You’ve probably seen the memes. Someone straightens a pencil on a desk or organizes their apps by color and jokes about being "so OCD" or a total perfectionist. But honestly? That’s not really it. When we ask what does perfectionist mean, we aren’t just talking about a clean room or a high GPA. It’s much heavier than that. It’s a relentless, internal drive to meet standards that are often physically and mentally impossible to reach.
Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting high performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. That’s the clinical vibe, anyway. In reality, it feels like a treadmill that keeps speeding up no matter how fast you run. You’re never quite "there."
The Three Faces of Perfectionism
It isn't a one-size-fits-all situation. Back in the early 90s, psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett broke this down into three distinct types. This changed everything because it proved that being a perfectionist isn't just about how you treat yourself—it’s about how you view the world.
First, you have self-oriented perfectionism. This is the classic version. You set massive goals for yourself. You’re your own toughest critic. If you get a 98 on a test, you don't celebrate the A; you obsess over the two points you lost. It’s internal.
Then there’s other-oriented perfectionism. This one is tricky. It’s when you expect everyone else to be perfect. Your spouse, your coworkers, the barista—everyone. It ruins relationships because, let’s be real, nobody can live up to those standards. It leads to constant disappointment and a lot of "if you want it done right, do it yourself" energy.
The third one is arguably the most damaging: socially prescribed perfectionism. This is the feeling that the world demands you be perfect. You feel like your parents, your boss, or your Instagram followers won't love or accept you unless you’re flawless. It’s linked heavily to anxiety and depression because the pressure feels external and inescapable. It’s a weight you can’t put down.
Why We Get It Wrong
People often confuse perfectionism with "conscientiousness" or having a "high work ethic." There’s a massive difference. A high achiever wants to do well, but they can handle a mistake. They see a failure as a data point. A perfectionist sees a failure as a personal defect.
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It’s the difference between "I failed that task" and "I am a failure."
Research by Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill has shown that perfectionism is actually on the rise. They looked at data from over 40,000 college students between 1989 and 2016 and found that all three types of perfectionism have increased significantly. Why? Well, look around. We live in a meritocracy where your worth is tied to your output. Toss in social media, where everyone’s highlight reel looks like a finished masterpiece, and you have a recipe for a mental health crisis.
The Procrastination Paradox
Here is the weirdest part about what does perfectionist mean in the real world: many perfectionists are actually big-time procrastinators.
It sounds counterintuitive. If you want things to be perfect, wouldn't you start early? Not necessarily. If you’re terrified that the end result won't be perfect, you might never start at all. The fear of a "less-than" outcome is so paralyzing that you’d rather not try than try and be mediocre. This is called "paralyzing perfectionism." You aren't lazy. You’re scared.
Think about the writer who spends three hours on the first sentence. Or the entrepreneur who never launches the website because the font isn't "quite right." It’s a defense mechanism. If you don't finish, you can't be judged.
Is There a "Good" Kind of Perfectionism?
This is a heated debate in psychology circles. Some experts talk about "adaptive perfectionism" (healthy striving) versus "maladaptive perfectionism" (the toxic stuff).
Adaptive perfectionists find joy in the pursuit. They have high standards, but they’re flexible. If things go sideways, they pivot. They’re motivated by a desire to achieve. Maladaptive perfectionists, on the other hand, are motivated by a fear of failure. It’s the "carrot vs. the stick" metaphor. One person is running toward a goal; the other is running away from a nightmare.
Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher who has spent decades studying shame and vulnerability, argues that perfectionism isn't about self-improvement at all. She says it’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield we lug around thinking it will protect us from being hurt, when in reality, it’s the very thing preventing us from being seen.
The Physical Toll
It isn't just "in your head." Chronic perfectionism keeps your body in a state of high stress. We're talking elevated cortisol levels. Constant "fight or flight" mode. Over time, this wears you out.
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- Fatigue and burnout. You can’t sustain 110% effort forever.
- Chronic headaches or digestive issues caused by constant tension.
- Insomnia because your brain is replaying a conversation from 2014 where you said something slightly awkward.
- Social isolation. You’re either too busy working or too afraid of being judged to hang out with friends.
It’s exhausting. Truly.
How to Scale Back
If you’re reading this and thinking, "Oh no, that’s me," don't panic. You don't have to be a perfectionist about fixing your perfectionism.
Start with "Good Enough." It sounds like a dirty phrase to a perfectionist, but it’s a survival skill. Try to complete a low-stakes task at 80% effort. See what happens. Most of the time? Nobody notices. The world doesn't end. The ceiling stays up.
Practice self-compassion. This sounds fluffy, but it’s backed by science. Dr. Kristin Neff’s research shows that being kind to yourself when you mess up actually makes you more resilient and more likely to succeed in the long run. Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. You’d never tell your best friend they’re a "worthless loser" for missing a deadline, so why say it to yourself?
Another trick is exposure therapy. Intentionally make a small mistake. Send an email with a typo to a friend. Leave one dish in the sink overnight. Get used to the feeling of imperfection. It’s like a muscle you have to build.
Real-World Impact
In the workplace, perfectionism is a double-edged sword. Managers love perfectionists because they turn in flawless work. But those same employees are the ones who burn out the fastest. They’re the ones who struggle to delegate because they don’t trust anyone else to meet their "standard." This creates a bottleneck. If you're a leader, recognizing this in your team is vital. You have to reward the effort and the learning, not just the "perfect" result.
Actionable Steps for the "Recovering" Perfectionist
If you want to move the needle today, try these specific shifts:
- Set a time limit: Give yourself 20 minutes for a task that usually takes an hour of "fiddling." When the timer goes off, you're done. Move on.
- Redefine "Perfect": Start viewing "perfection" as "finished and functional." A finished B+ project is infinitely more valuable than a "perfect" project that never leaves your hard drive.
- Watch your "Shoulds": Pay attention to how often you say "I should have..." or "They should be..." Replace it with "It would have been nice if..." or "I prefer..." It lowers the temperature of the internal demand.
- Focus on the "Why": Why are you doing the task? To impress people? Or to provide value? If you focus on the value, the tiny flaws matter a lot less.
Perfectionism is a thief. It steals your time, your joy, and your peace of mind. Understanding what does perfectionist mean is the first step in realizing you don't have to live that way. Life is messy. Humans are messy. There’s a certain kind of beauty in the cracks—as Leonard Cohen famously sang, "That's how the light gets in."
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Stop trying to be a statue. Start being a human. It’s much more interesting, anyway.