Let's be real. We’ve been lied to about the bathroom. For decades, Western culture has insisted that a few swipes of dry, processed paper is the gold standard for personal cleanliness. It’s not. In fact, if you got chocolate on your arm, you wouldn’t just rub it with a dry napkin and call it a day, right? You’d use water. This is exactly why the wash ur bum bum movement—a mix of bidet advocacy and better skin health awareness—is finally exploding in the US and Europe.
It’s about time.
People are finally waking up to the reality that dry wiping is basically just smearing. If you’re still relying solely on 2-ply, you’re likely leaving behind bacteria that can lead to irritation, micro-tears, or even infections like pruritus ani. It’s a bit gross when you actually stop to think about it. But the shift toward washing isn't just about being "fancy" with a bidet. It’s a fundamental change in how we treat the most sensitive skin on our bodies.
The Science of Why You Should Wash Ur Bum Bum
Your skin isn't a flat surface. Under a microscope, it looks like a mountain range full of peaks, valleys, and pores. When you use dry toilet paper, you’re mostly cleaning the "peaks" while pushing waste deeper into the "valleys."
Dr. Evan Goldstein, a rectal surgeon and founder of Bespoke Surgical, has been vocal about this for years. He argues that aggressive wiping can cause "polished" skin, which sounds shiny but is actually a sign of chronic irritation. Water is different. It’s a solvent. It physically lifts particles away without the friction of wood pulp. When you wash ur bum bum, you’re reducing the risk of anal fissures and hemorrhoids, which are often exacerbated by the "sandpaper" effect of constant dry wiping.
Think about the microbiome. We talk about gut health constantly, but the external microbiome of your posterior matters too. Residual fecal matter contains bacteria like E. coli. If that sits on the skin for hours, it changes the local pH. Normal skin pH is around 5.5—slightly acidic. Stool is more alkaline. When that sits there, it breaks down the skin barrier. That’s when the itching starts. That’s when the discomfort becomes a daily reality.
The Friction Problem
Most people don't realize they are wiping too hard. It’s a reflex. You want to feel clean, so you scrub. But the skin in that area is thinner than the skin on your face. You wouldn't take a piece of dry paper and scrub your eyelid ten times a day, would you? Of course not. But we do it to our bottoms without a second thought. Washing removes the need for mechanical force.
Bidets vs. Wipes: The Great Debate
When people decide to wash ur bum bum, they usually go one of two ways: the bidet or the "flushable" wipe.
Here is the truth: flushable wipes are a lie. Ask any plumber. Ask the city of New York, which spends millions every year clearing "fatbergs" out of the sewers. These wipes don't break down like toilet paper. They stay intact, catch on pipe imperfections, and create massive clogs. Even worse? Many contain methylisothiazolinone (MI), a preservative that causes contact dermatitis in a huge percentage of the population. You think you’re being clean, but you’re actually applying a chemical cocktail to a sensitive area.
Then there’s the bidet. It’s the superior choice, honestly.
- Electric Bidets: These are the Ferraris of the bathroom. We’re talking heated seats, warm water, and air dryers. Brands like Toto have turned this into an art form.
- Non-Electric Attachments: These are cheap (often under $50) and hook directly to your water line. They use cold water, which sounds terrifying, but most people find it refreshing after the first few tries.
- The Peri-Bottle: Often used postpartum, it’s basically a squeeze bottle with a nozzle. It’s the entry-level way to wash ur bum bum if you’re traveling or on a budget.
Environmental Impact That Isn't Just "Green-Washing"
It takes roughly 37 gallons of water to make a single roll of toilet paper. That’s insane. In contrast, a bidet use uses about an eighth of a gallon of water per wash. If you’re worried about wasting water, the math actually favors the bidet.
We use about 36 billion rolls of toilet paper in the US every year. That’s millions of trees—many from the Canadian boreal forest—down the drain. When you wash ur bum bum, your toilet paper consumption drops by about 75% to 100%. You only need a couple of squares to pat dry. Or, if you have a fancy bidet with a dryer, you don't need paper at all. It’s one of those rare instances where the "eco-friendly" option is also the most hygienic and luxurious one.
Common Misconceptions About Washing
A lot of people are scared of the "splash." They think a bidet is going to spray dirty water everywhere. It doesn't. The nozzles are angled to hit the target and drain directly into the bowl. Modern nozzles even have a self-cleaning function that rinses the tip before and after every use.
Another fear? "It’s too cold."
Honestly, your bum isn't as sensitive to temperature as your hands are. Unless you live in a climate where your pipes are literal ice, the ambient water temperature is usually just fine. And if it’s not, a $300 electric seat solves that problem forever with a built-in water heater.
How to Transition to a Washing Routine
If you want to start, don't overthink it. You don't need to remodel your bathroom.
First, stop buying wipes. Just stop. If you really need moisture and don't have a bidet yet, apply a tiny bit of water to your toilet paper, but be careful because it will tear.
Second, look at your bathroom setup. Do you have a power outlet near the toilet? if yes, get an electric bidet seat. If no, get a mechanical attachment. Companies like Tushy or Luxe Bidet have made these incredibly easy to install. It takes about 15 minutes and a wrench. No plumber required.
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Third, learn the "pat dry" technique. You are no longer scrubbing. You are gently dabbing away the excess moisture. If you’re using a bidet, the water did the heavy lifting. The paper is just the towel.
Actionable Steps for Better Hygiene
- Audit your current irritation level. If you experience frequent itching or redness, your dry-wiping habit is the likely culprit.
- Install a bidet attachment. It’s the single biggest upgrade you can make to your home for under $100. It pays for itself in toilet paper savings within six months.
- Switch to bamboo paper for the drying phase if you want to be extra eco-conscious. It’s softer and more sustainable than traditional wood pulp.
- Avoid soaps. When you wash ur bum bum, use water only. The internal skin doesn't need harsh surfactants or fragrances, which can strip away natural oils and cause more problems than they solve.
- Dry thoroughly. Moisture left behind can lead to fungal issues (like a localized yeast infection). Use the bidet's air dry feature or a dedicated clean cloth/toilet paper to ensure you're dry before pulling up your pants.
Changing how you use the bathroom feels weird at first because it's a habit you've had since you were three years old. But once you start washing, the idea of going back to just paper feels barbaric. It's cleaner, it's better for your skin, and it's better for the planet. Stop smearing and start washing. Your body will thank you.