Sex isn't working for a lot of people. That’s the blunt reality. We’ve spent the last decade focused on "yes means yes" and "no means no," which was a necessary correction, but it left a massive gap in how we actually talk about pleasure, power, and the messy reality of being a human with a body. When Katherine Angel released her book Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again, she tapped into a specific kind of cultural exhaustion. It wasn't just another academic text. It was a plea to stop treating female desire like a math equation that can be solved with more communication.
Sometimes communication is the problem. Or rather, the expectation of perfect communication is.
We live in a world that demands women know exactly what they want, when they want it, and how to articulate it with surgical precision. But desire is rarely that tidy. It’s murky. It’s reactive. Sometimes it shows up late to the party. If we want to get to a place where tomorrow sex will be good again, we have to stop pretending that clarity is a prerequisite for intimacy.
The "Certainty" Trap in Modern Intimacy
The current cultural script tells us that "consent" is the floor. It’s the bare minimum. But in our rush to make everything safe—which, let's be clear, is a good goal—we’ve accidentally created a burden of "knowability."
Expert sociologists and researchers like Angel argue that we’ve put too much pressure on the individual to be an expert on their own arousal. Think about it. You’re expected to go into an encounter with a full map of your boundaries and your "yeses." But what if you don't know? What if you're in that grey space where you're "kinda" into it but not sure yet? In the current framework, that uncertainty is often viewed as a danger zone or a failure of communication.
Actually, it’s just being human.
The phrase tomorrow sex will be good again suggests a future-tense hope. It acknowledges that right now, things feel a bit clinical. We’ve turned sex into a series of checklists. While checking in with a partner is vital—don't stop doing that—there is a growing realization that we’ve ignored the role of the imagination. If sex is only about what we can explicitly state out loud, we lose the spontaneous, the weird, and the transformative.
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Why the "Yes" Isn't Always Enough
Consider the "raunch culture" of the early 2000s. It was all about performance. Then came the #MeToo movement, which was a vital reckoning with power. Now, we are in this weird third phase. We have the vocabulary for trauma, and we have the vocabulary for consent, but we’re still struggling with the vocabulary for wanting.
I’ve talked to so many people who feel like they are doing everything "right" but still feel deeply unsatisfied. They ask for consent. They use the right terms. They read the books. Yet, the spark is missing.
That’s because desire is often responsive. Researchers like Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, have spent years explaining that many people (especially women) don't just wake up "horny." Their desire responds to their environment, their partner, and their sense of safety. If we demand that a person has to be 100% certain before anything starts, we might be cutting off the very process that allows desire to grow.
This isn't an argument for ignoring boundaries. Not at all. It’s an argument for creating environments where "I don't know yet" is a valid answer. We need a culture where we can explore without the terrifying weight of having to be "empowered" every single second. Sometimes, being empowered means being allowed to be vulnerable and undecided.
Addressing the Power Gap
We can't talk about how tomorrow sex will be good again without addressing the elephant in the room: power.
Society still views male desire as a force of nature—inevitable, straightforward, and loud. Female desire is often viewed as a mystery to be solved or a reactive response to the male lead. This creates an uneven playing field. Even in 2026, the "orgasm gap" persists. Studies consistently show that in heterosexual encounters, men are significantly more likely to reach climax than women.
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Why? Because we still prioritize the "finish line" of one partner over the experience of the other.
To fix this, we have to look at the "pleasure imperative." There’s this weird new pressure to not just have sex, but to have mind-blowing, transformative, empowered sex. Honestly? That’s exhausting. It’s just another thing to fail at. Sometimes, sex is just okay. Sometimes it’s a way to connect after a long day. By lowering the stakes and removing the performance aspect, we actually create more room for real pleasure to show up.
The Role of Vulnerability and the "Unknown"
If you look at the work of psychoanalysts like Adam Phillips, they often talk about the importance of not knowing ourselves too well. If we know everything about ourselves, there's no room for surprise. Sex is one of the few places left in a highly digital, tracked, and optimized world where we can be surprised.
But surprise requires a level of trust that is hard to find.
We’ve replaced trust with contracts. In some ways, we had to. But the goal for tomorrow sex will be good again is to move back toward a place where trust allows for a bit of "letting go." This doesn't mean "giving up" power. It means sharing it. It means a partner being so attuned to your body that they can feel the "no" before you even say it, and you feeling so safe that you don't feel the need to perform a "yes."
How We Actually Get There
So, how do we move from this clinical, checklist-heavy era into something better? It starts with reclaiming the right to be complex.
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- Stop demanding "Empowerment" as a constant state. You don't have to be a "Girlboss" in the bedroom. You can just be a person. You're allowed to have fantasies that don't align with your politics. You're allowed to be submissive, or dominant, or just plain tired.
- Value "Responsive Desire." Understand that not everyone has a "spontaneous" drive. If you're waiting for lightning to strike before you engage with your partner, you might be waiting a long time. Sometimes, the "good stuff" happens after you start.
- Redefine "Good Sex." Is it an orgasm? Is it intimacy? Is it just feeling seen? If we stop using a singular definition, the pressure drops instantly.
We also have to acknowledge the digital impact. Dating apps have turned people into products. We "swipe" based on a visual resume. This commodification makes the actual physical act feel like a transaction. If tomorrow sex will be good again, we have to start treating our partners (and ourselves) like humans again, not like a delivery service for dopamine.
Practical Steps for Better Intimacy
It’s easy to talk about theory, but what does this look like on a Tuesday night when you’re both tired and the kids are finally asleep?
It looks like honesty. Not the "brutal" kind, but the soft kind.
Instead of asking "Do you want to have sex?"—which is a high-pressure, binary question—try focusing on physical proximity without an end goal. Take the "finish line" off the table. If the goal isn't an orgasm or even penetration, the anxiety around "performance" or "knowing what you want" evaporates.
Read more. Not just self-help books, but fiction. Explore the way other people describe desire. Authors like Raven Leilani or Sally Rooney capture that "murky" desire much better than a consent brochure ever could. By seeing the complexity of others, we give ourselves permission to be complex too.
The Path Forward
The core idea behind tomorrow sex will be good again is that we are currently in a transition period. We’ve dismantled the old, harmful systems of "duty sex" and silence. Now, we are building something new. It’s clunky. It’s awkward. We’re over-correcting.
But the future of intimacy isn't about more rules. It’s about more grace.
It’s about a world where we don't have to be experts on our own bodies to be worthy of pleasure. It’s about a world where "maybe" is a safe place to sit for a while. If we can move toward that—if we can prioritize curiosity over certainty—then the sex we have tomorrow won't just be better; it will be more real.
Actionable Takeaways for a Better Future
- Audit your "Shoulds": Identify one thing you do during sex because you think you should (to be a "good partner" or "empowered") and try dropping it for a week.
- Expand the Vocabulary: Move beyond "yes/no." Use words like "curious," "hesitant," "open," or "not right now, but maybe in ten minutes."
- De-link Orgasm from Success: Explicitly decide that for the next three times you are intimate, the goal is simply "sensory connection" with no climax required. This resets the nervous system.
- Read "Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again" by Katherine Angel: It provides the historical and philosophical context for why we feel this way right now.
- Practice "Body Checking": Before engaging, take thirty seconds to feel your own pulse and breath. If you aren't "in" your body, you can't expect your partner to find you there.