We hear the song everywhere. It’s blasted in grocery stores, looped in dental offices, and hummed by neighbors hanging tangled strings of LED lights. Tis the season to be merry. But honestly? Sometimes it feels like a chore. There is this weird, heavy pressure that descends the moment the calendar hits December. We are told to be joyful, yet the reality often involves navigating traffic, overspending on plastic gadgets, and trying to ignore the fact that the sun sets at 4:00 PM.
It’s a paradox.
The phrase itself comes from "Deck the Halls," a Welsh melody dating back to the 16th century. Back then, "merry" meant something a bit different than the high-octane, Instagram-filtered happiness we chase today. It was about communal survival and warmth against a literal, freezing darkness. Now, we’ve commercialized it. We’ve turned "merriness" into a metric of success. If you aren't feeling it, you're doing something wrong. Or at least, that’s what the marketing departments want you to think.
The Psychological Weight of Enforced Cheer
Psychologists have a name for the disconnect between how we should feel and how we actually feel during the holidays: the "holiday blues." It isn't just a catchy phrase. According to the American Psychological Association, the spike in stress during this period is real. People report feeling overwhelmed by the lack of time, the financial pressure, and the "commercialism" of the season.
Why does this happen?
Expectations.
We build up this "perfect" image of what tis the season to be merry looks like. We want the Hallmark movie fireplace. We want the family dinner where nobody brings up politics. When reality hits—the turkey is dry, your uncle starts an argument about taxes, and you’re exhausted—the gap between the expectation and the reality creates a profound sense of sadness. This is "affective forecasting" at its worst. We are terrible at predicting what will actually make us happy, so we aim for the tropes instead of the truth.
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History Doesn't Care About Your Aesthetic
If you look back at the origins of winter festivals, they weren't about "perfect" lives. They were rowdy. They were messy. Saturnalia in ancient Rome was a week of lawlessness and social role reversals. Masters served their slaves. People gambled and drank. It was a release valve for the pressures of society.
Even the Victorian era, which gave us the "traditional" Christmas we recognize today, was more focused on social reform and charity than on personal happiness. Charles Dickens didn't write A Christmas Carol just to be festive. He wrote it because he was angry about the plight of the poor in industrial London. For him, the idea that it was tis the season to be merry was inextricably linked to the idea of being generous to those who had nothing.
You can't have the "merry" part without the "meaning" part.
When we strip away the history, we’re just left with a pile of wrapping paper and a credit card bill. That’s why the season feels hollow for so many people. We are trying to buy a feeling that was originally meant to be cultivated through community and shared struggle.
The Science of Winter Wellness
Biologically, our bodies are fighting us this time of year. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) isn't just "the winter blues." It’s a clinical condition linked to a drop in serotonin and a disruption in melatonin levels due to reduced sunlight.
- Light Exposure: The Lack of Vitamin D and natural light can make "merriness" feel physically impossible.
- The Sugar Crash: We consume massive amounts of refined sugar in December. This leads to systemic inflammation and mood swings.
- Social Battery: Introverts are forced into high-stakes social environments, leading to burnout.
Dr. Norman Rosenthal, the psychiatrist who first described SAD in the 1980s, often emphasizes that we can't simply "will" ourselves into a better mood when our biology is working against us. If you’re feeling sluggish, it might not be a lack of holiday spirit. It might just be your brain reacting to the tilt of the Earth’s axis.
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Reclaiming the Real Meaning of Joy
So, how do we actually handle the pressure? How do we make tis the season to be merry something that isn't a lie?
First, stop trying to be happy. It sounds counterintuitive, but the pursuit of happiness is often what makes us miserable. Instead, aim for connection. Connection is grounded. Happiness is fleeting.
I’ve found that the best holiday moments aren't the planned ones. It’s the late-night conversation over a half-eaten plate of cookies. It’s the shared laugh when the power goes out. It’s the quiet realization that you don't actually have to do everything on your to-do list.
- Lower the bar. Seriously. If you usually send out 100 cards, send ten. Or none.
- Move your body. Exercise is one of the few things proven to rival antidepressants for mild-to-moderate mood lifts.
- Audit your traditions. Just because your family has always done something doesn't mean it’s serving you now. Traditions are tools, not cages.
- Volunteer. Getting out of your own head and into someone else's life is a cheat code for perspective.
The Loneliness Factor
We have to talk about the people for whom this season is a reminder of what’s missing. For those who have lost loved ones, the "merriness" is a giant, neon sign pointing at an empty chair.
Grief doesn't take a holiday.
If you’re in that boat, "merriness" isn't the goal. Survival is. And that’s okay. There is a quiet dignity in just making it through the day. The world tells us we need to be festive, but the world is often wrong. You are allowed to be sad in December. You are allowed to stay home. You are allowed to ignore the carols.
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Practical Steps for a Better December
If you want to actually enjoy the next few weeks, you need a strategy. You can't just wing it and hope the "magic" happens. Magic is mostly just good planning and lowered expectations.
Boundary Setting 101
Learn to say no. "I’d love to come, but I’m at my limit for the week" is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you aren't attending their third-tier office party. Protect your peace like it’s your job.
Financial Reality
The average American spends nearly $1,000 on the holidays. Much of that goes on credit cards. The "merriness" of a gift evaporates the moment the January statement arrives. Set a hard limit. If people love you, they don't want you to be in debt for a sweater they’ll probably return anyway.
Sensory Regulation
Everything in December is loud. The lights are bright. The music is repetitive. If you’re neurodivergent or just sensitive, this is a recipe for a meltdown. Create a "sensory refuge" in your home. No lights, no carols, just quiet. Spend 20 minutes there every day.
Actionable Insights for the Season
- The 20-Minute Rule: If a holiday task (decorating, baking, shopping) takes longer than 20 minutes and you aren't enjoying it, stop. Do it in chunks or delegate it.
- Sunlight Strategy: Sit by a window for at least 30 minutes in the morning. This helps reset your circadian rhythm and can mitigate the "slump."
- The "One Thing" Strategy: Pick one—and only one—event or tradition that truly makes you feel good. Focus all your energy there. Let the rest be "good enough."
- Hydrate: It’s boring advice, but alcohol and sugar dehydrate you, making you irritable. Drink a glass of water for every festive cocktail.
We don't have to perform joy. The phrase tis the season to be merry can be an invitation rather than a command. If you find a spark of genuine warmth, cherish it. If you don't, just keep the pilot light on and wait for the days to get longer again. The sun always comes back eventually. That’s the real reason for the season.