If you walk into any domestic violence shelter or a family court advocacy office today, you’re almost guaranteed to see a specific circular diagram tacked to the wall. It’s been there for decades. It’s the Power and Control Wheel. Honestly, it’s probably the most influential piece of paper in the history of social work, yet most people who aren't "in the system" have never even heard of it.
Violence isn't just a black eye.
That’s the core message. When we talk about power and control wheel domestic abuse frameworks, we’re moving away from the "he hit her" narrative and looking at the "why" and the "how" of systemic entrapment. It’s about a pattern. It's about a climate of fear that someone builds around their partner, brick by brick, until the victim feels like there's no air left to breathe.
Where did the wheel actually come from?
The 1980s were a wild time for social change. In Duluth, Minnesota, a group of activists and survivors got tired of the legal system treats domestic "disturbances" like isolated incidents of bad temper. They realized that the physical hitting was just the tip of the iceberg. The real monster was the stuff happening in between the fights.
They sat down with women who had been through the ringer. They listened.
Ellen Pence and Michael Paymar were two of the big names behind what became known as the Duluth Model. They didn't just guess what was happening; they let the survivors describe their lives. These women didn't talk about "anger management." They talked about being tracked, being told they were crazy, and being cut off from their moms or best friends. From those conversations, the power and control wheel domestic abuse graphic was born. It wasn't academic theory; it was a map of lived hell.
It’s not about losing your temper
Society loves to blame "losing control." We say, "He just snapped," or "She has a temper."
That’s a lie.
Domestic abuse is actually about gaining control. If someone snaps because they have an "anger problem," they’d punch their boss or a cop, too. But they don't. They wait until they're behind closed doors. They choose the target. They choose the timing. That’s not a loss of control—it’s a very specific, calculated exercise of power.
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The wheel puts physical and sexual violence on the "rim." Think of it like the tire of a bike. It’s the part that hits the ground and leaves the mark. But the "spokes" are what hold the whole thing together. These are the non-physical tactics that make the physical violence so effective. If a partner hits you once, you might leave. But if they’ve already spent two years convincing you that you’re worthless, that no one else wants you, and that they control every cent in your bank account?
Then, when the hit comes, you stay.
The Spokes: How the Trap Works
One of the big ones is Coercion and Threats. This isn't always "I'll kill you." Sometimes it’s "I’ll tell the cops you’re an unfit mother" or "I’ll kill myself if you leave." It’s a psychological cage.
Then there’s Intimidation. This is the "look." You know the one. The smash of a plate, the kicking of a dog, or simply cleaning a gun while having a "civil" conversation. No one was touched, but the message was received: I can hurt you whenever I want.
Emotional Abuse is the constant drip-feed of poison. Calling someone "fat," "stupid," or "crazy." Eventually, the victim starts saying it to themselves. This is where "gaslighting" lives—though the wheel was created way before that became a TikTok buzzword. It’s about making someone doubt their own memory. Did he really say that? Was it really that bad?
Maybe I’m just overreacting.
Isolation is the silent killer. It starts slow. "I don't like your sister; she’s a bad influence." Or, "Why do you need to go out with the girls when we could have a movie night?" Before you know it, your phone is silent, and you’re alone in a house with your abuser. You have no sounding board. No one to tell you that this isn't normal.
The Money and the Kids
We have to talk about Economic Abuse. It’s arguably the most effective way to keep someone trapped. If you don’t have access to the bank account, or if your partner makes you quit your job so you can "focus on the home," you’re stuck. You can’t buy a bus ticket. You can’t rent an apartment. You are literally a prisoner of your own finances.
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And Using Children. It’s the ultimate trump card. Using the kids to relay messages, threatening to take them away, or making the victim feel guilty for "breaking up the family." It’s gut-wrenching. It’s effective.
Why some people hate the Duluth Model
No tool is perfect. In 2026, we’re seeing a lot more nuance in how we discuss power and control wheel domestic abuse dynamics.
Critics often point out that the original wheel was designed specifically around male-to-female violence. It was rooted in a patriarchal framework. Some argue it doesn't account for the unique ways abuse manifests in LGBTQ+ relationships, where "outing" someone can be a tool of control. Or what about female-to-male abuse?
Men are often shamed into silence, and the original Duluth framework didn't always have a seat at the table for them. However, many modern advocates have adapted the wheel to be gender-neutral because, honestly, the tactics—the isolation, the threats, the economic strangulation—look pretty much the same regardless of who is behind them.
The core truth remains: abuse is a choice to dominate another person.
The "Equality Wheel" is the goal
You can't just show someone a map of their prison and leave them there.
The creators also made an Equality Wheel. It’s the "after" picture. It focuses on Negotiation and Fairness, Non-threatening Behavior, and Honesty and Accountability. It’s about being a partner, not a warden.
The difference is night and day. In a healthy relationship, power is shared. You don't "win" an argument; you solve a problem. You don't monitor your partner’s texts; you trust them. It sounds simple, but for someone who has lived within the power and control wheel domestic abuse cycle for years, these concepts can feel like a foreign language.
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Moving beyond the diagram
If you’re reading this and pieces of the wheel are clicking into place like a horrific puzzle, you need to know that you aren't crazy.
The wheel exists because thousands of people have lived exactly what you’re living. You aren't the first person to be told you're "imagining things." You aren't the first person to stay because you're broke.
But understanding the pattern is the first step to breaking it.
When you see the tactics for what they are—tools of a trade—they lose a tiny bit of their magic. It’s not "love" that makes them act this way. It’s a strategy. And once you see the strategy, you can start looking for the exit.
Actionable Steps if You See Yourself in the Wheel
If you realize you’re in a situation defined by these tactics, "just leaving" is often the most dangerous advice someone can give you. The moment an abuser feels they are losing that precious control, the violence often spikes. You need a plan.
- Document the "Invisible" Stuff: We’re trained to only report physical hits. Start keeping a secret log of the other things. The threats, the withheld money, the times they blocked the door so you couldn't leave. Use a "hidden" app or a friend's phone if yours is monitored.
- Identify the Safe Person: Who is the one person your partner hasn't successfully isolated you from yet? Reach out. You don't have to tell them everything. Just say, "I’m going through a hard time, and I need you to check in on me."
- Check Your Tech: In the modern era, power and control wheel domestic abuse often involves air-tags, shared iCloud accounts, and "Find My" apps. If you’re planning a move, do it from a library computer or a burner phone.
- Consult the Professionals: National domestic violence hotlines (like 800-799-7233 in the US) aren't just for when you're bleeding. They are for when you’re confused. They can help you build a "Safety Plan" that is specific to your life.
- Trust Your Gut: If you feel like you're walking on eggshells, it’s because the floor is covered in them. You aren't oversensitive. You're reacting to a real threat.
The Power and Control Wheel isn't just a drawing. It’s a mirror. If you don't like what you see in it, remember that the wheel can be broken, but it usually takes a village—and a lot of courage—to do it.
Start by acknowledging the pattern. Once you name the monster, it becomes a lot easier to fight.
Resources for Support:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- The Duluth Model Official Site: For educational materials on the wheel's history.
- WomensLaw.org: For state-specific legal information regarding restraining orders and custody.
Next Steps for You:
If you suspect a friend is caught in this wheel, don't judge their "weakness" for staying. Instead, look at the spokes. Are they isolated? Are they broke? Offer them a "bridge"—be the one person who doesn't judge, who keeps their secrets, and who stays available for when they are ready to make a move. Sometimes, just knowing the Equality Wheel exists is enough to start the engine of change.