It starts in the chest. That heavy, sinking sensation that feels less like an emotion and more like a physical blow to the sternum. You’ve probably felt it. If you’re reading this, you might be feeling it right now. When people ask what becomes of the broken hearted, they aren't usually looking for lyrics to an old Motown hit. They want to know why their ribs ache. They want to know why they can’t sleep, why their brain feels like it’s wrapped in wet wool, and when the literal, physical pain will stop.
Love is a drug. That’s not a metaphor; it’s a biological fact. When you’re in a deep relationship, your brain is marinating in dopamine and oxytocin. It’s an addiction. Then, someone pulls the plug.
The withdrawal is brutal.
The Biology of a Shattered Heart
Most people think heartbreak is "all in your head." They're wrong. When your heart breaks, your brain registers the emotional trauma in the exact same regions that process physical pain—specifically the secondary somatosensory cortex and the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex. This was famously demonstrated in a 2011 study by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan. He used fMRI scans to show that looking at a photo of an ex triggered the same neural pathways as being burned on the arm.
Your body is literally being tricked into thinking it’s under physical attack.
Then there’s the cortisol. Stress hormones flood the system. This isn't just a "bad mood." It’s a systemic biological event. High levels of cortisol over a prolonged period send blood away from your digestive system and toward your muscles, preparing you for a "fight or flight" response that has no target. This is why you lose your appetite. It’s why you get the "heartbreak shakes."
Sometimes, it goes even further.
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Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy is Real
You might have heard of "Broken Heart Syndrome." Doctors call it Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. It was first described in Japan in 1990. Basically, a massive surge of stress hormones like adrenaline can "stun" the heart muscle. The left ventricle actually changes shape. It balloons out.
It looks like a takotsubo—a ceramic pot used by Japanese fishermen to trap octopuses.
The symptoms? They are identical to a heart attack. Chest pain. Shortness of breath. Changes in rhythm. While most people recover within a few weeks, it’s a terrifying reminder that the mind-body connection isn't some "woo-woo" concept. It is a hardwired physiological link. If you’re wondering what becomes of the broken hearted, the answer is often "they end up in the ER thinking they’re dying."
Why Your Brain Won't Let Go
Ever wonder why you can’t stop checking their Instagram? Or why you drive past their house even when you know it’ll make you miserable?
It's a craving.
Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who has spent decades putting people in scanners, found that the brains of the recently heartbroken look remarkably similar to the brains of cocaine addicts going through withdrawal. The ventral tegmental area—the brain's reward center—is screaming for its fix.
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The fix is the person who left.
Every time you look at an old photo, you’re giving yourself a tiny "hit" of that person. But it’s never enough. The "crash" that follows is deeper than the one before. This is why "No Contact" isn't just a trendy dating tip; it’s a clinical necessity for neurological recalibration. You have to let the receptors in your brain downregulate. It takes time.
It takes a lot of time.
The Social Cost of Being Broken
We live in a society that gives you three days off for a funeral but expects you to be back at your desk at 9:00 AM the Monday after a five-year relationship ends. It’s absurd.
Loneliness isn't just a bummer. It’s a health risk. Research from Brigham Young University has suggested that chronic loneliness can be as damaging to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. When we lose a primary partner, we lose our "biological co-regulator."
Think about that.
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Couples often synchronize their heart rates, their sleep cycles, and even their cortisol rhythms. When that person is gone, your body loses its pacer. You are quite literally out of sync with the world. This disruption of the circadian rhythm is why the broken hearted often find themselves staring at the ceiling at 3:00 AM, wondering how life became so unrecognizable so fast.
Moving Through the Debris
So, what actually happens to these people? Do they just stay broken?
Not usually. But the "stages of grief" aren't a straight line. They’re more like a bowl of spaghetti. You might feel "Acceptance" at 10:00 AM and find yourself back at "Bargaining" by lunchtime because you smelled their favorite laundry detergent in the grocery store.
The key is neuroplasticity.
The brain is remarkably good at re-wiring itself. Eventually, the neural pathways associated with that person begin to prune away. The "craving" centers quiet down. You start to build new pathways. This is what people mean when they say "time heals." It’s not that the time itself does the work; it’s that the brain is physically restructuring itself in the absence of the old stimulus.
Actionable Steps for the Biological Recovery
If you are currently in the thick of it, forget the "positive vibes." You need to manage your biology first.
- Treat it like a physical injury. If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't expect yourself to run a marathon. Give yourself permission to be slow. Lower your expectations for your productivity at work or school for at least 30 days.
- Shock the system. Cold exposure (like a 30-second freezing shower) can trigger a release of endorphins and help snap the brain out of a ruminative loop. It forces your nervous system to focus on the "now" rather than the "then."
- Force the social connection. Even if you don't want to talk about the breakup, just being in the physical presence of trusted friends can help regulate your nervous system through "co-regulation."
- Stop the digital self-harm. Every time you check their social media, you are resetting the clock on your dopamine withdrawal. Block, mute, or delete. Your brain cannot heal if you keep re-infecting the wound.
- Watch for the 90-day mark. Many therapists and researchers note a significant shift around the three-month mark. This is often when the acute physiological stress starts to plateau and the "new normal" begins to take root.
The reality of what becomes of the broken hearted is that they change. You don't go back to who you were before the relationship. You become someone new—someone with a slightly more resilient nervous system and a deeper understanding of the terrifying power of human attachment.
The pain is a byproduct of a system designed to keep us together. It’s the price of admission for being a social mammal. It’s heavy, it’s exhausting, and it’s deeply painful, but it is also a temporary state of biological emergency. Your body wants to find balance again. Let it.