You wake up, and the floor is there. You don't think about it. You just step on it. You expect the wood or the tile to hold your weight because that’s what it has always done. This is the simplest version of the concept, but when we ask what does it mean taken for granted, we are usually talking about something much heavier than floorboards. We are talking about the slow, silent erosion of appreciation.
It happens to the best of us. Honestly, it’s a biological glitch.
Our brains are wired for something called hedonic adaptation. Basically, we get used to things. Fast. That new car smell fades. The partner who used to make your heart race now just reminds you to take out the trash. Psychologists like Sonja Lyubomirsky have spent years studying how humans return to a "baseline" level of happiness regardless of external events. When we reach that baseline, we stop seeing the value in what we have. We start treating the extraordinary as if it were just... Tuesday.
The Psychology Behind the Shrug
To really get at what does it mean taken for granted, you have to look at the "Arrival Fallacy." This is a term coined by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar. It’s the mistaken belief that once you reach a certain goal—a promotion, a marriage, a weight goal—you will reach a state of permanent bliss.
But you don't.
You arrive, you celebrate for twenty minutes, and then you start looking for the next thing. In that gap between arriving and searching, the current achievement becomes invisible. It becomes a given. It is "taken" from the realm of the special and "granted" a permanent, ignored spot in your life's background.
Think about your health. Most people don't wake up and celebrate the fact that their lungs work perfectly. They don't. They only think about their lungs when they have a chest cold and can't breathe through their nose. We "grant" ourselves health as a permanent state until it isn't. That is the danger. It’s a lack of awareness that borders on arrogance, though we don't mean it to be.
Why Relationships Are the Primary Victim
In a long-term relationship, "taken for granted" is the silent killer. It isn't a blow-up fight. It isn't a betrayal. It’s just the absence of "thank you."
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Researchers at the University of Georgia conducted a study in 2015 that found "expressed gratitude" was the most consistent predictor of marital quality. When you stop saying thank you for the coffee your partner makes, or the way they listen to your work rants, you are essentially saying that their effort is now a requirement. A duty.
Once effort becomes a duty, resentment starts to grow in the cracks.
Imagine a bridge. If you walk over it every day, you stop looking at the architecture. You stop wondering if the bolts are tight. You just trust it. But bridges need maintenance. Relationships are the same. When you take a person for granted, you’re assuming the bridge will always be there without you ever having to check the bolts.
It’s a gamble. A bad one.
The Economic Perspective: Diminishing Marginal Utility
Even economists have a take on this. They call it the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility.
The first slice of pizza is amazing. You're hungry. The cheese is perfect. The second slice is good. By the fifth slice, you’re barely tasting it. You’ve taken the flavor for granted because you’ve had too much of it. This applies to everything from the salary you earn to the freedom of the country you live in.
We are a species that acclimatizes.
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If you live in a place with a beautiful mountain view, after six months, you’ll stop looking out the window. You’ll be looking at your phone instead. Someone visiting from the city might gasp at the peaks, but to you, they are just "there." They’ve been granted a permanent spot in your visual field, so your brain filters them out to save energy for "more important" things, like checking emails.
Cultural Context and the "Standard of Living" Trap
We also do this on a societal level.
Consider the fact that you are likely reading this on a device with more computing power than the tech used to put a man on the moon. You probably feel annoyed if the page takes more than three seconds to load. We take the miracle of the internet for granted every single day.
In the late 19th century, getting a letter across the Atlantic took weeks. Now, a delay in a WhatsApp message feels like a personal affront. This shift in expectations is the cornerstone of what does it mean taken for granted in a modern context. Our "floor" of what we consider a basic human right keeps rising.
While that's good for progress, it’s terrible for personal contentment.
The Flip Side: The Value of Loss
Sometimes, the only way to understand the weight of what we took for granted is to lose it.
Ask anyone who has gone through a sudden power outage. For the first ten minutes, they keep trying to flick the light switches. They can't help it. Their brain is so conditioned to the "granting" of electricity that it refuses to accept the new reality.
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This is often called "negative visualization" in Stoic philosophy. Marcus Aurelius and Seneca used to tell themselves to imagine losing everything they loved. Not to be morbid, but to shock the system. They wanted to strip away the "granted" status of their lives so they could see the "gift" status again.
It sounds dark. It works, though.
When you spend five minutes truly imagining your life without your car, or your eyesight, or your best friend, the "taken for granted" fog lifts immediately. You realize that nothing is actually guaranteed. Everything is on loan.
Moving Toward Active Appreciation
If "taken for granted" is the default setting of the human brain, how do we change it? It isn't about being "happy" all the time. That’s impossible and honestly pretty annoying for everyone else.
It’s about "attentiveness."
- The "Why Now?" Check. Look at something you use every day. A chair. A pen. A software program. Ask yourself why it exists and what your life would look like if it vanished right this second. It’s a 10-second mental exercise.
- Verbalize the Obvious. Tell people when they do something well, even if it’s their job. Tell your barista. Tell your kid. Tell your boss. If you think something nice, say it. Keeping it inside is a form of taking the person for granted.
- Interrupt the Routine. If you always eat lunch at your desk, eat outside. If you always take the same route home, turn left. Habit is the delivery mechanism for taking things for granted. Break the habit, and you force your brain to pay attention again.
- Audit Your Complaining. We usually complain about things that are actually luxuries. "The airport is so crowded." Translation: You have the incredible privilege of flying across the globe in a metal tube. "My phone battery is dying." Translation: You have a pocket-sized supercomputer. Catching yourself in these moments is a masterclass in perspective.
Understanding what does it mean taken for granted is ultimately about realizing that the "background" of your life is actually the "foreground." The things you stop noticing are usually the things that make your life possible.
The floor is still there. But maybe today, you notice the grain of the wood. Maybe you realize how lucky you are to have a place to stand. That's the difference between existing and actually living.
Next Steps for Perspective Shift:
- Audit your "Thank Yous": For the next 24 hours, count how many times you say "thank you" for things that are "expected" (like a door being held or a report being filed).
- Practice Subtraction: Pick one item or person you rely on. Spend two minutes visualizing your day tomorrow if they were suddenly absent. Note the specific complications that arise.
- Change One Environment: Go to a room in your house you rarely use and sit there for ten minutes without a device. Look at the corners, the light, and the objects. Re-familiarize yourself with the "granted" space of your own home.