Thirty years. That is three decades of shared tax returns, mortgages, dental appointments, and probably a few old Volvos that finally gave up the ghost. When a marriage of that length dissolves, it isn’t just a breakup; it’s a total structural dismantling of two lives that have practically fused together. You’re likely wondering, "What am I entitled to after 30 years of marriage?" and the answer is rarely a simple 50/50 split.
It's complicated.
In legal circles, a 30-year marriage is what’s known as a "marriage of long duration." This isn’t just a sentimental label. It’s a legal threshold that fundamentally changes how a judge looks at your bank accounts, your house, and your future. While state laws—like whether you live in a community property state like California or an equitable distribution state like New York—dictate the starting point, the sheer length of time you’ve been together often pushes the needle toward a much more integrated division of assets.
The House and the "Marital Home" Rule
Let’s talk about the house. For most people hitting the 30-year mark, the home is the biggest piece of the pie. Even if one person’s name is the only one on the deed, if you’ve lived there for three decades and used marital funds to pay the mortgage or fix the roof, that house is almost certainly a marital asset.
You might be entitled to half the equity, or perhaps even more if you are the spouse who sacrificed career growth to maintain that home. Courts don't just look at who wrote the checks. They look at who "added value." If you spent 30 years gardening, painting, and managing the contractors, that’s sweat equity. Judges in states like Florida or Illinois often consider these non-monetary contributions when deciding how to carve up the proceeds of a sale.
Retirement, Pensions, and the QDRO
This is where things get gritty. You’ve both been working—or one has—toward a retirement that was supposed to happen together. Now that the "together" part is off the table, the money stays.
If your spouse has a 401(k), a 403(b), or a traditional pension, you are likely entitled to a significant portion of it. We are talking about the "Marital Share." This is calculated by looking at the value of the account accrued from the day you said "I do" until the day you filed for divorce. To actually get that money without paying massive tax penalties, you’ll need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO).
💡 You might also like: Human DNA Found in Hot Dogs: What Really Happened and Why You Shouldn’t Panic
Do not skip this. Without a QDRO, you’re just looking at a number on a screen you can't touch.
Social Security is the hidden win
Many people don't realize that after 10 years of marriage, you might be entitled to claim Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse's work record. Since you’ve hit 30 years, you’re well past that mark.
The best part? It doesn't take a penny away from your ex-spouse's check. They don’t even have to know you’re doing it. If you are 62 or older and your ex-spouse is entitled to Social Security, you can receive up to 50% of their primary insurance amount, provided your own benefit isn't higher. It’s a literal lifeline for spouses who stayed home or worked lower-paying jobs while supporting a partner's high-flying career.
Alimony: The shift from "temporary" to "permanent"
In a short marriage—say, five years—alimony is usually just a "bridge" to help someone get back on their feet. After 30 years? The landscape shifts.
Many jurisdictions still recognize the concept of "permanent" or "long-term" spousal support for marriages of this length. The logic is that after 30 years, you’ve likely reached an age where "re-training" for a new career isn't feasible. If one spouse earns $200,000 and the other hasn't worked since 1996, the court isn't going to just say "good luck" to the lower earner.
They look at the standard of living established during the marriage.
📖 Related: The Gospel of Matthew: What Most People Get Wrong About the First Book of the New Testament
If you spent 30 years flying business class and living in a certain zip code, the court tries to ensure neither spouse falls into a drastically lower socio-economic class. However, be aware that "permanent" alimony is becoming rarer. Some states, like Massachusetts, have overhauled their laws to tie alimony duration to the length of the marriage (often 80% of the length of the marriage for anything over 20 years). Others stop alimony exactly when the payer hits retirement age.
The "Grey Divorce" Trap: Health Insurance
This is the one nobody thinks about until the mediator brings it up. If you’ve been covered under your spouse’s employer-sponsored health insurance for 30 years, you are in for a shock.
Once the divorce decree is signed, you are no longer a "dependent." You’re out.
You can use COBRA to stay on the plan for up to 36 months, but you’ll be paying the full premium yourself—and it is expensive. When asking "what am I entitled to after 30 years of marriage," you must factor the cost of private health insurance or Medicare into your alimony demands. If you’re 62 and divorcing, you have three "gap years" to cover before Medicare kicks in. That cost should be a primary negotiation point.
Business Interests and Professional Degrees
Did your spouse start a consulting firm in year ten? Did you help them study for their MBA in year five?
In a 30-year marriage, a business started during the union is almost always marital property. Even if you never stepped foot in the office, your "indirect contributions"—running the household so they could work 80-hour weeks—give you a claim to the value of that business.
👉 See also: God Willing and the Creek Don't Rise: The True Story Behind the Phrase Most People Get Wrong
This usually requires a forensic accountant. They’ll look at "goodwill" and "book value." You aren't just entitled to half the bank account; you’re entitled to a portion of the value of that entity.
Inheritances and Gifts: The "Commingling" Problem
Usually, an inheritance is separate property. If your Great Aunt Martha left you $50,000 in 2005, it’s yours.
But wait.
Did you put that $50,000 into the joint savings account to pay for your kid’s college? Did you use it to renovate the kitchen in the house you both own? If so, you’ve "commingled" those funds. After 30 years, almost everything tends to get commingled. If you can’t trace the money back to a separate, untouched account, it’s likely going to be split.
Taking the Next Steps
Divorce after 30 years isn't just about ending a contract; it's about re-allocating a lifetime of shared resources.
- Gather three years of every possible document. Tax returns, credit card statements, property tax assessments, and 401(k) snapshots. You cannot claim what you cannot prove exists.
- Audit your "invisible" contributions. Write down the years you spent out of the workforce, the moves you made for your spouse's career, and the domestic management you handled. This is your leverage for alimony and asset division.
- Consult a C.D.F.A. (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst). Lawyers are great for the law, but they aren't always great at math. A CDFA can show you how a 50/50 split today might look in 15 years after taxes and inflation.
- Check your Social Security status. Go to the SSA website and see what your spouse's projected benefit is. It’s a key part of your retirement income that requires zero negotiation with your ex.
The goal isn't just to get "half." The goal is to ensure that the next 30 years are financially secure. You’ve put in the time; now make sure the math reflects that reality.