Chris Sullivan's portrayal of Toby Damon started as a literal joke. He was the "funny fat guy" in a support group, cracking wise to mask a deep-seated insecurity that most viewers instantly recognized. We loved him for it. But by the time This Is Us took its final bow, the This Is Us Toby we knew had effectively died, replaced by a CrossFit-obsessed, career-driven tech professional who felt like a stranger to his own wife.
It was jarring. It was painful. Honestly? It was one of the most realistic depictions of human growth and marital decay ever put on network television.
The show didn't just give Toby a character arc; it gave him a total reconstruction that challenged the audience’s loyalty. We’re used to seeing the "jolly" sidekick stay in his lane. When Toby decided to get healthy, move to San Francisco, and prioritize his own mental clarity over the stifling Pearson family dynamic, he became a villain to some and a hero to others.
The Fat Suit and the Early Days of Toby Damon
Let’s address the elephant in the room right away because it’s a detail that still shocks people who didn't follow the behind-the-scenes production. Chris Sullivan, the actor who played Toby, wore a fat suit for the majority of the series.
While Chrissy Metz (Kate Pearson) was living her real-world journey with weight, Sullivan was stepping into a prosthetic. This sparked a massive debate about representation. If the show was about the lived experience of obesity, why not hire an actor who didn't need to unzip his torso at the end of the day?
Despite the controversy, Sullivan’s performance was undeniably soulful. He brought a kinetic, Robin Williams-esque energy to the screen that balanced Kate’s more somber, self-doubting nature. Early on, Toby was the ultimate "supportive partner." He was the guy who would set up a "red carpet" for Kate or cheer her on through every setback. But looking back, that version of Toby was also deeply codependent. He used humor as a shield and Kate as an anchor.
Why the Weight Loss Changed Everything
The shift started after Toby’s heart attack.
In television, a health scare usually leads to a brief "revelation" followed by a return to the status quo. Not here. Toby started hitting the gym. He started counting macros. He lost the weight—not just the prosthetic weight, but the emotional weight of being the guy who always takes the back seat.
This is where the This Is Us Toby narrative gets messy. As he got healthier, his marriage to Kate started to crumble. It’s a phenomenon real-world therapists see all the time: when one partner makes a massive lifestyle change, the "contract" of the relationship is rewritten.
Kate felt left behind. Toby felt like he couldn't share his victories without making her feel bad. He was literally shrinking while his presence in the room felt more abrasive to her. The show didn't shy away from the toxicity of his secret workouts. He was lying to her about the gym because he was afraid of her judgment. That’s not a "perfect" TV husband. That’s a man drowning in a marriage that was built on two people being unhappy together.
The San Francisco Rift: Career vs. Family
If the gym was the first crack, San Francisco was the earthquake.
When Toby took the job in the Bay Area, the show forced us to look at a difficult truth: Toby actually liked his life away from the Pearsons. For years, he had been an honorary member of the "Big Three" orbit, which—let’s be real—is an exhausting place to be. In San Francisco, he was "Big City Toby." He was respected. He was successful. He was an individual.
The "Old Toby" would have sacrificed everything to make Kate happy. The "New Toby" realized that sacrificing himself was making him a miserable father and a resentful husband.
The scenes in the San Francisco apartment are some of the most uncomfortable hours of television ever produced. You have two people who clearly love each other but no longer like the version of the person standing in front of them. Toby wanted Kate to move to his new world; Kate wanted Toby to return to their old one. Neither was wrong, which is what made it so devastating.
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The Realism of the "Little Baby Jack" Era
We have to talk about how Toby handled Jack’s blindness.
It wasn't pretty. Toby struggled. He pulled away. He was scared of his son’s disability in a way that made many viewers angry. But Dan Fogelman and the writing team were tapping into a very specific, raw paternal fear. Toby didn't know how to "fix" it, and because he couldn't fix it, he didn't know how to face it.
His arc from being a terrified, distant father to being the man we see in the flash-forwards—the one who helps Jack Jr. thrive—is a long, slow burn. It wasn't an overnight fix. It took years of therapy, a divorce, and a complete ego death.
The Divorce: Breaking the "Greatest Love Story" Myth
For seasons, fans were told the Pearsons were the gold standard for love. Jack and Rebecca. Randall and Beth. We wanted Kate and Toby to fit that mold.
When they didn't, it felt like a betrayal. But This Is Us Toby served a higher purpose in the narrative: he proved that divorce isn't always a failure. Sometimes, it’s a rescue mission.
The episode "Katoby" (Season 6, Episode 11) is a masterclass in the slow erosion of a relationship. We see the highlights and the lowlights of their final years. The "Big Green Egg" smoker incident—where little Jack got burned—was the final straw, but the hay was already on the floor.
The brilliance of Toby’s ending isn't that he stayed with Kate. It’s that he found a way to be happy without her, which eventually allowed them to be friends. He met Parvathi. He found his own rhythm. He stayed a present, loving father to Jack and Hailey.
Toby’s Relationship with the Pearson Brothers
One of the most underrated parts of Toby’s journey was his dynamic with Kevin and Randall.
Toby was often the only one willing to call out the Pearsons on their "super-alignment." He famously called them "The Borg." He pointed out the weird, insular, and sometimes exclusionary nature of their sibling bond.
Think back to the "Trial" of Randall Pearson or the various family blowouts at the cabin. Toby was the audience surrogate. He was us. He was the outsider trying to navigate a family that communicated in speeches and grand gestures. When he finally stepped away from that, he wasn't just leaving Kate; he was resigning from the Pearson cult.
The Flash-Forward: A Different Kind of Happy Ending
In the final episodes, we see Toby in the future. He’s older, he’s still funny, but there’s a quietness to him that wasn't there in Season 1.
He didn't end up alone. He didn't end up bitter. He ended up as a man who survived a very public, very painful transformation. He proved that you can lose the weight, lose the wife, and still find your soul.
The show’s creator, Dan Fogelman, once mentioned in an interview with Deadline that the plan was always to show the complexity of these relationships. They didn't want a "happily ever after" for everyone because that’s not how life works. Toby’s ending was arguably more "happy" than most because it was earned through genuine, agonizing work.
What Most People Get Wrong About Toby
A lot of fans still view Toby as the guy who "changed for the worse." They miss the "Funny Toby."
But "Funny Toby" was a man who was literally eating himself to death and hiding behind a mask of sarcasm. The Toby we ended with was a man who could sit in a room, be still, and be honest about his feelings.
He wasn't a villain for wanting a career. He wasn't a villain for being unhappy in a marriage that had become a cycle of resentment. If anything, Toby Damon is the most "human" character in the entire series because he was allowed to be flawed without the "Pearson Magic" to bail him out.
How to Re-evaluate Toby’s Legacy
If you’re planning a rewatch of This Is Us, try to watch Toby’s scenes through a different lens. Instead of seeing him as Kate’s support system, see him as a man undergoing a mid-life identity crisis in real-time.
Next Steps for Your Rewatch:
- Watch for the "Mask": In Season 1, pay attention to every time Toby makes a joke after a moment of vulnerability. It’s a defense mechanism, not just a personality trait.
- The San Francisco Episodes: Look at Toby’s body language when he’s at work versus when he’s at home in LA. He stands taller in SF. He breathes easier.
- The Final Conversation: Pay close attention to the phone call Toby makes to Kate on her wedding day to Phillip. It’s the moment he finally lets go of the "what ifs" and accepts their new reality.
Toby Damon didn't fail. He just changed. And in the world of This Is Us, change is the only thing that’s actually guaranteed. He remains a polarizing figure because he represents the parts of ourselves we’re most afraid of: the part that wants to leave, the part that wants to be better, and the part that realizes our first "great love" might not be our last.