Ever feel like something is just... off? Not like you’ve got the flu or you’re stressed about a deadline, but a deeper, nagging sense that you aren’t quite who you’re supposed to be? Søren Kierkegaard, the 19th-century Danish philosopher with the famously messy hair and even messier personal life, had a name for that. He called it The Sickness Unto Death.
It sounds metal. It sounds bleak. Honestly, it’s both.
Writing under the pseudonym Anti-Climacus in 1849, Kierkegaard dropped a psychological bomb on the world. He wasn’t interested in "happiness" as we talk about it today—bubble baths and positive affirmations. He wanted to figure out why humans are the only creatures that can literally lose their own souls while still being alive. He basically argued that almost everyone is in despair, even the people who think they’re perfectly fine. Maybe especially them.
What is the Sickness Unto Death?
Let’s clear one thing up. This isn't about dying. If you’re physically sick, the "sickness unto death" usually means the one that actually kills you. But Kierkegaard is playing a different game. For him, the "sickness" is despair, and it’s "unto death" because it’s a misery you can’t escape by dying.
Imagine wanting to die just to make the pain stop, but you can’t. Your "self" is eternal, so the sickness just keeps eating at you. It’s a "living death."
Kierkegaard defines the human self as a weird, vibrating tension. We aren't just one thing. We are a synthesis of opposites:
- The Finite (your body, your bank account, your boring Tuesday) vs. The Infinite (your imagination, your dreams, the part of you that transcends time).
- The Temporal (the right now) vs. The Eternal.
- Necessity (the facts of your life you can't change) vs. Possibility (what you could become).
When these things get out of whack, you get despair. If you spend all your time dreaming (too much infinite) but never pay your rent, you’re in despair. If you’re a total robot who only cares about facts and figures (too much finite) and has no imagination, you’re also in despair. You’ve lost the balance. You’ve lost your self.
The Three Flavors of Despair
Kierkegaard doesn't think despair is just one "vibe." He breaks it down into stages, almost like levels of a video game, except the prize at the end is spiritual sanity.
1. The Despair of Being Unconscious of Having a Self
This is the most common one. Honestly, it’s most people. This is the guy who is "crushing it" in his career, has the nice car, the 2.5 kids, and is generally "happy." But he has no idea he’s a spiritual being. He’s just a copy of a copy. He does what society tells him to do.
Kierkegaard says this person is like a man who lives in the basement of his own massive, beautiful mansion. He doesn't even know the upper floors exist. He’s happy in the basement because it’s warm and there’s snacks, but he’s actually in the deepest despair because he’s totally disconnected from his true potential.
2. Not Willing to Be Oneself (The Despair of Weakness)
This is when you know you’re in trouble. You realize you have a self, but you hate it. Or you’re overwhelmed by it. You’d rather be anyone else. You despair over something external—like losing a job or a breakup—but Kierkegaard says you aren’t actually despairing over the girl or the job. You’re despairing over yourself because you can't stand to be the person who lost those things.
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You want to shed your skin and be someone else. You’re trying to escape the "you" that God (or "the Power that posited you") made.
3. Despairingly Willing to Be Oneself (The Despair of Defiance)
This is the "edgelord" phase of philosophy. This person acknowledges they have a self, but they want to build it entirely on their own terms. No help from God, no help from anyone. They want to be the architect of their own soul.
It sounds noble, right? Self-reliance? But Kierkegaard says this leads to a cold, hard kind of misery. You become a "king without a country." You’re trying to create something out of nothing, and because you’re a finite human, it eventually crumbles. You end up obsessed with your own suffering, holding onto it like a trophy because it’s the only thing that’s truly "yours."
Why This Actually Matters in 2026
You might be thinking, "Cool, Søren, but I have a mortgage and a TikTok addiction. Why does a 175-year-old book matter?"
Because we are currently living in a despair machine. Social media is essentially a factory for the "Despair of Weakness." We spend all day looking at other people’s highlight reels, which makes us not want to be ourselves. We try to "curate" a self (Defiance) while simultaneously trying to fit in with the crowd (Unconscious Despair).
Kierkegaard saw this coming. He knew that the more "connected" we got and the more "busy" we became with worldly affairs, the easier it would be to forget that we are spirits. We lose ourselves in the "multitude." It's easier to be a "number" or a "copy" than to do the hard work of being an individual.
Is There a Cure?
If you’re waiting for a 10-step plan to "Fix Your Despair," Kierkegaard isn't your guy. He doesn't do "hacks."
His "cure" is faith. But hold on—it's not the boring, Sunday-school kind of faith. For Kierkegaard, faith is a "transparent" state where the self, by willing to be itself, "rests transparently in the Power that established it."
Basically, you stop trying to run away from yourself. You stop trying to build yourself. You accept that you are a weird, messy synthesis of the finite and the infinite, and you stand naked before the universe (or God) and say, "Okay, this is what I am."
It’s about authenticity. It’s the opposite of sin. To Kierkegaard, sin isn't just "doing bad stuff." Sin is staying in despair. It’s the refusal to be the self you were meant to be.
How to Start Navigating Your Own Despair
If this feels heavy, it’s because it is. But there’s a weird kind of hope in it. If you feel that "off" feeling, it means you’re actually further along than the person who thinks everything is perfect. You’re waking up.
Here is how you can actually use The Sickness Unto Death to look at your life differently:
- Audit your "Synthesis": Are you spending too much time in the "Infinite" (scrolling, daydreaming, avoiding reality)? Or are you stuck in the "Finite" (obsessing over money, status, and chores)? Find where you're lopsided.
- Identify your "Basement": What parts of your life are you using to hide from yourself? Is it work? Is it a relationship? Is it just being "busy"?
- Stop Despairing Over "Things": Next time you’re upset because you didn't get a promotion or someone ghosted you, ask: "Am I upset about the thing, or am I upset that I have to be the version of myself that this happened to?"
- Accept Your Dependence: Whether you’re religious or not, there’s power in admitting you didn't create yourself. You are a "derived" being. Letting go of the need to be the sole architect of your identity can actually take a huge weight off your shoulders.
Kierkegaard's work is an invitation to stop being a copy and start being a self. It’s painful, it’s awkward, and it’s the "sickness" we all have. But as he says, the only way out is through.
Next Steps for Your Existential Journey
If you want to dive deeper into how this works in practice, you should look into Kierkegaard’s concept of the "Leap of Faith" or his other major work, The Concept of Anxiety. Understanding the difference between "fear" (of things) and "anxiety" (of your own freedom) is the logical next step after realizing you're in despair. You might also want to explore how modern Existential Therapy (like the work of Irvin Yalom) uses these 19th-century ideas to treat 21st-century depression and "meaninglessness."