It happens to the best of us. You’re finally ready to relax, you’ve got the goods, but you realize your glass piece is broken, your papers are bone dry, and every shop within five miles is closed for the night. It’s a classic, frustrating scenario. You start looking around your kitchen or your junk drawer with a newfound sense of architectural curiosity. Honestly, finding things to smoke out of when you have nothing is practically a rite of passage. It’s about being resourceful.
But here is the thing: some DIY methods are legendary for a reason, while others are just plain dangerous. You don’t want to be inhaling plastic fumes or heavy metals just because you were too lazy to find a piece of fruit. Safety actually matters when you're improvising.
The classic apple pipe and why it actually works
If you have a piece of fruit, you’re basically set. The apple pipe is the undisputed king of desperate measures. It’s organic. It’s cheap. It smells kind of like a fall festival when you use it. Most importantly, it doesn’t involve burning any weird coatings or chemicals.
To make it, you just need a pen or a screwdriver. Pull the stem out of the apple. Take your pen (take the ink out first, obviously) and poke a hole straight down from the top about halfway through the core. Then, poke another hole through the side of the apple until it meets the first hole in the middle. Boom. You have a mouthpiece and a bowl. If you want a carb, poke a third hole on the other side.
The moisture in the apple keeps the smoke relatively cool. It’s a "single-use" device, which is great because you don't have to clean it—you just toss it in the compost when you're done. Some people suggest eating the apple afterward, but honestly, that’s a bit much. The interior will be covered in resin and char. Just stick to the smoking part.
Other produce that works in a pinch
- Carrots: If you have a thick carrot, you can hollow it out. It's much harder than an apple, so you might need a small drill bit or a lot of patience with a skewer.
- Potatoes: They work exactly like apples, but they don't smell as nice.
- Bell Peppers: These are already hollow, so they make for a high-volume chamber, though they can be a bit flimsy.
The gravity bong: A high-intensity fallback
The gravity bong (or "GB") is what happens when physics meets a lack of supplies. You’ve probably seen these in dorm rooms. They are incredibly efficient—maybe too efficient for some. You need a 2-liter soda bottle and a bucket or a larger container (like a gallon pitcher or even a sink) filled with water.
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Cut the bottom off the 2-liter bottle. The "bowl" is the tricky part when you have nothing. Most people find a small socket from a wrench set. You poke a hole in the bottle cap, shove the socket in there, and you’re good to go. Important note here: Do not use plastic caps or PVC pipes as the bowl itself. The heat will melt the plastic, and inhaling that is a one-way ticket to a very bad time. If you use a metal socket, make sure it isn't galvanized or coated in something toxic. Stainless steel is your friend.
You pack the bowl, submerge the bottle in the water (keep the cap off while doing this so air can escape), then light the herb as you slowly pull the bottle upward. The vacuum created by the descending water level pulls the smoke into the bottle. Once it’s milky white, unscrew the cap, put your mouth over the top, and push the bottle back down into the water. The water forces the smoke into your lungs. It’s intense. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Why you should probably skip the soda can
We’ve all seen it in movies—someone denting a soda can, poking holes in it, and lighting up. While it’s one of the most common things to smoke out of when you have nothing, it is actually one of the worst things you can do for your health.
Soda cans are lined with a thin plastic film on the inside to keep the acid in the soda from eating through the aluminum. When you apply a flame to that can, you aren't just heating the metal; you are vaporizing that plastic liner. On top of that, the paint and ink on the outside of the can release fumes when heated. It’s incredibly harsh on the throat and potentially toxic over time. If you are absolutely stuck, look for a piece of fruit before you reach for the Coke can. Your lungs will thank you.
Using a Bible or a phone book: The paper problem
If you have herb but no papers, you might think about the paper drawer. A lot of people suggest using pages from a Bible because the paper is very thin. Honestly, it’s not the best experience. Most modern paper is treated with bleach, dyes, and "sizing" agents to make it easier to print on.
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If you go this route, look for the blank pages at the very back of a book. They won't have ink on them. Ink is full of chemicals you don't want to burn. Even better? Look for corn husks if you happen to have them in the pantry for tamales. Corn husks are actually a traditional way to roll in many cultures and provide a much cleaner taste than a page from a dictionary.
The hot knives method (The old school way)
This is a vintage move. If you have a stove and two butter knives, you have a rig. You heat the tips of the knives on the burner until they are glowing red or very hot. You drop a small bit of herb onto one knife and press the other one on top of it.
The smoke rises immediately. To catch it, people usually cut a plastic bottle in half and use the top part as a funnel to inhale. Be careful—it’s easy to burn yourself or the counter. It’s a bit "crack-ish" in its aesthetic, but it’s effective when the bowls are empty and the papers are gone.
What about the "Steamroller" toilet paper roll?
This is a classic DIY build. You take an empty toilet paper roll or paper towel roll. You cut a hole about two inches from one end. You fit a bowl into that hole. You can use a metal screen or, if you're really desperate, a small piece of aluminum foil (though again, foil isn't ideal due to the coatings).
You cover the far end of the tube with your hand (the carb), light the bowl, and inhale through the other end. When the tube is full of smoke, you release your hand. It’s basically a dry pipe with a huge chamber. It’s harsh, dry, and tastes like cardboard, but it works.
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Metal and glass alternatives around the house
Sometimes you can find "ready-made" pipes if you look at things through a different lens.
- Sockets: As mentioned with the gravity bong, a stainless steel socket from a tool kit is a perfect bowl. It’s designed to handle stress, though not necessarily heat, so make sure it’s clean of grease and oil.
- Hardware Store Brass: If you have brass plumbing fittings lying around (like a nipple and a couple of couplers), you can screw them together to make a heavy-duty pipe. Just make sure they are "lead-free" brass.
- Glass Droppers: If you have an old tincture bottle or a glass eye dropper, you can sometimes use the glass tube as a one-hitter, provided the glass is thick enough to not shatter from the heat.
Safety first: Materials to avoid at all costs
When you're searching for things to smoke out of when you have nothing, your brain might try to convince you that certain materials are fine. They aren't.
- PVC or Plastic Tubing: Never use this for a bowl or anywhere near the heat source. PVC releases hydrogen chloride gas when heated.
- Aluminum Foil: There is a long-standing debate about foil and Alzheimer's, which hasn't been definitively proven in this context, but foil is often coated in oils and can burn through easily. If you use it once, you'll probably be fine, but don't make it a habit.
- Treated Wood: Don't carve a pipe out of a piece of scrap wood from a construction site. That wood is often treated with arsenic or other preservatives to prevent rot.
- Copper: Heating copper can lead to "metal fume fever." Avoid it.
Making the most of a bad situation
If you're stuck without a piece, the best thing to do is slow down. Don't just grab the first piece of trash you see. Look for the most "natural" option. An apple or a carrot is always going to be superior to a plastic pen tube or a soda can.
If you find yourself in this situation often, it might be time to invest in a "stealth" piece—like a small metal one-hitter that fits in your wallet or a keychain pipe.
Actionable Next Steps
- Check the pantry: Look for a dense fruit or vegetable first. It’s the safest DIY method.
- Sanitize your tools: If you use a metal socket or a hardware fitting, boil it in water for 10 minutes first to remove any industrial machine oils.
- Avoid the "Can": If a soda can is your only option, seriously consider just waiting until tomorrow. It's not worth the chemical inhalation.
- Build a kit: Keep a pack of rolling papers in your car's glove box or hidden in a book so you never have to resort to a potato again.
Finding things to smoke out of when you have nothing is about creativity, but don't let your desperation override your common sense. Stick to the organic stuff when possible and stay away from anything that looks like it was manufactured in a chemical plant.