It is a topic that sits at a weird intersection of social taboo and extreme commonality. People don’t usually bring it up over Sunday brunch, but if you look at the data or just talk to guys behind closed doors, you’ll find that the act to jerk off with men—often referred to as mutual masturbation—is a deeply ingrained part of the male sexual and social experience.
It happens. A lot.
Whether it is a discovery phase during puberty, a way to bond in high-stress environments like the military, or a specific preference in adult relationships, it exists across almost every culture. Yet, our society often struggles to categorize it. Is it "gay"? Is it just "being bros"? Is it a health-conscious way to explore sexuality? The reality is way more nuanced than a simple label. Honestly, the reasons guys do it are as varied as the guys themselves.
Why Do Guys Jerk Off With Men Anyway?
The "why" is usually the first thing people ask. For some, it’s purely about the physical release. For others, there’s a heavy psychological component. In many cases, it starts as a form of "proximate exploration." Think about it. When you are young and curious, your peers are your primary point of reference.
Dr. Alfred Kinsey, a name you probably know if you’ve ever looked into human sexuality, noted decades ago in his landmark reports that male-to-male sexual contact (even if it doesn't involve intercourse) is significantly more common than most people admit. He found that roughly 37% of men had some form of homosexual experience to the point of orgasm by the time they reached adulthood. That’s a massive chunk of the population. While those stats are old, modern surveys by organizations like the Kinsey Institute and various sociological researchers suggest that while the labels have changed, the behavior remains a constant.
Sometimes it’s about competition. You've probably heard of the "circle jerk." While it’s often used as a derogatory term in politics or business now, it originated from a literal practice where men would see who could finish first (or last). It sounds crude, but it’s a form of high-stakes vulnerability. You are literally exposing your most private self to another person.
Then there is the element of safety.
In a world where dating can be a literal minefield, mutual masturbation offers a way to be intimate without the complexities of full-blown sex. No risk of pregnancy. Lower risk of STIs. Less "performance anxiety." It is basically sexual interaction with the training wheels on, which can be a huge relief for guys who feel pressured by traditional masculine roles.
The Mental Health and Bonding Perspective
We need to talk about loneliness. Men are currently facing what many psychologists call a "friendship recession." We don't touch each other. We don't share deep emotions. We are taught that physical closeness must be romantic or it’s "wrong."
When men jerk off with men, they are often breaking that touch barrier. Even if they aren't actually touching each other, the shared presence creates a level of intimacy that is hard to find elsewhere. It’s a shared secret. A shared release of dopamine and oxytocin.
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I spoke with a guy once—let’s call him Mark—who described his experiences in a frat house. He said it wasn't about being attracted to his friends. It was about the "energy in the room." It was a group activity, like playing video games, but with a physiological payoff. This "group-bonding" aspect is actually something anthropologists have looked at in various tribal cultures. Ritualized male-on-male sexual activity isn't always about identity; sometimes it’s about group cohesion.
Breaking Down the "Gay" Label
This is where things get sticky. Or complicated. Whatever.
In the West, we love boxes. We want to say, "If you do X, you are Y." But human sexuality is a spectrum. A guy can be 100% straight, have a wife and kids, and still find himself in a situation where he wants to jerk off with men. Is he repressed? Maybe. Is he just curious? Possibly. Is he just bored? That happens too.
The term "Mostly Straight" has gained traction in sociological circles recently. Research by Dr. Ritch Savin-Williams at Cornell University suggests that a significant number of young men identify as straight but acknowledge an openness to same-sex experiences. For these men, mutual masturbation is the perfect middle ground. It allows for the exploration of male energy without requiring a total overhaul of their identity.
It’s also worth noting that for men who do identify as gay or bisexual, this is often the "entry-level" act. It’s a way to vet a partner. It’s a way to feel out chemistry.
The Logistics: How It Actually Happens
It’s not like a movie. There usually isn't a scripted lead-up.
Often, it’s spontaneous. It happens after a few drinks, during a long night of gaming, or when two friends are just "hanging out" and the conversation turns to porn or sex. There is a shift in the room. A tension. And then, someone just... starts.
There are different "styles" to this:
- The Parallel Play: Two guys in the same room, maybe watching the same thing, but focusing on their own business. Minimal eye contact.
- The Interactive Session: This involves looking at each other, maybe talking, or guiding the other person.
- The Competitive Mode: As mentioned before, the "race" to the finish.
Each of these has a different psychological weight. The "Parallel" version is usually the safest for straight-identifying men because it maintains a certain level of distance. The "Interactive" version requires a lot more trust.
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Safety and Ethics in Shared Spaces
We have to be real here. Consent is the biggest factor.
Just because you are "bros" doesn't mean boundaries don't exist. The "bro code" doesn't override the need for a "hey, you cool with this?" In a lot of these stories, there’s a fear of "making it weird." And yeah, it can get weird if one person isn't into it.
If you're going to jerk off with men, you need to be on the same page. Is this a one-time thing? Are we going to talk about this tomorrow? Is this "a thing" we do now? Ignoring these questions is how friendships end up in a landfill.
From a health perspective, even though it’s "just" masturbation, fluids are still involved. If you are sharing toys or if things get a bit more "hands-on," the same rules for STIs apply. Use common sense. Wash your hands. Don't share toys without cleaning them. It sounds like basic stuff, but you’d be surprised how often it’s forgotten in the heat of the moment.
The Role of the Internet and Porn
We can't ignore the "Webcam Effect."
The internet has made it incredibly easy to jerk off with men without ever leaving your house. Sites like Omegle (RIP) or various Discord servers and specialized "JO" (jerk off) sites have created virtual circles. This has democratized the experience. You don't have to risk your real-world reputation. You can find a guy in another country, hop on a call, and share that moment.
Does this count as "cheating" if you're in a relationship? That’s a massive debate. Some partners see it as no different than watching porn. Others see the "live" aspect—the fact that there is a real human on the other side—as a betrayal. It’s a conversation that needs to happen before you find yourself in a 2:00 AM video chat.
The "JO Buddy" phenomenon is a real subculture. There are literal forums dedicated to finding men to masturbate with. For many of these men, it’s their only outlet for male-to-male intimacy. It’s a safe harbor.
What Most People Get Wrong
People think it's always about sex. It’s not.
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Sometimes it’s about power. Sometimes it’s about validation. "Am I normal?" "Is mine okay?" There is a huge amount of body dysmorphia among men. Seeing another man in that state, and having him see you, can actually be quite healing. It strips away the "alpha" mask. You can't really be a "tough guy" when you're stroking it next to another dude. It’s an equalizer.
Another misconception is that it’s a "gateway drug" to more "extreme" things. Not necessarily. For many men, this is the peak. They don't want to go further. They like the visuals, they like the shared energy, and they like the finish. That’s it.
Actionable Steps for Navigating the Experience
If you find yourself curious about this, or if it’s already something you do, here is how to handle it like an adult.
First, check your "Why." Are you doing this because you’re lonely? Because you’re bored? Because you’re actually attracted to your friend? Understanding your motivation helps you manage the aftermath. If you’re doing it because you’re attracted to your friend but he’s "straight," you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt.
Second, establish the "Vibe." If it’s happening in person, read the room. If there’s hesitation, stop. A "maybe" is a "no" in this scenario. If it’s online, be clear about your boundaries. Do you want to show your face? Do you want to talk?
Third, handle the "Post-Nut Clarity." This is the moment where things usually get awkward. The dopamine drops, and suddenly you’re just two guys in a room with messy hands. Don't overthink it. Don't make a big dramatic speech. Usually, a simple "That was cool" or just moving on to a different topic (like the game or a movie) is the best way to keep the friendship intact.
Fourth, consider your relationship status. If you have a partner, be honest with yourself about whether this crosses a line. Every relationship has different boundaries. Some people are totally fine with it; others will consider it a dealbreaker. Don't hide it and hope for the best. Secrets are what kill relationships, not the acts themselves.
Fifth, embrace the reality of your body. Men have sexual urges that don't always fit into a neat little box. It’s okay to explore. It’s okay to be curious. As long as it is consensual, safe, and doesn't hurt anyone, there is no "wrong" way to be a man.
The practice to jerk off with men is a testament to the complexity of male sexuality. It’s a mix of biology, social craving, and simple curiosity. By stripping away the shame and looking at it for what it is—a common, mostly harmless form of male interaction—we can stop making it such a "big deal" and start understanding the men who do it. Whether it's a one-time thing or a regular part of your life, the most important part is that you're comfortable in your own skin.