Being a parent is basically like running a marathon while people throw snacks and laundry at your head. We all see the curated squares on Instagram. You know the ones. The beige living rooms. The toddlers eating organic kale without a fuss. But underneath that shiny surface, there is a phrase that keeps popping up in journals, therapy rooms, and whispered late-night conversations: want to know a secret love mom. It sounds like a child’s game, but it’s actually a window into the complex, often messy reality of modern motherhood that nobody wants to post about.
Parenting is hard. Seriously.
Most moms are walking around with a mental load that would crush a Victorian farm laborer. We manage schedules, doctor appointments, emotional regulation for tiny humans who can’t find their shoes, and the ever-present guilt of wondering if we’re doing enough. When someone says "want to know a secret love mom," they aren't usually talking about a hidden stash of chocolate—though that definitely exists. They’re talking about the silent parts of the job. The parts where you feel lonely in a room full of people.
The Invisible Weight of the Secret
There is this weird cultural expectation that mothers should be endlessly self-sacrificing. If you aren't tired, are you even trying? This "martyrdom" culture makes it nearly impossible for women to be honest about how they feel. According to Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a psychiatrist specializing in women’s mental health and author of Real Self-Care, true wellness isn't a bath bomb. It’s about setting boundaries and being honest about the "secret" struggles of the role.
The secret is often just human exhaustion.
I talked to a friend recently who admitted she sometimes stays in her car for fifteen minutes after getting home from work just to sit in the silence. That’s her "secret." She loves her kids. She’d jump in front of a bus for them. But in that moment, she just needs to be a person, not "Mom." This distinction is where the phrase want to know a secret love mom really hits home. It's about the tension between the deep, primal love for a child and the desperate need for individual identity.
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Why We Keep These Secrets
Society judges moms. Hard.
If you admit you’re bored playing Legos for the fourth hour, you’re "ungrateful." If you mention that you miss your pre-baby body or career trajectory, you’re "selfish." So, we keep it inside. We create this secret world where we pretend everything is fine while our internal tabs are all crashing. Research from the American Psychological Association has consistently shown that the "mental load"—the invisible labor of managing a household—falls disproportionately on women, leading to higher rates of burnout and anxiety.
It’s not just about doing the dishes. It’s about remembering that it’s library book day and that the toddler needs new shoes because his toes are touching the ends of his current ones.
Breaking the Cycle of "Perfect" Motherhood
Honestly, the "perfect mom" trope is a lie. It was invented to sell cleaning products in the 1950s and updated to sell aesthetic nursery gear in the 2020s. To move past the want to know a secret love mom phase of hiding, we have to start being uncomfortably honest.
Acknowledge the Shadow Feelings. It is okay to love your children and dislike the process of parenting sometimes. These two things can exist at the same time. This is called dialectical thinking. You can be grateful for your family and also be really annoyed that someone touched your face with sticky hands at 6:00 AM.
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Find Your "Safe" People. Not every mom group is a safe space. Some are competitive arenas of organic snacks and early reading milestones. Find the people who will laugh when you tell them you forgot it was pajama day at school.
Lower the Bar. Your house does not need to look like a museum. Your kids do not need to be enrolled in six different extracurriculars. Sometimes, a "secret" to a happier life is just doing less.
The science of maternal bonding is fascinating, but it's also been used to pigeonhole women. Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, a renowned sociobiologist, argues in her work Mother Nature that human mothers have always relied on "alloparenting"—help from others in the community. The "secret" struggle of the modern mom is often just the fact that we are trying to do something that was meant for a village, all by ourselves in a suburban house.
Practical Steps Toward Radical Honesty
If you’re feeling the weight of your own "secrets," it’s time to offload. This isn't about a massive life overhaul. It's about small shifts in how you communicate and view yourself.
Audit your "Shoulds." Sit down and look at your weekly tasks. How many of them are things you want to do, and how many are things you feel you should do to look like a "good" mom? If you're baking cupcakes for the bake sale because you feel pressured, but you actually hate baking, just buy them. No one cares as much as you think they do.
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Communicate the Mental Load. Stop expecting your partner to "see" what needs to be done. They won't. Not because they're mean, but because their brain isn't wired to track the level of laundry soap. Use tools like the Fair Play method by Eve Rodsky. It turns the invisible "secret" labor into a tangible deck of cards that can be shared.
Reclaim Your Name. When was the last time someone called you something other than "Mom"? Make an effort to engage in a hobby or a conversation that has nothing to do with your children. This isn't a luxury; it's a neurological necessity for maintaining your sense of self.
The phrase want to know a secret love mom shouldn't be a confession of failure. It should be an opening for a real conversation about the reality of raising humans in the 21st century. We are all just winging it. Even the mom with the perfect hair and the organized pantry is struggling with something.
Actionable Insights for the Overwhelmed Mom
- Identify one "secret" struggle you’ve been hiding (like feeling lonely or hating a specific chore) and share it with a trusted friend this week. You’ll likely find they feel the same way.
- Implement a 20-minute "Off-Duty" window daily where you are not responsible for any requests unless there is an actual fire.
- Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel inadequate. If their "perfect" life triggers your "secret" guilt, they don't deserve a spot in your feed.
- Shift the language. Instead of saying "I have to," try saying "I'm choosing to." If you can't say "I'm choosing to," it might be a task you can delegate or drop entirely.