Labels are funny things. People spend their whole lives trying to find the right one, only to realize that language often moves faster than our ability to keep up with it. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what does bi mean in a world that seems to have a thousand different ways to describe who we love, you aren't alone. It's a short word. Two letters. Yet, it carries a massive history and a fair bit of baggage.
Bisexuality is, at its most basic level, an attraction to more than one gender. That's the textbook version. But honestly, the "textbook" version is usually about as interesting as watching paint dry and misses the actual human experience entirely.
The Definition That Actually Works
Back in the day, people thought being bi was a 50/50 split. You like men exactly as much as you like women. Mathematically perfect. Except, humans are messy. Robyn Ochs, a pretty legendary educator and activist in this space, defines it much better. She says it’s the potential to be attracted—romantically and/or sexually—to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.
That last part is huge.
You can be 90% into one gender and 10% into another and still be bi. It isn’t a math equation. It’s a spectrum. Some people feel like "bi" is a home base, while others see it as a stepping stone, though that's a bit of a controversial take depending on who you ask in the community.
Historically, the medical world used "bisexual" to describe plants or animals that had both male and female parts. It was biological. It wasn't until the late 19th century that psychologists like Richard von Krafft-Ebing started using it to describe human desire. Even then, it was viewed through a lens of pathology—something to be "fixed" or categorized as a deviation. We've come a long way since then, thank God.
Wait, Isn’t It Just Two?
This is where things get heated on social media.
A common misconception is that the "bi" prefix (meaning two) implies there are only two genders. If you follow that logic, then being bisexual excludes non-binary or trans people.
That’s basically a myth.
The "two" in bisexual usually refers to "my own gender and other genders." Organizations like GLAAD and the Bisexual Resource Center have been shouting this from the rooftops for decades. The 1990 "Bisexual Manifesto" published in Anything That Moves magazine explicitly stated that people shouldn't assume bisexuality is binary. They were ahead of the curve. They knew back then that gender was fluid.
Bi vs. Pan: What’s the Real Difference?
You’ve probably heard the word "pansexual" thrown around. It’s a great word.
Pansexuality generally means attraction to people regardless of gender. The gender of the person doesn't really play a factor in the "spark." For some bisexuals, gender is a factor in how they experience attraction. They might like the ruggedness of a certain presentation and the softness of another.
Is there an overlap? Absolutely. A huge one.
Many people find that both terms fit. They pick "bi" because it’s more widely recognized, or they pick "pan" because it feels more specific to their vibe. Honestly, it’s mostly about which flag you think looks better or which community feels like "your people." There’s no "Orientation Police" coming to check your ID.
The Erasure Problem is Real
There’s this weird thing that happens to bi people. If a bi woman marries a man, people say, "Oh, I guess she’s straight now." If she dates a woman, they say, "See? I knew she was a lesbian."
It’s called bi-erasure. It’s exhausting.
You don't lose your "bi card" just because of who you're currently dating. Your identity is about your potential for attraction, not your current relationship status. Think of it like being bilingual. If I speak English and Spanish, but I’ve only spoken English all day today, I didn't suddenly forget how to speak Spanish. I'm still bilingual.
This erasure has actual health consequences. Research from the Trevor Project and the Human Rights Campaign consistently shows that bisexual individuals face higher rates of anxiety and depression compared to their gay or straight peers. Why? Because they often feel like they don't belong anywhere. Too "queer" for the straight world, but not "queer enough" for the gay world. It’s a lonely middle ground sometimes.
Cultural Milestones and Famous Faces
Seeing people live openly helps. A lot.
We’ve seen a shift in how the media handles the question of what does bi mean through the lives of celebrities. Look at Aubrey Plaza, Janelle Monáe (who has used both bi and pan labels), or even the legacy of David Bowie. In the 70s, Bowie was open about his fluidity, though he fluctuated on how he labeled it throughout his life.
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Then there’s the fictional world.
Characters like Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine or Eleanor Shellstrop from The Good Place have made bisexuality feel normal. Not a plot twist. Not a "phase." Just a part of who they are. When Rosa came out on the show, it was a massive moment because the writers didn't make her "choose" by the series finale. She stayed bi. That matters for visibility.
Navigating the Myths
Let's kill a few more rumors while we're at it.
- "Bi people are more likely to cheat." No. People who cheat, cheat because of their character, not their orientation. Being attracted to more than one gender doesn't mean you have double the urge to be unfaithful. It just means your "type" is broader.
- "It's just a phase." For some, sure, identity can shift over time. But for most, it's a lifelong orientation. Calling it a phase is just a way to dismiss someone's reality because it's uncomfortable to acknowledge fluidity.
- "They just want attention." If you knew how much flak bi people get from both sides, you'd realize nobody is doing this for "attention." It’s often easier to just pick a side and stay quiet. Coming out as bi takes a specific kind of guts.
How to Support Someone Who Just Came Out
If a friend tells you they're bi, don't ask them if they're "sure." Don't ask for "percentages."
Just say, "Cool, thanks for telling me."
Maybe ask if they have a preferred term they like to use. Some people like "queer" because it’s an umbrella. Others find "queer" offensive because of its history as a slur. It’s all about the individual. The most important thing is not to treat their identity as a puzzle you need to solve.
It’s also helpful to realize that bisexuality looks different in different cultures. In some non-Western cultures, the Western labels don't fit perfectly. The concept of "Two-Spirit" in some Indigenous North American cultures or "Muxe" in Mexico covers a range of identities that might overlap with what we call bisexual, but they carry their own deep spiritual and social meanings.
The Logistics of the Flag
If you see a flag with pink, purple, and blue stripes—that’s the one.
Michael Page designed it in 1998. The pink represents same-gender attraction, the blue represents different-gender attraction, and the purple is that overlap in the middle. It’s a pretty clever piece of design. You’ll see it at Pride parades, on enamel pins, and in Twitter bios everywhere.
Moving Forward With This Knowledge
Understanding what does bi mean isn't about memorizing a dictionary definition. It’s about recognizing that human attraction is a vast, shimmering spectrum. We like to put things in boxes because boxes make us feel safe. They make the world predictable. But people aren't predictable.
If you are questioning your own identity, take a breath. You don't need to have an answer by tomorrow morning. You can try a label on for size and see if it fits. If it starts to feel tight or uncomfortable, you can change it.
The goal isn't to find the "perfect" word that locks you in forever. The goal is to find a word that makes you feel seen.
Practical Steps for Allies and Searchers
If you're looking to be a better ally or just want to understand more, here’s what you can actually do:
- Audit your language. Avoid saying things like "both genders." Try "all genders" or "people of different genders." It’s a small tweak that shows you recognize the world is bigger than a binary.
- Read bi authors. Check out books like Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner. It gets into the politics of the identity in a way that’s way deeper than a blog post could ever go.
- Stop the "Coming Out" pressure. If you suspect someone is bi, don't "out" them or push them to talk about it. Let people move at their own pace.
- Validate their relationships. If a bi friend is in a "straight-looking" relationship, don't assume their identity has changed. Acknowledge their partner, but don't erase their history.
- Learn the history. Look into the Stonewall Riots. People often forget that Brenda Howard, a bisexual woman, is known as the "Mother of Pride" because she coordinated the first Christopher Street Liberation Day march. Bisexual people have been at the forefront of the movement since day one.
Identity is a journey. Sometimes it's a straight line, but more often, it's a winding road with a lot of interesting stops along the way. Whether you're bi, curious, or just trying to be a decent human being, the most important thing is to lead with empathy. Language will keep evolving, and that's okay. We'll just keep updating our definitions as we go.