If you’ve ever found yourself staring at an invite to something cool and feeling a weird pit in your stomach, you’re basically Shonda Rhimes circa 2013.
Before the book, before the viral speeches, and before the "badassery," she was a world-class avoider. Think about it. This is the woman who owned Thursday night television. She gave us Meredith Grey and Olivia Pope. But behind the scenes? She was a self-described introvert who used her "busy" schedule as a shield to hide from anything that felt remotely like a spotlight.
The year of yes shonda rhimes didn't start because of some corporate goal-setting retreat. It started because her sister, Delorse, muttered six words over a Thanksgiving turkey that cut through all the prestige: "You never say yes to anything."
Ouch.
What the Year of Yes Shonda Rhimes Actually Was (And Wasn't)
Most people think this was some "Yes Man" style experiment where she had to say yes to every random person on the street or buy every infomercial product. It wasn't that at all. Honestly, that would be exhausting and probably dangerous.
For Shonda, the "yes" was targeted. It was a surgical strike against the fears that were making her life feel small despite her empire being huge. She decided that for one year—2014, specifically—she would say yes to everything that scared her.
Public speaking? Yes.
Live TV interviews? Yes.
Playing with her kids even when she was exhausted? Yes.
Accepting a compliment without making a self-deprecating joke? A very difficult yes.
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The Dartmouth Turning Point
The first real test was the commencement speech at her alma mater, Dartmouth. If you haven’t watched it, you should. It’s famous now, but at the time, she was terrified. She describes herself as a "walking panic attack."
But she did it. And she didn't just give a speech; she dropped a truth bomb that people still quote today: "Ditch the dream and be a doer." She argued that dreams are lovely, but they’re "fleeting, ephemeral, pretty." Doing is what actually changes the world.
That speech was the moment the world saw the real Shonda, not just the name in the credits. It was her standing in the sun.
The "No" in the Yes
Here is the part people usually get wrong. You can't say "yes" to everything forever without eventually saying "no" to the garbage.
As the year progressed, Shonda realized that saying yes to her own happiness meant saying no to people who drained her. She had to cull her "friend" list. She had to say no to a marriage proposal because, frankly, she realized she didn't actually want to be married.
That’s a huge distinction. The year of yes shonda rhimes was actually about boundaries. It was about saying yes to herself, which meant she finally had the backbone to say no to everyone else’s expectations.
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Breaking the "Lucky" Myth
One of the most visceral parts of her journey was her refusal to be called "lucky." We do this to successful women all the time. We say, "Oh, she's so lucky she got that show."
Shonda hates that.
"I am not lucky," she wrote. "You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way and I work really, really hard."
The Year of Yes was about owning that power. It was about stopping the habit of shrinking so other people feel comfortable.
The Working Mom Paradox
Rhimes also got incredibly real about the "doing it all" lie. She admitted that if she’s killing it at a glamorous awards show, she’s missing her kids’ bedtime. If she’s at home being a great mom, she’s probably missing an important meeting.
She called it "the mommy war" and basically surrendered to the fact that you can't be in two places at once. By saying yes to being honest about the struggle, she gave a lot of other women permission to stop feeling guilty for being human.
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How It Changed Her (And Can Kinda Change You)
By the end of the year, she had lost over 100 pounds. Not because she "hated" her body, but because she finally said yes to her health. She started "dancing it out" in real life, not just in the Grey’s Anatomy writers' room.
The most lasting impact, though, was her confidence. She transitioned from a writer hiding in a dark room to a public-facing powerhouse who launched Shondaland as a massive brand.
Actionable Next Steps
If you want to pull a "Shonda" in your own life, you don't need a 400-page book or a Netflix deal. You just need to look at your "No" list.
- Identify your "Fear No": What are you turning down just because you're scared of looking stupid? Say yes to one of those this week.
- The 15-Minute Rule: Shonda committed to saying yes whenever her kids asked her to play. She found that 15 minutes of focused attention was better than an hour of distracted hovering. Try it with someone you love.
- Accept the Compliment: Next time someone says you did a great job, just say "Thank you." No "Oh, it was nothing," or "I had a lot of help." Just "Thank you."
- Audit Your "Yes": Are you saying yes to things you hate just to be "nice"? Stop. Say no to the energy vampires so you have room to say yes to the things that actually make you feel alive.
The year of yes shonda rhimes wasn't about becoming a different person. It was about Shonda finally becoming the person she already was. It’s about taking up space in the universe and realizing that the world doesn't end if you're not perfect.
Go do something that makes your heart beat a little too fast. That’s usually where the good stuff is.