You're sitting in a folding chair. The coffee is lukewarm, smells slightly burnt, and the basement air is a little too thin. Then, someone suggests it. Everyone stands up. They recite a specific set of words that have been echoed in drafty church basements and community centers since 1939. It's the third step prayer aa, and for a newcomer, it can feel incredibly intimidating. Or maybe it just feels like another ritual you're supposed to perform to get people off your back.
Honestly? It's much weirder than that.
The Third Step is the "decision" step. It isn't the finish line. It isn't even the actual act of turning your life over to something else. It's the moment you stop fighting the reality that your way of doing things—your "self-will"—has essentially driven your life into a ditch. Bill Wilson, one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, knew that simply telling an alcoholic to "be good" or "try harder" was useless. You've tried that. It didn't work.
What the Third Step Prayer AA Actually Says (and Why)
The text comes directly from page 63 of the "Big Book," formally known as Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s not meant to be a magical incantation. If you say it while secretly planning to hit the liquor store on the way home, it’s just poetry.
The prayer reads: "God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
Short. Direct. Kinda heavy.
The core of this prayer isn't actually about asking for things. Most prayers people learn as kids are "gimme" prayers. "Gimme a job." "Gimme health." "Gimme a break." This one is an "offering" prayer. It’s a formal declaration of bankruptcy. You’re telling the universe—or God, or a Higher Power, or just the collective wisdom of the group—that your management skills are officially retired.
The "Bondage of Self" Problem
What does "bondage of self" even mean? In the context of recovery, it’s the obsession with how you feel, what you want, and how you are being treated. It’s the ego. It’s that voice in your head that says everyone is looking at you, or that you deserve a drink because you had a hard day, or that you’re better than the guy sitting next to you who’s lost more than you have.
The third step prayer aa targets this specifically. By asking to be relieved of this bondage, you aren't asking to become a robot. You’re asking to stop being a slave to your own impulses. It’s a plea for mental freedom.
Is This Religious? Dealing with the "G-Word"
Let's address the elephant in the room. The word "God" is all over this prayer. For a lot of people, that’s an immediate dealbreaker. Maybe you had a bad experience with organized religion, or maybe you’re an atheist who thinks the whole idea is superstitious nonsense.
Recovery isn't theology.
In AA circles, you’ll often hear that God stands for "Good Orderly Direction" or "Group of Drunks." The point of the third step prayer aa isn't to force you into a pew. It’s to force you out of the driver's seat. If you can't get behind a traditional deity, many people use the "Great Out-of-Doors" or simply the concept of Reality. You can't argue with Reality. Reality always wins.
Surrendering to Reality is basically what the Third Step is about.
Different Strokes for Different Folks
Some people change the words. They might say "Universe" or "Spirit of the Universe." The Big Book actually suggests that the wording is optional, but the meaning is crucial. If the old-timey "Thee" and "Thou" makes you roll your eyes, translate it into modern English. The spirit of the act is the "decision" to move forward into the rest of the steps. Without this decision, Steps 4 through 12 are basically impossible to complete with any honesty.
The Practical Application: It’s a Decision, Not a Feeling
You don't have to feel like the prayer is working for it to be valid.
One of the biggest misconceptions about the third step prayer aa is that you’ll feel a bolt of lightning or a sudden "pink cloud" of happiness the moment you say it. For most people, it feels like a quiet, somewhat terrifying realization that they are finally going to try something different.
It’s like jumping out of a plane with a parachute. You don't have to feel brave to jump; you just have to jump. The parachute (the program) does the work once you’ve made the decision to leave the plane.
- Step 1: I can't.
- Step 2: Something can.
- Step 3: I think I'll let it.
That’s the simplified version. It’s a pivot. You’re turning away from the isolation of addiction and toward a collaborative way of living.
✨ Don't miss: Names of Mixed Drinks: Why We Call Them That (And Why It Matters)
Why Step Three is Often Misunderstood
People think Step Three is where you get sober. It isn't. You're already (hopefully) dry when you get here. This step is about staying that way by changing your internal architecture.
A common mistake is thinking that by saying the third step prayer aa, your problems will vanish. Look closely at the wording: "Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness..." It doesn't say "make my life easy." It says "help me overcome these things so I can show others it's possible."
It’s about utility. You’re asking to be made useful. In the AA philosophy, selfishness is the root of the problem, so the solution must be service. If you’re only trying to get sober so you can get your car back or keep your spouse from leaving, you’re still acting out of self-interest. That’s okay for a start, but the Third Step asks for something deeper.
It asks you to be a tool for a larger purpose.
The Connection to Step Four
You cannot stay in Step Three forever. If you just say the prayer and then sit on your hands, you’re going to drink again. The prayer is the door; Step Four (the inventory) is the room you walk into.
In the original AA text, the prayer is immediately followed by action. There is no "waiting period" for God to give you a sign. You say the prayer, and then you pick up a pencil and start writing down who you’re mad at and why. That’s how you actually turn your will over—by following the instructions of the program instead of your own ideas about how recovery should look.
Real-World Examples of "Turning it Over"
What does this look like when you aren't in a meeting?
Imagine you’re stuck in traffic. You’re late for work. Your heart is racing, you’re swearing at the guy in the Honda Civic, and your blood pressure is through the roof. This is self-will. You think the world should be different than it is.
Practicing the third step prayer aa in that moment means taking a breath and acknowledging you have zero control over the traffic. You "turn it over." You accept that you are where you are. You might even pray for the person in the Civic. It sounds cheesy, but it breaks the cycle of anger that usually leads a person back to a bottle.
Or consider a massive life crisis—a death in the family or a job loss. The old way was to drink to numb the pain. The Third Step way is to say, "I don't know why this is happening, and I hate it, but I’m going to walk through it without drinking and ask for guidance on how to be helpful to the people around me."
Common Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them
The most dangerous part of Step Three is the "half-measure."
✨ Don't miss: Making Out Explained: Why Most People Are Doing Way Too Much
You might say the prayer but keep a "reserve." You turn over your drinking, but you keep your shady business dealings. You turn over your career, but you keep your toxic relationships. This is what AA members call "taking the will back."
It’s a daily process.
You don't just say the third step prayer aa once and check it off a list. Most long-timers say it every single morning. They have to. The ego grows back overnight like a weed. You have to prune it every morning before it chokes out your sobriety.
- Don't overthink the theology. If you're struggling with the concept of a Higher Power, focus on the "not me" part. As long as the Higher Power isn't you, you're doing it right.
- Watch out for the "Pink Cloud." If you feel amazing after the prayer, enjoy it, but don't rely on it. Feelings change; the decision stays.
- Be specific. While the formal prayer is great, you can talk to your Higher Power in plain language. "I'm really struggling with my boss today. Please help me not be a jerk."
Actionable Steps for Moving Forward
If you’re ready to actually use the third step prayer aa as more than just a piece of literature, here is how you practically integrate it into a life of recovery.
Commit to a Daily Morning Routine
Before you check your phone, before you check your emails, say the prayer. Do it out loud if you can. There is something about the vibration of the words in the air that makes it feel more real. It sets a "baseline" for the day. You are acknowledging right out of the gate that you aren't the boss of the universe.
Use a "Pause" Trigger
Whenever you feel that specific tightening in your chest—anger, fear, or resentment—stop. Use the first line of the prayer: "God, I offer myself to Thee." It’s a circuit breaker. It interrupts the automated response of your addiction and gives you a second of space to choose a different path.
Discuss it with a Sponsor
Don't do this in a vacuum. The Big Book actually suggests doing the Third Step with another person present. Why? Because addicts are masters of self-deception. Telling another human being that you are making this decision adds a layer of accountability that you just can't get by talking to yourself in the mirror.
Move Directly to Step Four
The moment you finish the prayer, or at least within the same 24-hour period, start your inventory. The "decision" in Step Three is only real if it’s followed by action. If you say you’ve turned your life over but won't look at your past mistakes, you haven't actually turned anything over. You're just talking.
The third step prayer aa is a tool for liberation. It’s the moment you stop trying to hold back the ocean with a plastic bucket and finally decide to learn how to swim. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being willing. And for most of us, willingness is the only thing that ever actually worked.