Let’s be real. If you’ve ever felt a bit of curiosity about what it’s like to jerk off with other guys, you’re definitely not alone. It’s one of those things that people don't always talk about over coffee, but the search data tells a different story. People are curious. They're looking for connection. And honestly? In a world where everything is increasingly digital and isolated, the appeal of a low-pressure, shared physical experience makes a lot of sense.
Some call it mutual masturbation. Others call it a circle jerk or just "hanging out." Whatever label you slap on it, the act of masturbating in the presence of others—or with a specific partner—is a foundational part of the human sexual spectrum. It isn't just a "placeholder" for "real" sex. For many, it’s the main event.
Breaking the Taboo: Why We Do It
Why does this specific activity have such a pull? It’s simple. Connection without the heavy lifting. Traditional intercourse or oral sex often comes with a massive side dish of performance anxiety. You're worried about how you look, how you smell, or if you're "doing it right." When you jerk off with other guys, that script gets flipped. You’re in control of your own pleasure, but you’re sharing the energy of the room. It’s communal. It’s primal.
Sociologists have long studied "homosocial" behaviors—ways men bond that exist outside of traditional romantic frameworks. Think of it like a locker room environment but dialed into a much more intimate frequency. According to researchers like Jane Ward, author of Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men, sexual contact between men doesn't always align with a specific sexual orientation. Sometimes, it's just about the release and the shared experience. It’s a way to explore masculinity and vulnerability at the same time.
The Psychology of Visual Stimulation
We are visual creatures. Seeing someone else enjoy themselves is a massive psychological trigger. It’s why the adult industry is a billion-dollar behemoth. But there’s a massive gap between watching a screen and being in a room where you can hear the breathing, smell the skin, and feel the tension. When you jerk off with other guys, you’re tapping into mirror neurons. Your brain is literally firing in response to their pleasure.
Safety and Consent: The Ground Rules
You can't talk about this without talking about the rules of the road. Because this often happens in group settings or with new acquaintances met through apps like Scruff, Sniffies, or Grindr, clear boundaries are everything.
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- The "No Touch" Rule: In many "jo" (jerk off) circles, the default is "look but don't touch" unless explicitly stated otherwise. This keeps the pressure low.
- Consent is Continuous: Just because someone is okay with you watching them doesn't mean they want you to talk to them or touch them.
- Health Risks: While mutual masturbation is considered "low risk" by most health organizations like the CDC, it isn't "no risk." If fluids are exchanged or shared on hands, there is a non-zero chance of STI transmission. Keep it clean. Use hand sanitizer before and after if you’re sharing space.
The Evolution of "JO" Culture
It's changed. Back in the day, if you wanted to jerk off with other guys, you had to find a sketchy basement or a specific "backroom" at a bar. Now? It’s organized. There are literally "JO Clubs" in major cities like New York, London, and Berlin that rent out clean, professional spaces for guys to meet up and just... do their thing.
These spaces often have themes. Some are "athletic" themed, some are "suit and tie," and some are just "come as you are." The professionalization of these spaces has stripped away a lot of the shame. It’s treated more like a hobby or a social club than a back-alley encounter. This shift has allowed men from all walks of life—married men, straight-identifying men, queer men, and everything in between—to find a space where they feel safe to explore.
Is it "Gay"?
This is the question that haunts the forums. Honestly, labels are becoming less useful by the day. For some men, it’s a queer expression. For others, it’s a "straight" guy having a "bro" moment. The term "Mostly Straight" has gained traction in psychological studies (like those by Dr. Ritch Savin-Williams) to describe men who are primarily attracted to women but find themselves occasionally seeking out male-male sexual experiences.
If you’re worried about what it says about your identity, you’re probably overthinking it. Sex is a behavior; identity is a story you tell about yourself. You can enjoy the behavior without needing to rewrite your whole story if you don't want to.
Finding Your Community
If you’re looking to try this out, you don't have to go in blind. The internet has made this incredibly easy, though it requires a bit of "street smarts" to stay safe and have a good time.
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- Dedicated Apps: Sniffies is currently the heavy hitter for local, spontaneous meetups.
- Private Groups: Platforms like Telegram or Discord host private invite-only groups for specific cities.
- Bathhouses and Saunas: The classic option. Most major cities still have these, and they often have designated nights for "mutual" play.
Remember that every space has its own "vibe." Some are high-energy and loud; others are quiet and almost meditative. If you go to a space and don't feel it, just leave. You don't owe anyone your time or your orgasm.
What to Expect at a Meetup
Walking into a room to jerk off with other guys for the first time is nerve-wracking. Your heart will be racing. You’ll probably feel awkward. That’s normal.
Usually, the room is dimly lit. There might be some adult content playing on screens to keep the mood going. Guys will be in various states of undress. Some will be actively engaged; others might just be sitting back and watching. The best advice? Find a spot, get comfortable, and focus on yourself. If someone catches your eye and the feeling is mutual, you might move closer. If not, just enjoy the atmosphere.
Actionable Steps for a Better Experience
If you're ready to explore this side of your sexuality, here is how to do it right.
Check your headspace. If you’re doing this out of a sense of compulsion or if it makes you feel terrible afterward (the "post-nut blues" are real), take a break. Sex should add to your life, not take away from your self-esteem.
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Prioritize hygiene. It sounds basic, but seriously. Shower beforehand. Use decent lube—silicone-based is great for longevity, but water-based is easier to clean up and safer if toys are involved.
Communicate your "Hard No's." If you don’t want to be touched, or you don't want anyone to finish near you, say it. A simple "I'm just here to watch and do my own thing" works wonders. Most guys in these circles are very respectful of boundaries because they want to keep the space safe for everyone.
Start slow. You don't have to jump into a 20-man circle. Maybe start with a "one-on-one" session with a trusted friend or a partner you met online. Build up your comfort level.
Exploring the world of mutual play is about more than just a physical release. It’s about stripping away the pretenses we carry in our daily lives and acknowledging a very basic, very human desire for proximity and shared pleasure. Whether it’s a one-time curiosity or a regular part of your social life, doing it with intention and respect makes all the difference.