ve just annoyed the person you love. In the office, this looks like crushing a junior employee’s idea just to show you’re right.
2. Adding Too Much Value
Imagine an employee comes to you with a great idea. It’s 95% perfect. You say, "That’s great, but let’s add this one thing to make it 100%."
You think you helped.
You didn't.
You just took ownership of the idea away from them. Now it’s your idea, and their motivation drops by half. Was that extra 5% of "value" worth losing 50% of their commitment? Probably not.
3. Starting with "No," "But," or "However"
Basically, these words are "disregard everything you just said" buttons. Even if you agree with 90% of what someone says, starting with "But..." tells them they're wrong. It’s a subtle way of saying, "I'm smarter than you."
4. Telling the World How Smart We Are
We get it. You're smart. You don't need to say, "I already knew that" when someone shares news. It doesn't make you look brilliant; it just makes you look like a tool.
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The 21st Habit: Goal Obsession
This one was added later, and it’s a killer. It’s when you become so focused on a metric—revenue, followers, a specific title—that you forget why you wanted it in the first place. You hit the goal, but you’ve burned every bridge to get there. Now you’re at the top, and you’re totally alone.
Moving Toward "There"
If you want to reach the next level, you have to stop doing stuff. Most management books tell you what to start doing. Goldsmith tells you what to stop.
He uses a process called Feedforward.
Feedback is about the past. It’s "Here’s what you did wrong." People hate feedback because you can’t change the past. It just makes us defensive.
Feedforward is different. You pick one behavior you want to change, like "being a better listener." You ask a colleague, "Can you give me two suggestions for how I can be a better listener in the future?"
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They give the ideas. You say, "Thank you."
That’s it. No defending yourself. No "But I do listen!" Just "Thank you."
The Alan Mulally Example
Alan Mulally, the former CEO of Ford, is the poster child for this. When he took over Ford, the company was hemorrhaging billions. He didn't just fix the balance sheet; he fixed the culture. He used Goldsmith’s methods to get executives to stop hiding mistakes and start being honest. He realized that the "tough guy" routine of old-school Detroit wasn't going to save the company. He had to stop the "winning too much" habit at the executive level to get everyone on the same team.
How to Actually Change (For Real)
Changing as an adult is hard. It’s painful. It’s embarrassing.
- Apologize. Go to the people you work with and say, "I realize I have a habit of interrupting people. I'm sorry. I want to get better." This clears the air.
- Listen. When people give you suggestions, shut up. Don't explain. Don't justify.
- Follow up. Change isn't a one-time event. You have to ask people every month, "How am I doing on that listening thing?" If you don't follow up, they'll assume you’ve given up.
- Practice Gratitude. Stop punishing the messenger. If someone tells you that you’re being a jerk, thank them. They just gave you the most valuable data you'll get all week.
Success isn't a destination; it's a process of shedding the skin that doesn't fit anymore. The version of you that survived the middle-management hunger games is usually too aggressive for the C-suite. You have to evolve.
Actionable Next Steps:
Identify which of the 20 habits is your "favorite" sin. This week, pick one person you trust and ask them for two "feedforward" suggestions on how to improve that specific behavior. Listen to their response without saying anything other than "Thank you," and then actually try one of those suggestions in your next meeting.