Silence can be comfortable. It really can. But there’s a specific kind of silence that feels heavy, like you're both sitting on a couch staring at your phones because you’ve already exhausted the "how was your day" script. Honestly, it happens to the best of us. You love him, but you’ve reached the end of the surface-level updates. If you're looking for things to talk with your boyfriend about, you aren't looking for a list of "favorite colors." You’re looking for a way to actually see him again.
Relationships often stall not because the love is gone, but because the curiosity is. We start assuming we know what the other person thinks. That's a trap. People change. Your boyfriend today isn't exactly the same guy he was two years ago, and he definitely won't be the same guy in five. If you want to keep the connection alive, you have to dig into the weird, the uncomfortable, and the deeply hypothetical.
Why We Run Out of Things to Say
It’s called "closeness-communication bias." Researchers, including those in studies published by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, have found that the longer we are with someone, the less we actually listen to them. We think we know what they’re going to say, so our brains basically tune out the nuances. It’s efficient for the brain, but it’s a death sentence for intimacy.
When you look for things to talk with your boyfriend about, you’re basically trying to bypass that mental shortcut. You’re forcing your brain to realize, "Oh, wait, I actually don’t know his stance on how he'd handle a lottery win or what his biggest regret from middle school is."
The "Small Talk" Trap
We spend 90% of our lives in the logistics of existence.
- "Did you pay the electric bill?"
- "What do you want for dinner?"
- "Did you see what your mom posted on Facebook?"
This is necessary. It’s also boring. To break it, you have to pivot. Stop asking "how" things were and start asking "why" or "what if."
Digging Into the Past (Without It Being an Interrogation)
The past is a goldmine. Most people think they know their partner’s history, but they usually only know the highlights—the "Greatest Hits" album. You want the B-sides.
Ask him about his "sliding door" moments. These are the tiny, seemingly insignificant choices that changed his entire life path. Maybe it was a random elective he took in college or a job he almost didn't apply for. What would his life look like right now if he’d picked the other door? This isn't just a trip down memory lane; it tells you about his values and his regrets.
- The Childhood Hero: Who was the first adult he actually admired? Not a celebrity, but someone in his real life. Why?
- The "Failure" Story: What’s a time he failed miserably, and how does he feel about it now? Does he laugh, or is there still a bit of a sting?
- The Lost Passion: Is there something he used to love—like playing the saxophone or drawing—that he just... stopped doing?
Talking about these things reveals the layers of identity that the daily grind tends to bury. It’s not about being a therapist. It’s about being a historian of the person you love.
Navigating the Future and "The Big Stuff"
If you've been together a while, the future can feel scary to talk about. It feels high-stakes. But things to talk with your boyfriend about regarding the future don't always have to be about marriage or kids (though those are obviously huge).
Try talking about "lifestyle design." If money weren't an issue, what would a Tuesday look like for him? Not a vacation day, but a regular Tuesday. Does he want to wake up in a city? Near the woods? Does he want a house full of people or a quiet sanctuary?
- Financial Philosophies: Don't just talk about savings accounts. Ask what "being rich" actually means to him. Is it a number in the bank, or is it the ability to never look at a price tag on a menu?
- Legacy: What does he want people to say about him at his 80th birthday party? This gets to the core of his character goals.
- The "Bucket List" Reality Check: We all say we want to travel. But specifically, where? And why that place? If he says Japan, is it for the food, the history, or the tech?
The "Weird" Stuff: Hypotheticals and Ethics
Sometimes the best conversations are the ones that don't matter at all. Or the ones that matter a lot but are framed as a game. These are the ultimate things to talk with your boyfriend about when you’re on a long car ride or waiting for food at a restaurant.
Moral Dilemmas
Psychology experts often use "trolley problems" to understand moral frameworks, but you can make it more personal. "If you found a wallet with $500 and an ID, but you knew the person was a jerk, what would you do?" It sounds silly, but his answer tells you a lot about his internal compass.
The "Perfect Day" Exercise
This is a classic from Dr. Arthur Aron’s "36 Questions to Fall in Love." Describe your perfect day in excruciating detail. What do you eat? What’s the weather? Who do you talk to? Comparing your perfect days can show you where your lives align and where you might need to give each other space to pursue different joys.
Pop Culture and Values
Don't just watch a movie and say "that was good." Ask him which character he identified with most. If he liked the villain, why? Does he see a bit of himself in the character's ambition or their isolation? This turns a passive activity (watching TV) into an active bonding moment.
Things to Talk with Your Boyfriend About Regarding Your Relationship
This is the "maintenance" category. It’s the most important H2 in this whole article, honestly. Couples who don't talk about their relationship within the relationship usually end up talking about it with a lawyer or a therapist later on.
Checking the Temperature
You don't need a formal "state of the union" meeting. Just ask: "What’s one thing I’ve done lately that made you feel really appreciated?" Or, "Is there something we used to do when we first started dating that you miss?"
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The Conflict Style
Talk about how you fight when you aren't fighting.
"Hey, I noticed when we disagree, you tend to shut down. Is that because you need space to process, or are you just frustrated?" Understanding the mechanics of your arguments makes the actual arguments way less destructive.
Love Languages (Beyond the Buzzword)
The "5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman is a popular concept for a reason. But go deeper. How does he like to receive an apology? Some people need words, others need a change in behavior, and some just need a hug. Knowing his "apology language" is a game-changer for long-term stability.
Expert Insights: The Art of the Ask
Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on marriage and relationships, talks a lot about "Love Maps." This is essentially the internal map you have of your partner’s world. To keep the map updated, you have to ask open-ended questions.
Avoid "yes" or "no" questions.
Instead of "Are you happy at work?" try "What’s the most frustrating part of your commute lately?" or "If you could fire one person in your office without consequences, who would it be and why?"
The goal isn't just to gather data. It's to show that you are still an active participant in his life. You're not just a roommate or a co-parent; you're his partner.
How to Handle It If He’s Not a "Talker"
Let's be real: some guys just aren't big on deep philosophical debates at 11 PM on a Tuesday. If you bring up things to talk with your boyfriend about and he gives you one-word answers, don't panic.
- Activity-Based Talking: Some people open up better when they’re doing something with their hands. Go for a walk, wash the dishes together, or play a video game. The lack of direct eye contact can actually make it easier for some men to share vulnerable thoughts.
- The "Low Stakes" Entry: Don't start with "What is your biggest fear?" Start with "What’s the weirdest dream you’ve had lately?"
- Give Him Time: If you ask a deep question, don't jump in to fill the silence after three seconds. Let him think. Sometimes the best stuff comes after a long pause.
Practical Next Steps for Your Relationship
Conversations don't just happen; sometimes you have to engineer them. If you’re feeling the distance, try these specific actions over the next week.
- The "No Phone" Zone: Set aside 20 minutes tonight—just 20—where phones are in another room. No TV. Just sit and talk. You’ll be surprised how quickly the conversation moves past the mundane when there’s no digital escape.
- Use Prompts: There’s no shame in using conversation cards or apps. It takes the pressure off you to be the "interrogator" and makes it feel like a game you’re playing together.
- Follow Up: If he mentioned a minor work conflict three days ago, ask about it today. "Hey, did that thing with Steve ever get resolved?" It shows you were actually listening, which is the best way to encourage him to keep talking.
- Share First: Vulnerability is contagious. If you want him to open up about his insecurities, share one of yours first. Don't make it a "quid pro quo," but lead by example.
The reality is that "things to talk with your boyfriend about" isn't a static list you check off. It's a mindset. It's deciding that the person sitting across from you is still a mystery worth solving. Keep asking questions. Keep listening to the answers. That’s how you stay "us."