History books usually paint Ulysses S. Grant as the grizzled, cigar-chomping general who saved the Union. He’s the face on the $50 bill. He’s the stoic warrior. But if you want to understand the man, you actually have to look at the woman standing right next to him. Julia Dent Grant, the wife of Ulysses S. Grant, wasn’t just a passive observer of his meteoric rise. She was the anchor. Honestly, without her, it’s a coin toss whether he would have even made it through the Civil War, let alone to the White House.
Their relationship was, for lack of a better word, intense.
They were obsessed with each other in a way that felt almost modern. While other Victorian couples were practicing the art of "stiff upper lip" and formal distance, the Grants were exchanging letters that would make a romance novelist blush. She called him "Ulys." He called her "my dearest Julia."
But there’s a lot of baggage here. Julia wasn't a simple "hero's wife" archetype. She was a woman of contradictions—a Southern plantation girl who married the man who crushed the Confederacy. She was a First Lady who was mocked for her looks but ended up being one of the most popular hostesses in D.C. history.
The "Plain" First Lady with a Secret Power
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Julia’s eyes. She had a condition called strabismus, basically meaning her eyes were crossed. In an era where physical "perfection" was a sign of status, this was a big deal. She was self-conscious. You'll notice in almost every portrait or photo, she’s posing in profile. She was trying to hide it.
She actually considered surgery once she became First Lady.
💡 You might also like: The Birmingham Hoover Metropolitan Area Is Way More Than Just a Steel Town
Ulysses wouldn't hear of it. He told her he loved her exactly as she was—the woman he fell in love with at her father's Missouri plantation, White Haven. That kind of devotion is rare now, but in the 1800s? It was practically unheard of for a man of his stature to be so vocal about his wife's "imperfections" being beautiful to him.
A Southern Girl in a Union World
This is where it gets messy. Julia grew up in a slave-holding family. While her husband was leading the Union Army to end slavery, Julia was sometimes traveling with an enslaved woman named Jule to help with the kids.
It's a jarring image.
The wife of the man fighting for freedom, being attended to by someone who wasn't free. History is rarely clean. Julia’s father, "Colonel" Frederick Dent, was a staunch Democrat and Southern sympathizer who pretty much thought his son-in-law was a failure for most of his early life.
Why she stayed at the front
Most wives stayed home during the war. Not Julia. She traveled over 10,000 miles during the conflict to be near Ulysses. Why?
📖 Related: Why the Air Max 95 Neon Green Still Rules the Streets Thirty Years Later
- His Sobriety: It’s no secret Grant struggled with alcohol when he was lonely or bored. Julia knew her presence kept him on the "straight and narrow."
- His Mental Health: He suffered from debilitating migraines. She was the only one who could soothe them.
- Political Instincts: She was a better judge of character than he was. She warned him about people who were trying to use him.
She was essentially his unofficial Chief of Staff before the job existed.
The White House Years: From "Waif" to Queen
Julia loved the White House. Like, really loved it. She called her eight years there the "happiest period" of her life. While Grant was dealing with the stress of Reconstruction and the scandals that rocked his administration, Julia was busy turning the Executive Mansion into a social powerhouse.
She was the first "First Lady" to become a national celebrity. People followed her fashion. They obsessed over her daughter Nellie’s White House wedding. She was the one who started the tradition of the State Dinner to honor foreign heads of state, beginning with King Kalākaua of Hawai'i.
But then, it had to end.
When Grant's second term was up, she didn't want to leave. She actually tried to convince him to run for a third term (which he eventually tried later, unsuccessfully). When they finally moved out, she famously told him she felt like a "waif on the world's wide common."
The Final Act and the First Memoir
The end of their lives was a rollercoaster. They went on a world tour, met Queen Victoria, and were treated like royalty. Then, they lost every penny in a Ponzi scheme.
As Ulysses sat dying of throat cancer, he spent his final days writing his now-famous memoirs just to make sure Julia wouldn't be penniless. He finished them days before he died. They were a massive hit, thanks in part to Mark Twain’s help with publishing.
But Julia wasn't done.
She became the first First Lady to write her own memoirs. She wanted the world to see the "Ulys" she knew. Interestingly, her book wasn't even published until 1975—nearly 75 years after she died. Her family kept it private because it was "too personal."
What You Can Learn From Julia Grant
Julia Dent Grant’s life wasn't just about being a "plus one." She was a master of resilience. She went from the wealth of a plantation to the poverty of a "Hardscrabble" farm (the literal name of the cabin Ulysses built for them), to the heights of global fame.
Practical Takeaways from her legacy:
- Trust your instincts on people: Julia often saw through the "political friends" that Ulysses couldn't. If your gut says someone is a "swindler" (like Ferdinand Ward, who ruined them), listen to it.
- Own your narrative: She didn't let the press's comments on her looks define her. She leaned into her role as a hostess and a confidante.
- Support is a two-way street: Their marriage worked because they were a team. He protected her self-esteem; she protected his reputation and his health.
If you’re ever in New York City, you can visit them both at Grant’s Tomb. It’s the largest mausoleum in North America. They are buried side-by-side, which is exactly how they spent their lives—inseparable, despite the wars, the scandals, and the eye of the public.
To get a better sense of her voice, check out The Personal Memoirs of Julia Dent Grant. It’s a rare look at 19th-century life through the eyes of a woman who saw it all, from the slave quarters of Missouri to the palaces of Europe.
Next steps to explore this history:
- Visit the Ulysses S. Grant National Historic Site (White Haven) in St. Louis to see where they met.
- Read the Personal Memoirs of U.S. Grant to see how often he mentions her (spoiler: she is the heartbeat of the book).
- Research the 1874 White House wedding of Nellie Grant to see the height of Julia's social influence.