It only took thirty seconds. One elevator ride. That's the part people always get stuck on when they talk about Tom Ford and Richard Buckley. Most of us spend years "dating" and "getting to know" people, but for Ford, it was basically a case of "click, sold."
He was a 25-year-old assistant designer, still relatively shy. Richard was 38, the confident, silver-haired fashion editor of Women’s Wear Daily (WWD) with eyes like an Alaskan husky—piercing, icy, and totally unapproachable. When they shared that elevator at 12th Street in New York in 1986, Buckley spent the whole time "babbling like a schoolgirl" and tap-dancing to fill the silence. Ford, on the other hand, was just standing there realizing he’d found the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with.
That wasn't just a romance. It was a strategic, creative, and emotional merger that basically built the modern luxury landscape.
The Power Couple Before the Term Existed
If you look at the 90s fashion scene, you can't separate Ford’s meteoric rise at Gucci from Richard Buckley’s presence. Honestly, the fashion industry can be a meat grinder. It chews up young talent and spits out cynical shells. When they met, Buckley was already a veteran who had worked for New York Magazine and Vanity Fair. He knew the game.
When Tom Ford told Richard on their first date in November 1986 that he’d be a millionaire with his own collections in Europe within ten years, Richard thought, "Poor thing, he's so naïve."
Career Milestones that Defined an Era
- 1986: The elevator meeting that changed everything.
- 1989: Richard is diagnosed with throat cancer. This was the first major test. They didn't just survive it; it cemented their bond before they even hit the five-year mark.
- 1990: They move to Milan. This was the "make or break" move. Tom joins Gucci; Richard becomes the European editor of Mirabella.
- 1999: Buckley takes the helm as editor-in-chief of Vogue Hommes International.
- 2012: They welcome their son, Alexander John "Jack" Buckley Ford.
- 2014: After 27 years together, they finally marry.
Buckley wasn't just a "plus one." He was a titan of fashion journalism. He had this uncanny ability to spot a trend three seasons before it hit a runway. People in the industry respected him—or feared him—long before Tom Ford was a household name.
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Living Through the AIDS Crisis and Cancer
You have to understand the context of the mid-80s. They were losing friends left and right to the AIDS epidemic. It was a terrifying time to be a gay man in New York. That atmosphere of loss is part of why they moved so fast. They didn't have the luxury of "playing it cool."
They moved in together after just four weeks.
Then came 1989. Richard’s cancer diagnosis was supposed to be fatal. Imagine being 28 years old, your career is just starting to take off, and your partner is told he might not make it. They didn't bail. They moved to Italy, seeking a fresh start and a different pace. It was that specific move that allowed Tom Ford to reinvent Gucci. Without Buckley's illness forcing a change of scenery, we might never have seen the velvet hipsters and satin shirts that defined 90s glamour.
The Dynamics of a 35-Year Partnership
The fashion world is notoriously fickle. Relationships usually last about as long as a seasonal trend. Yet, these two stayed together for 35 years. Why? Ford has always said it was about respect.
Richard was the "grown-up" in the early days. He provided the stability that allowed Tom to be the provocateur. When the critics were mean—and they were often brutal during those early Gucci years—Richard was the one Tom would go home to. In a posthumous column for Air Mail, Buckley admitted he’d sometimes be the one sobbing at the kitchen table over a bad review of Tom’s work while Tom himself stayed focused.
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They were a closed circuit.
What Most People Get Wrong About Their "Perfect" Life
From the outside, it looked like a life of black-tie galas, private jets, and immaculate tailoring. But it was often quiet. They spent decades moving between London, Paris, New York, and Santa Fe. They were obsessed with their Fox Terriers.
They were also deeply private about their son, Jack. When he was born in 2012, it marked a shift in Ford’s public persona. He went from the man who used sex to sell everything to a guy who was genuinely worried about being an "old dad" and wanted to be able to pick his kid up.
Richard Buckley’s Death and the Aftermath
Richard passed away in September 2021 at the age of 72. He died at home in Los Angeles, with Tom and Jack by his side. It wasn't a shock—he had been ill for a long time—but it was a seismic shift for Ford.
How do you function when your "home" is a person, and that person is gone?
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In the years since, Ford has sold his brand for billions and shifted his focus. You can see the influence of Buckley in everything he does now. The meticulousness, the reverence for the "old school" way of doing things, the sharp wit—that was Richard’s DNA as much as it was Tom’s.
Actionable Insights from a Legendary Duo
If you're looking for the "secret sauce" of their longevity, it isn't found in a fashion magazine. It's in how they handled the boring, hard stuff.
- Say "I love you" constantly. Ford famously said they said it every night before sleep and at the end of every phone call. No exceptions.
- Support the vision, even if it scares you. Richard thought Tom was delusional at first, but he still moved across the ocean to support him.
- Keep a private world. Despite being global celebrities, their actual home life was notoriously tight-knit. They didn't let the "brand" of Tom Ford consume the reality of their relationship.
- Resilience through health crises. They faced cancer early and stayed. Commitment isn't just for the gala nights; it's for the hospital rooms.
The story of Tom Ford and Richard Buckley serves as a reminder that even in the most superficial industry on earth, something real can actually last. It wasn't just about the clothes. It was about that thirty-second elevator ride that turned into a thirty-five-year journey.
To truly understand Tom Ford the designer, you have to understand Richard Buckley the man. He was the anchor. Without the anchor, the ship would have drifted a long time ago.
Next Steps for Readers: If you want to see the creative fruit of their early years together, watch A Single Man. While it's based on a Christopher Isherwood novel, Ford has often stated that the protagonist’s sense of loss and his aesthetic precision are deeply autobiographical reflections of his life with Richard. You can also research Richard Buckley's archives at Vogue Hommes International to see how he revolutionized menswear journalism long before the "influencer" era.