You're exhausted. Honestly, most of us are. You’ve probably spent the last week arguing with a coworker, feeling bitter about a family member's political post, or just simmering in traffic while wondering why everyone is so incredibly difficult. It feels like a constant, draining physical grind against people. But there’s this ancient piece of advice found in the Book of Ephesians—specifically Ephesians 6:12—that suggests we’re basically shadowboxing. The verse says we wrestle not against flesh and blood, and if you actually stop to chew on that, it changes how you look at every single conflict in your life.
It's a weird thought.
If the person screaming at you isn't the real enemy, who is? Paul the Apostle, writing from a Roman prison cell around 60-62 AD, wasn't just being poetic. He was giving a tactical briefing. He was telling a small group of people in Ephesus that their real struggle wasn't against the Roman guards or the local critics, but against "principalities and powers." It sounds like something out of a high-fantasy novel, but for millions of people, it’s the only lens that makes sense of why the world feels so chaotic right now.
What it actually means to fight things you can't see
When the Bible says we wrestle not against flesh and blood, it’s using the Greek word pale. This wasn't a boxing match where you stay at arm's length. It was hand-to-hand, skin-to-skin wrestling. It’s intimate. It’s messy. It’s the kind of fight where you can feel the other person's breath. By saying the fight isn't with "flesh and blood," the text is trying to get us to look past the person standing in front of us.
Think about it this way.
When you get into a blowout fight with your spouse over a dirty dish, is it really about the dish? Of course not. It’s about feeling undervalued, or fear of abandonment, or a legacy of pride that you both brought into the room. Those are the "spiritual" forces. They are the invisible scripts and dark impulses that drive human behavior. When we focus on the person—the flesh and blood—we usually just end up hurting someone we love while the actual problem (bitterness, greed, or insecurity) sits in the corner and laughs at us.
The historical context of the Ephesian struggle
Ephesus was a wild place. It was a massive hub for the worship of Artemis, and the economy was basically built on selling silver idols. When people started following the teachings of Jesus, it didn't just change their Sunday plans; it wrecked the local economy. There were riots. Real, physical, dangerous riots.
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Yet, Paul tells them the fight isn't with the rioters.
He was writing to a group of people who were likely terrified of the Roman government and the local temple authorities. By shifting the perspective to a spiritual realm, he wasn't telling them to ignore reality. He was telling them that the "flesh and blood" authorities were just puppets for much larger, darker systemic forces. If you want to change the world, or even just your own neighborhood, you have to address the root, not just the fruit.
Why we keep losing the wrong fights
We are addicted to fighting people. It’s easy. You can block a person on social media. You can yell at a neighbor. You can fire an employee. It gives us a hit of dopamine because we feel like we "won." But have you noticed that even after you "win" those fights, the underlying tension in your life usually stays exactly the same?
That's because the "wrestle" is internal and spiritual.
- Anger is a secondary emotion. Underneath it is almost always pain or fear.
- Systemic injustice isn't just about one bad actor; it's about spiritual rot that settles into institutions.
- Addiction isn't just a chemical hook; it’s often a spiritual attempt to fill a hole that nothing physical can touch.
If you believe the person across from you is the enemy, your only options are to destroy them, avoid them, or appease them. But if you believe we wrestle not against flesh and blood, you can actually have compassion for the person while hating the "power" that is currently driving them. It’s a radical shift in psychology. It allows you to stay calm while someone else is losing their mind because you realize they are being influenced by things they don't even understand.
Breaking down the "Principalities and Powers"
Paul gets specific. He mentions rulers of the darkness of this world and spiritual wickedness in high places. In the first century, people took this literally—demonic entities and territorial spirits. Even if you aren't a religious person, this framework is incredibly useful for understanding "emergent properties" in sociology.
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Have you ever noticed how a crowd of decent people can suddenly turn into a cruel mob? Or how a corporation can make decisions that none of the individual employees actually agree with? There is a "spirit" to things. There are atmospheres of fear, greed, or nihilism that seem to hang over certain places or eras. That is what this verse is pointing toward. The "darkness" isn't a person; it's a condition.
How to actually "wrestle" correctly
So, if the enemy isn't human, how do you fight? The passage famously goes on to talk about the "Armor of God." Most people skip straight to the cool-sounding gear like swords and shields, but they miss the point. The armor is almost entirely defensive.
- Truth. Not your "personal truth," but objective reality. Most spiritual battles are won simply by refusing to believe a lie. If the "voice" in your head says you’re worthless, that’s a spiritual attack. The counter-move isn't to work harder; it’s to stand in the truth that you have inherent value.
- Peace. It’s weird that peace is considered a weapon, right? But in a world that is addicted to outrage, being a person who cannot be easily offended is a superpower. When you refuse to be baited into a flesh-and-blood argument, you've already won the spiritual one.
- Faith. This isn't just "belief." It’s trust. It’s the shield that catches the "fiery darts." Those darts are usually thoughts: They’re out to get you. You’re going to lose everything. Nobody cares. Faith is the shield that says, "I don't have to live in that fear."
The trap of modern tribalism
We are living in an era where we are being conditioned to see every other person as an enemy. Politics, religion, even sports—everything is "us vs. them." This is the ultimate "flesh and blood" trap.
When we spend all our energy hating the "other side," we are doing exactly what these spiritual forces of discord want. We become distracted. We stop caring for the poor because we're too busy arguing about them. We stop building communities because we're too busy defending our silos.
If we truly believe we wrestle not against flesh and blood, we have to stop treating people like villains and start treating them like captives. There's a massive difference. You don't hate a captive; you try to set them free. You don't destroy a person who is under the influence of a dark "principality" like racism or bitterness; you try to shine a light that exposes the lie they’re living under.
It’s a daily grind, not a one-time event
The word "wrestle" implies something ongoing. You don't win the wrestling match and then never have to worry about it again. It’s a daily posture. You wake up, and you’ll likely feel that familiar pull to be annoyed, to be anxious, or to be vengeful.
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You have to remind yourself: The person cutting me off in traffic is not my enemy. The boss who forgot my promotion is not my enemy. The child who is screaming is not my enemy.
It’s hard. It’s probably the hardest way to live because it requires you to take responsibility for your internal state instead of blaming external people. But it’s also the only way to find actual peace. You can't control the "flesh and blood" around you. You can't make people be kind, or fair, or rational. But you can refuse to engage on their level. You can choose to fight the real battle.
Actionable steps for shifting your perspective
If you want to start applying this "not against flesh and blood" philosophy, you can't just think about it. You have to practice it when the stakes are low so you're ready when they're high.
- The Three-Second Pause: When someone says something that triggers you, wait three seconds. Ask yourself: "What is the spirit behind this?" Usually, it's fear or insecurity. Responding to the fear instead of the words changes the whole dynamic.
- Audit Your Feed: If the media you consume makes you hate specific groups of people (flesh and blood), you are being trained to lose the spiritual war. Unfollow the accounts that thrive on outrage.
- Identify Your "Darts": What are the recurring negative thoughts that knock you off balance? Write them down. Once they are on paper, they lose their "spiritual" power and just look like the silly lies they actually are.
- Practice "Aggressive Kindness": It sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s the ultimate tactical move. If the spiritual force at work is "discord," the most effective way to fight it is with an unexpected act of generosity. It breaks the "script" that the dark principalities are trying to run.
The next time you feel that heat rising in your chest because of something someone did, just breathe. Remind yourself of the reality: we wrestle not against flesh and blood. The real fight is much deeper, but the good news is, it's a fight you’re actually equipped to win. Stop wasting your strength on the shadows.
Focus on the source. Stay in the truth. Keep your peace. That’s how the real battle is won.