You finally did it. You sat through the credits of Grand Theft Auto V, watching the names of thousands of developers scroll by while some moody Tangerine Dream or Oh No track played in the background. Then, suddenly, a grainy, official-looking document pops up on the screen. It’s the GTA 5 psychiatric report, authored by the perpetually bored and expensive Dr. Isiah Friedlander.
Most people just skim it. They see a few "favorable" or "unfavorable" remarks and turn off the console. But honestly? That piece of paper is the game’s final judgment on your soul as a player. It isn't random. It’s a complex piece of coding that tracks your literal behavior over dozens of hours of gameplay.
If you spent your time running over pedestrians for no reason or buying every strip club in Los Santos, Friedlander noticed. He's been watching.
The Man Behind the Desk: Who is Dr. Friedlander?
Dr. Isiah Friedlander is basically the embodiment of everything wrong with Los Santos. He's a celebrity therapist who charges Michael De Santa astronomical fees just to check his watch and offer platitudes. You meet him early in the game, and if you choose, you can keep visiting him.
These sessions are more than just flavor text.
They set the stage for the final evaluation. The game uses these interactions—and your choices outside the office—to compile a psychological profile. It’s a meta-commentary on the "open world" genre. Rockstar isn't just giving you a playground; they’re giving you a Rorschach test.
How the GTA 5 Psychiatric Report Actually Works
The report is divided into several specific categories. It covers your attitude toward money, your propensity for violence, your relationship with your family, and even your "extra-curricular" activities like yoga or visiting... less reputable establishments.
Each section has different "flavors" based on your stats.
For example, the "Violence" section. If you only killed people during missions, the report might say you’re "focused" or "restrained." But if you went on five-star rampages every Tuesday? Friedlander calls you out for being a "terrifying" or "randomly violent" individual. It’s a bit chilling how accurate it gets.
The Breakdown of Categories
The game tracks roughly 15 different variables to generate this report. Let's get into the weeds of what it's actually looking at when it judges you.
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1. Mission Success and Pace
Did you rush through the story, or did you take your time? If you finished the main campaign in a weekend, the report notes your "impatience." If you spent 100 hours hunting for spaceship parts, it comments on your "obsessive" tendencies.
2. Financial Habits
Money is a huge part of the GTA 5 psychiatric report. If you finished with millions in the bank thanks to the Lester assassination missions and the stock market, you're seen as "fiscally shrewd." If you’re broke because you spent it all on car modifications and hospital bills? Friedlander basically calls you a loser. He’s mean like that.
3. Treatment of Family
This specifically targets Michael. Did you hang out with Jimmy? Did you take Amanda out for a drink? Or did you just ignore them the moment the "Family Reunion" mission ended? The report will explicitly state if you are a "family man" or if you have "no interest in your kin."
4. Sexual Habits and Strip Clubs
Yeah, the game tracks this too. If you spent a lot of time in Vanilla Unicorn, the report gets awkward. It will mention your "unusual interest" in the adult industry. Conversely, if you never stepped foot in there, it might note that you are "curiously repressed" or simply "not interested."
5. Random Acts of Kindness (or Cruelty)
Those little blue dots on the map? The Strangers and Freaks? They matter. If you helped the woman get her purse back, you’re "occasionally helpful." If you ignored every person in need, the report reflects a "total lack of empathy."
The "Fixed" Elements vs. The Dynamic Ones
The report feels unique, but it’s actually a "Mad Libs" style document. There are pre-written phrases for each category. Based on your stats, the game picks one of three or four options for each line.
There are thousands of possible combinations.
That’s why your friend’s report looks different from yours. One of you might be a "fitness-obsessed psychopath," while the other is a "lazy, greedy family man." It’s basically the game's way of saying, "I know what you did last summer."
The "A-Hole" Factor
Let's be real. Most GTA players end up with a report that makes them look like a total menace to society. Why? Because the game rewards chaos.
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If you drive on the sidewalk, that’s a "disregard for traffic laws." If you use the "skip" feature on taxis, that shows "impatience." If you kill the shopkeeper after buying armor, well, Friedlander has some choice words for your "sociopathic" tendencies.
It’s almost impossible to get a "perfectly clean" report unless you play the game like a literal saint, which, let's face it, is incredibly boring in a game called Grand Theft Auto.
Common Misconceptions About the Ending Report
A lot of people think the ending you choose (Option A, B, or C) drastically changes the entire report. It doesn’t.
While the choice between "Something Sensible," "The Time's Come," or "The Third Way" does get a mention, the meat of the GTA 5 psychiatric report is based on your behavior across the entire playthrough. You can’t kill Trevor and suddenly expect Friedlander to think you’re a nice guy if you spent the previous 40 hours blowing up city buses.
Also, some players believe the report affects your 100% completion stat. It doesn't. You can get the "Career Criminal" trophy with a report that says you’re a complete lunatic. The report is purely for "flavor" and narrative closure. It's Rockstar's way of breaking the fourth wall and talking to the player directly.
Can You Get a "Good" Report?
Define "good."
If you want a report that says you’re a balanced, healthy individual, you basically have to:
- Play lots of tennis and golf.
- Do yoga frequently.
- Avoid killing civilians at all costs.
- Spend time with Michael's family.
- Help people in the Random Encounters.
- Keep a moderate amount of money (don't be too greedy, don't be too broke).
- Avoid the strip clubs and "ladies of the night."
But here's the kicker: Dr. Friedlander is a hack. Even if you do everything right, he’ll usually find something snarky to say. He’s a satirical character, after all. He wants you to keep coming back so he can keep billing you.
The Fate of Dr. Friedlander
During the "Abandonment Issues" mission, you have a choice. After his final session with Michael, Friedlander reveals he’s leaving to start a TV show. He’s been using Michael’s trauma as "material."
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You can let him drive away, or you can chase him down.
If you kill him, the report still appears at the end of the game. It’s implied he "filed it" before his untimely (or timely, depending on your perspective) death. If you let him live, he later sends you an email in-game, and you can even see him mentioned in the GTA Online "Los Santos Drug Wars" update years later.
It turns out, the man is a survivor. A greedy, unethical survivor.
Why We Care About a Fake Psychological Profile
It’s about validation.
In most games, your actions only matter if there's a "Karma Meter" or a "Light Side/Dark Side" bar. In GTA 5, the tracking is invisible. You don't realize the game is counting how many times you changed your clothes or how much money you spent on healthcare until the very end.
The GTA 5 psychiatric report is a mirror. It shows you how you play when you think nobody is looking. Are you a completionist? A chaotic agent of destruction? A bored billionaire?
The report knows.
Actionable Steps to Analyze Your Own Report
If you’re looking at your report right now and wondering why it says you’re a "terrifyingly dull" person, here is how you can interpret the data for your next playthrough:
- Check the "Notes" section: This is where the most specific personality traits are listed. If it mentions "yoga," you spent a significant amount of time on the mini-games.
- Look at the "Cash" comments: This tells you if you were too conservative with your spending. The game wants you to engage with the economy.
- Evaluate your "Kill" feedback: If the report mentions "random" violence, it means your civilian kill count is high relative to your mission kills.
- Compare with friends: Since the report is generated from a pool of phrases, comparing yours with a friend's can reveal exactly which "thresholds" you crossed.
- Replay for a "Character" build: Try a "Michael" run where you actually try to fix his life. See if the report changes from "disaster" to "trying his best."
The report isn't just a static screen; it's the culmination of your personal journey through Los Santos. Whether you're a "predictable" player or a "total enigma," Friedlander’s final bill is the ultimate souvenir of your time in San Andreas.
To see every possible variation, you’d have to play the game dozens of different ways, but most find that their first, "natural" report is the most honest reflection of their gaming habits. Take a screenshot next time. It says more about you than you might think.