Time is weird. We’ve all felt that strange sensation where January feels like it lasts for three actual years, but then suddenly it’s October and you’re wondering where the summer went. Most of us just accept the calendar as this fixed, objective truth. It’s not. The way we organize all the months of the year is actually a messy, beautiful disaster of Roman politics, lunar cycles, and ego-driven adjustments that barely make sense when you look at them closely.
Honestly, it's a miracle we ever show up to appointments on time.
If you’ve ever wondered why the ninth month (September) is named after the Latin word for seven, you’re already touching on the chaos. Our current Gregorian system is basically a patched-up version of a patched-up version. It’s like a software update that was forced through two thousand years ago and we just stopped clicking "remind me later."
The Winter Gap and the Birth of January
Long ago, the Romans didn't even bother naming the winter. Their original calendar only had ten months. They basically looked at the dead of winter and decided it wasn't worth counting because nothing was growing and no one was fighting wars. It was just "dead time."
Eventually, Numa Pompilius, the second king of Rome, realized this was a logistical nightmare. He added January and February to the end of the year to fill the 61-day gap. January is named after Janus, the god of beginnings and endings. He’s the guy with two faces—one looking back at the past, one looking forward to the future. It’s fitting. We do the same thing every year, obsessing over resolutions while nursing a hangover from the previous 12 months.
February was always the "cleanup" month. It comes from februum, meaning purification. It was a time for rituals to wash away the sins of the previous year before the "real" year started in March. This is why February is so short. It got the leftovers. Even today, February feels like the awkward middle child of all the months of the year, sitting there with its 28 days while everyone else gets 30 or 31.
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Why the Numbers Don't Match the Names
This is the part that drives people with OCD crazy.
- September means seven (septem).
- October means eight (octo).
- November means nine (novem).
- December means ten (decem).
But they are the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months. Why? Because the year used to start in March. When January and February were moved from the end of the year to the beginning, it bumped everything down by two spots. No one bothered to rename them. We just kept calling the tenth month "Eight" and moved on with our lives. It’s a linguistic fossil that proves humans are generally too lazy to change things once they're established.
March was named after Mars, the god of war. It makes sense. That’s when the snow melted and the Roman legions could finally head back out to conquer people. April is a bit more mysterious. Some think it comes from aperire, which means "to open," like buds opening in spring. Others think it’s a nod to Aphrodite. Either way, it’s the month where things start to feel alive again, even if the weather can't decide if it's winter or summer.
The Ego of Emperors: July and August
We can thank Julius Caesar and Augustus for the middle of our summer. Before they got involved, July was called Quintilis (the fifth month) and August was Sextilis (the sixth month).
Julius Caesar revamped the whole system into the Julian calendar. He was pretty proud of it, so he took Quintilis and renamed it July. Later, his successor Augustus didn't want to be left out, so he took Sextilis and turned it into August.
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There’s a popular myth that Augustus stole a day from February to make August as long as July because he didn't want his month to be "inferior." Most historians, like C.P. Jones or researchers at the Royal Observatory, will tell you that’s probably not true. The lengths of all the months of the year were likely already set to balance the lunar and solar cycles by the time Augustus showed up. Still, it’s a great story about how much a powerful ego can influence the very fabric of time.
May, June, and the Mid-Year Shift
May is likely named after Maia, a Greek goddess of the earth. She represents growth. It’s that sweet spot in the year where the humidity hasn't quite killed your soul yet. Then comes June, named after Juno, the goddess of marriage and wellbeing. It’s probably why June weddings became such a "thing"—people have been chasing that divine blessing for millennia.
But then we hit the "ber" months.
These months are the home of the harvest. Historically, this was the most important time of the year for survival. If you didn't get September and October right, you didn't eat in January. Today, we mostly just use them as an excuse to buy pumpkin-flavored everything and prepare for the holiday gauntlet.
The Great 10-Day Disappearance
In 1582, the calendar was so broken that the seasons were drifting. The Julian calendar was about 11 minutes too long per year. By the 1500s, the calendar was 10 days out of sync with the actual solar year. Easter was drifting further and further away from the spring equinox.
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Pope Gregory XIII stepped in. He introduced the Gregorian calendar, which we still use today. To fix the drift, he literally deleted ten days from history. People went to sleep on October 4, 1582, and woke up on October 15.
Can you imagine the chaos? People thought their lives were being shortened. Landlords and tenants fought over rent. It took centuries for the whole world to get on board. England and its colonies didn't switch until 1752. By then, they had to skip 11 days. Russia didn't switch until 1918. This is why the "October Revolution" actually happened in November according to the rest of the world.
Making Sense of the 12-Month Cycle
When you look at all the months of the year, you’re looking at a map of human history.
It’s not just about tracking the sun. It’s about how we’ve tried to impose order on a chaotic universe. We have months named after gods, months named after politicians, and months named after numbers that are factually incorrect. It’s a mess, but it’s our mess.
If you want to actually use this information to better manage your time or just win a trivia night, here are the real-world takeaways:
- Audit your seasonal planning: Now that you know February was meant for "purification," use it for your deep cleaning or life-admin tasks. It’s the shortest month for a reason—get the grunt work over with quickly.
- Understand the "ber" lag: The psychological shift in September isn't just back-to-school vibes. It's a deep-seated harvest instinct. Use that burst of "autumn energy" for your biggest projects of the year.
- Respect the solstice: The months are ultimately slaves to the sun. If you feel sluggish in December, it’s not just the holidays; it’s your biology reacting to the same cycles the Romans were trying to track with their flawed calendars.
- Check your history: When researching old family records or historical events, always check if they were using the Julian or Gregorian calendar. A ten-day gap can completely ruin your genealogical research or historical timeline.
Time is a construct, sure. But it's a construct with a lot of baggage. Understanding the weirdness of all the months of the year helps you realize that the pressure we feel to "stay on schedule" is relative. We’ve been changing the schedule for thousands of years.