It starts as a flicker. A sudden, jarring image or a "what if" that feels like a physical punch to the gut. You’re sitting on the couch, or maybe you’re just walking through the kitchen, and suddenly your brain serves up a thought so repulsive it makes your skin crawl: i wanna have sex with my mom.
You aren't a monster. You’re probably just experiencing a very specific, very documented form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) often referred to as Incest OCD or Sexual Orientation/Identity OCD (SO-OCD).
The panic is real. It’s a cold, sinking feeling. Most people who experience this don't talk about it because the taboo is so heavy, but in the world of clinical psychology, this is actually well-trodden ground. It’s one of the most common ways "Harm OCD" or "Taboo OCD" manifests. The irony? The more you hate the thought, the more it sticks. That’s the "white bear" effect in action. If I tell you not to think about a white bear, you’re going to see one immediately.
Why Your Brain Picks the Absolute Worst Thing
OCD is a glitch in the brain's "all-clear" signal. It targets the things you value most. If you are a deeply moral person who loves your family, your brain might use that against you by suggesting the most immoral, violating thing possible. It’s called an ego-dystonic thought.
Ego-dystonic means the thought is the polar opposite of your actual desires, your character, and your identity. People who truly want to commit these acts generally don't feel the crushing guilt and anxiety that someone with OCD feels. They don't spend hours on Google searching for reassurance that they aren't a "secret" deviant.
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Dr. Steven Phillipson, a pioneer in the treatment of OCD, often explains that the brain’s amygdala—the fire alarm—doesn't know the difference between a real threat and a thought. When that thought i wanna have sex with my mom pops up, your amygdala screams "DANGER!" This creates a loop. You feel anxiety, so you try to prove to yourself you don't want it. You check your body for "arousal." You replay memories. You avoid being alone with your mother.
But every time you check, you’re just telling your brain, "Hey, this thought is really important! Keep bringing it up!"
The Trap of Groinal Responses
This is where it gets really messy and confusing for people. Sometimes, when the brain is hyper-focused on a sexual thought (even a hated one), it sends blood flow to the genitals. This is known as a groinal response.
It’s not actual arousal. It’s a physiological reflex caused by stress and hyper-awareness.
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Imagine if someone pointed a gun at your knee and said, "Don't let your knee twitch." Your knee is going to feel weird. It might even tingle or move. That doesn't mean you want to be shot. It means you're focusing intensely on that body part. In the context of OCD, the brain interprets this physical sensation as "proof" of the thought, which only deepens the cycle of shame.
Real Experts and the Science of Intrusive Thoughts
Research by psychologists like Dr. Jonathan Abramowitz at the University of North Carolina has shown that nearly 90% of the general population has intrusive thoughts that are violent, sexual, or otherwise "weird." The difference between someone with OCD and someone without it isn't the content of the thought.
It’s the reaction to it.
A "normal" brain sees the thought and goes, "Wow, that was a weird thought," and then moves on to thinking about what to have for lunch. The OCD brain sees the thought and goes, "Why did I think that? Does this mean I'm a predator? I need to figure this out right now."
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Trying to "figure it out" is the compulsion.
Moving Toward Recovery Without the Shame
The gold standard for treating this is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). It sounds terrifying. Basically, you have to stop fighting the thought.
If you keep trying to push the thought i wanna have sex with my mom out of your head, it will just bounce back harder. ERP involves sitting with the discomfort without doing a "compulsion." A compulsion could be praying, asking for reassurance, checking your body, or avoiding your mom.
You learn to say, "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. It's just a thought." This robs the thought of its power. When you stop treating it like a five-alarm fire, the brain eventually gets bored and stops sending the signal.
Practical Steps to Take Today
- Stop Googling. Every time you search for "am I a monster" or read forums for reassurance, you are feeding the OCD. Reassurance is like a drug; the "hit" lasts ten minutes, then the doubt comes back stronger.
- Label the thought. When it happens, don't say "I'm thinking this." Say, "I am experiencing an intrusive thought about incest." This creates a bit of distance between you and the event happening in your neurons.
- Don't avoid. If you've been avoiding your mom, stop. Go sit in the same room. Let the anxiety spike. Let it be 10/10. Eventually, your nervous system will realize there is no actual predator in the room and the heart rate will drop on its own.
- Find a specialist. Look for a therapist specifically trained in ERP or ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). General talk therapy can actually make OCD worse because it encourages "analyzing" the thoughts, which is exactly what you need to stop doing. Organizations like the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) have directories of specialists who deal with "taboo" themes every single day. They have heard it all. You won't shock them.
The goal isn't to never have the thought again. The goal is to reach a point where the thought can happen, and you just don't care. You might see the image or hear the phrase and think, "Oh, there’s that OCD glitch again," and then go back to scrolling on your phone or finishing your dinner. That is what recovery looks like. It's not the absence of thoughts; it's the absence of fear.