It is a funny thing about labels. We spend so much time trying to fit people into neat little boxes—straight, gay, lesbian—that we often overlook the messy, beautiful reality of how people actually live. If you’ve ever found yourself having sex with men and women, you’re part of a massive, often misunderstood demographic. Honestly, the data suggests you’re in very good company. According to a 2023 Gallup poll, about 7.2% of U.S. adults identify as LGBTQ+, and more than half of those people identify specifically as bisexual. That is a lot of people navigating the nuances of multi-gender attraction.
The Reality of Multi-Gender Attraction
Let's be real: society likes things binary. You’re either this or you’re that. But human desire doesn't usually play by those rules. When we talk about sex with men and women, we are talking about a spectrum. For some, it’s a 50/50 split. For others, it’s a 90/10 preference that shifts depending on the day, the person, or the vibe of the room.
Dr. Alfred Kinsey pointed this out decades ago with his famous Kinsey Scale. He argued that most people aren't purely heterosexual or purely homosexual. While his 1940s research has its critics for modern sampling methods, the core idea holds up: human sexuality is fluid. You might date a man for three years and then find yourself deeply attracted to a woman. That doesn't mean your previous relationship was a lie. It just means you have a capacity for attraction that isn't limited to one gender.
It’s often called "bi-erasure." People see a man with a woman and assume he’s straight. They see that same man with another man and assume he’s finally "come out" as gay. It's frustrating. It ignores the reality that for many, gender isn't the primary dealbreaker in the bedroom.
Beyond the Physical
Sure, the physical mechanics change. But the emotional landscape of having sex with men and women is where things get interesting. You might find that you connect with different genders in vastly different ways. Maybe with men, there’s a certain type of physical energy you enjoy, while with women, you find a deeper emotional or communicative resonance—or vice versa.
There is no "right" way to feel.
Health, Safety, and the "Bi-Plus" Community
We need to talk about the stuff people usually skip over in these conversations. Sexual health is different when your partner pool is diverse. If you are having sex with men and women, your risk profile isn't a monolith.
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The CDC and various health organizations have noted that bisexual individuals often face unique health disparities. Some of this is due to the stress of "double discrimination"—not feeling "gay enough" for the queer community and not feeling "straight enough" for the rest of the world. This stress can lead to higher rates of anxiety or substance use.
Physically, it’s about being smart.
- If you're a man having sex with men, you should be aware of PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) for HIV prevention.
- If you're having sex with women, you're looking at different sets of STI risks and, depending on the anatomy involved, pregnancy prevention.
- Regular testing is basically a non-negotiable requirement for anyone with multiple partners, regardless of gender.
It’s about being an advocate for your own body. Don't let a doctor's assumptions dictate your care. If you tell a provider you’re bisexual and they give you a blank stare, find a new provider. You deserve someone who understands the nuances of your life.
The Myth of the "Phase"
I hate the "it’s just a phase" argument. It’s lazy.
Experimentation is a valid part of being a human being. Even if someone has sex with men and women for a period of time and then decides they prefer one over the other, that doesn't invalidate the time they spent in the middle. However, for millions of people, this isn't a transition period. It's their permanent orientation.
Think about celebrities like Janelle Monáe or Aubrey Plaza. They’ve been open about their fluid attractions. It isn't a PR stunt; it’s a reflection of a generation that is increasingly comfortable saying, "I like who I like."
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Navigating Relationships and Jealousy
When you're open to multiple genders, partners can sometimes get insecure. It’s a weirdly specific type of jealousy. A girlfriend might worry she "can’t give you what a man can," or a boyfriend might feel threatened by your attraction to women.
This usually stems from the partner's own insecurity, not your behavior.
Communication is the only way through this. You have to explain that your attraction to other genders doesn't make you more likely to cheat. Cheating is a character flaw, not a side effect of bisexuality. Monogamy is a choice you make regardless of who you’re attracted to. If you’re in a committed relationship, your partner needs to understand that you chose them, not their gender.
On the flip side, some people who have sex with men and women find that ethical non-monogamy (ENM) or polyamory works best for them. This allows them to explore different facets of their sexuality with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It isn't for everyone, but for those who make it work, it can be incredibly freeing.
The Social Landscape in 2026
We are living in a time where the "traditional" family structure is being re-evaluated. More people are realizing that they don't have to follow a pre-written script.
The internet has played a huge role here. Whether it's TikTok creators sharing their "bi-awakening" stories or subreddits dedicated to navigating mixed-orientation marriages, the community is more visible than ever. This visibility matters. It tells the person sitting in a small town, feeling confused about their feelings for their neighbor and their best friend, that they aren't broken.
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They’re just human.
Actionable Steps for Navigating Your Sexuality
If you are currently exploring or living a life where you have sex with men and women, here is how to handle it with grace and confidence.
Prioritize your mental health. Seek out "bi-affirming" therapists if you're struggling with identity. Use resources like The Trevor Project or the Bisexual Resource Center. They exist for a reason.
Get specific about protection. Use the right tools for the right job. Internal condoms, external condoms, and dental dams are all part of a healthy toolkit. Know your status and your partner's status.
Practice radical honesty. Whether you are on a first date or in a ten-year marriage, be clear about your identity. It filters out the people who won't respect you. You don't owe everyone your life story, but you do owe yourself a life lived authentically.
Find your community. You don't have to do this alone. Seek out spaces—online or in person—where being "both" or "all" is celebrated rather than questioned.
Ultimately, having sex with men and women is simply one way of experiencing the world. It’s about connection, pleasure, and the freedom to be yourself without apology. Stop worrying about the labels and start focusing on the quality of your connections. Your identity belongs to you, and nobody else gets to define it.