Ghosting used to be the end. You’d send a text, get no reply, and eventually, the silence became the message. But the digital age has birthed something much weirder and, frankly, more annoying. You’ve probably seen it. You post a mundane photo of your morning coffee or a blurry video from a concert, and there they are. At the top of your viewer list. The person who stopped replying to your texts three months ago. The person who "wasn't ready for a relationship" but is somehow ready to see what you had for lunch. This is orbiting.
It feels like a haunting, but with better WiFi.
Popularized back in 2018 by Anna Iovine writing for Man Repeller, the term describes a very specific, modern phenomenon. When someone orbits you, they keep you "in their orbit." They stay close enough to see everything you do, but they never actually interact with you. No texts. No calls. Just a lingering digital presence that keeps them relevant in your mind without requiring them to actually put in any effort. It’s a low-stakes way of staying connected that leaves the person on the receiving end feeling confused, frustrated, or even hopeful—often for no good reason.
The Psychology Behind Why People Orbit
Why do people do this? It’s rarely about grand romantic gestures or "waiting for the right moment." Honestly, it’s usually much lazier than that.
Psychologists often point toward a few different motivators. First, there’s the FOMO factor. Fear of Missing Out isn’t just about parties; it’s about people. If someone orbits you, they’re essentially keeping a foot in the door. They might not want to date you right now, but they don't want to close the door forever. By watching your stories, they stay updated on your life just in case they decide they want back in later. It’s a "just-in-case" strategy.
Then, there’s the ego stroke. There is a weird power dynamic in being the silent observer. They get to see you, but you don't get to see them—at least, not in any meaningful way. It keeps them on your radar. Every time you see their name pop up in your views, you think about them. You wonder why they’re looking. You might even analyze your posts to see if they’re "sending a message" back.
Power and Validation
For some, orbiting is a tool for validation. They want to know they still have access to you. If they see that you haven't blocked them and that they can still peek into your life, it confirms that they still hold a certain level of influence. It’s a bit narcissistic. Actually, it’s a lot narcissistic.
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Orbiting vs. Ghosting: Which is Worse?
Ghosting is a clean break, even if it’s a rude one. It’s the digital version of walking out of a room and locking the door. Orbiting is like walking out of the room but standing right outside the window and staring in.
When you're ghosted, you go through the stages of grief. You’re mad, you’re sad, and then you move on because there’s nothing left to engage with. But when someone is orbiting, the grief cycle gets stuck on "loop." You can’t fully move on because their name keeps flashing on your screen. It creates a "Zeigarnik Effect"—a psychological term for the way our brains obsess over unfinished tasks or interrupted sequences. Because the relationship never had a formal "The End," your brain treats the orbiting as an ongoing story.
It’s exhausting.
Digital Breadcrumbs and Mixed Signals
Let’s talk about the "Like." Sometimes an orbiter will go a step further than just watching a story; they’ll double-tap a photo from three weeks ago. This is often called breadcrumbing.
Breadcrumbing is the act of sending out tiny bits of interest—crumbs—to keep someone following you. It’s not a meal. It’s not a relationship. It’s just enough to keep you from forgetting them. When an orbiter likes a photo, they know exactly what they’re doing. They know a notification will pop up on your phone. They know your heart might skip a beat.
But notice what they don't do. They don't comment. They don't send a DM asking how you are. They don't suggest grabbing a drink. They do the absolute bare minimum required to remain a thought in your head.
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The Impact on Mental Health
Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that "uncertainty" in social interactions causes significantly more stress than "certain negative outcomes." Basically, it’s easier to deal with a breakup than it is to deal with a "maybe." Orbiting thrives on this uncertainty. It keeps your nervous system in a state of low-level hyper-vigilance. You’re constantly subconsciously scanning for their presence.
How to Handle an Orbiter
So, you’ve identified that you’re being orbited. What now? You have a few options, and honestly, the best one is usually the most boring one.
The Mute Button is Your Friend
You don’t have to block someone to make them disappear. Most social platforms allow you to hide your stories from specific people. If seeing their name in your views is messing with your head, just hide your content from them. You don’t owe them a window into your life.
The Hard Block
If the orbiting is part of a toxic cycle—maybe an ex who was manipulative—the block button is the only real solution. It’s not "petty." It’s boundary setting. It stops the data flow in both directions.
Ignore the "Signal"
If you choose to do nothing, you must commit to the idea that their views mean nothing. A story view is not an olive branch. It is not an apology. It is not a sign that they miss you. It is a thumb-swipe made while they were likely bored on the couch or waiting for a bus. Treat it with the same level of importance they are: zero.
Reality Check: Maybe It’s Just the Algorithm?
We have to be a little objective here. Sometimes, orbiting isn't intentional.
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Social media algorithms are designed to keep us scrolling. If you used to interact with someone a lot, the app will keep putting their stories at the front of your feed. Sometimes people just tap through every story in their bar without even looking at the screen. They might be "viewing" your life while they’re brushing their teeth, not even registering whose name is at the top of the screen.
However, if they are consistently the first person to watch every single thing you post, that’s intentional. That’s a choice.
Moving Forward Without the Ghost
Orbiting is a side effect of a world where we are more connected than ever but less intimate. It’s easy to watch; it’s hard to talk. It’s easy to hover; it’s hard to commit.
The most important thing to remember is that your life is not a spectator sport. You aren't producing content for the benefit of someone who chose not to be in your life. If someone wants to know how you’re doing, they have your number. They can use it. Anything less than a direct conversation is just background noise.
Actionable Steps to Reclaim Your Digital Space
If you find yourself obsessing over an orbiter, take these steps immediately to break the spell:
- Audit your followers. Go through your list. If there are people there who make you feel anxious when you see their name, remove them. You don't need a "reason" other than your own peace of mind.
- Turn off story view notifications. If you find yourself checking "who viewed this" every ten minutes, stop. Some third-party apps can help, or you can just commit to not scrolling down on that list.
- Change your privacy settings. Switch to a "Close Friends" list for your more personal updates. This ensures that only the people who actually care about you—and who you actually care about—are seeing your day-to-day life.
- Reflect on your own habits. Are you orbiting anyone? Sometimes we do this subconsciously to our own exes. If you find yourself clicking on someone’s profile just to see if they look happy, ask yourself what you’re gaining from that information. Usually, the answer is "nothing but a headache."
- Focus on "Active" engagement. Prioritize the people who comment, call, and show up. Digital ghosts only have as much power as you give them.
The best way to "win" at being orbited is to stop noticing the orbit altogether. Live your life so loudly and authentically that the silent observers in the background eventually fade into the white noise of the internet. They can watch all they want, but they don't get to stay.