You might've seen it taped to a clinic wall or handed out in a blurry photocopy at a support group. It looks like a simple diagram—a literal wheel with "Power and Control" at the hub and various spokes radiating outward. Honestly, it’s one of those things that looks a bit dated at first glance. But the power and control wheel isn't just some relic of 80s social work. It is, quite literally, the blueprint for understanding how domestic violence actually functions. It’s not just about a single punch or a heated argument. Not even close.
It’s about a pattern.
In the late 1970s and early 80s, a group of activists in Duluth, Minnesota, started talking to women. They didn't just want to know "what happened." They wanted to know why it kept happening and what the common threads were. They realized that physical violence was just the "rim" of the wheel—the thing that held the whole structure together—but the internal "spokes" were the everyday tactics used to keep a partner trapped. This became known as the Duluth Model. It changed everything because it shifted the focus away from "anger management" (which, let's be real, is rarely the actual problem) and toward the deliberate use of tactics to maintain dominance.
What the Power and Control Wheel Actually Reveals
If you look at the wheel, you’ll notice that physical and sexual violence are on the outside. This is a huge distinction. The creators, including Ellen Pence and Michael Paymar, argued that the physical stuff is the enforcement. It's the "or else." The actual day-to-day misery happens within the spokes.
Take Emotional Abuse, for example. This isn't just "being mean." It’s a systematic dismantling of someone’s self-worth. We’re talking about gaslighting before we even had a popular word for it—making a partner think they’re "crazy," playing mind games, or humiliating them in front of friends. It’s subtle. It’s the "you’re lucky I’m even with you" comments that eventually start to feel like facts.
Then there's Isolation. This is often the first spoke to be deployed. It starts small. Maybe they don't like your best friend. Maybe they pick a fight every time you want to go see your mom. Eventually, you just stop going because it’s easier than dealing with the fallout. You’re left alone. When you're isolated, the abuser becomes your only source of information and validation. That is a terrifyingly powerful position for them to be in.
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The Myth of the "Losing Control" Narrative
We’ve been told for decades that abusers "lose control." They "snapped." They "had a bad day."
The power and control wheel argues the exact opposite. Abusers aren't losing control; they are exerting it. Think about it: if someone truly "loses control" and has an "anger problem," why don't they punch their boss? Why don't they scream at the police officer who pulls them over? They don't, because they can control it. They choose to use violence and intimidation specifically in the one place where they feel entitled to have total authority: their home.
The Spokes You Might Not Recognize as Abuse
Most people get the hitting part. They get the name-calling. But some parts of the wheel are way more insidious.
Using Economic Abuse is a massive one that often gets overlooked in casual conversation. If you don't have access to money, you can't leave. It’s that simple. An abuser might prevent a partner from getting a job, or they might make them hand over their entire paycheck. Sometimes they’ll even run up massive debts in the victim’s name to ruin their credit score. If your credit is trashed and you have no cash, how are you going to sign a lease on a new apartment? You're stuck.
- Using Coercion and Threats: This isn't always "I'm going to hit you." It can be "I'll tell CPS you're a bad mom," or "I'll kill myself if you leave." It’s using fear as a leash.
- Using Children: This is incredibly common. Making the victim feel guilty about the kids, using the kids to relay messages, or threatening to take them away. It turns the people you love most into weapons used against you.
- Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: "It wasn't that bad." "You're overreacting." "I only did it because you provoked me." This spoke is designed to make the victim doubt their own reality.
Male Privilege is another specific spoke in the original Duluth wheel. Now, we know domestic violence happens in all kinds of relationships—LGBTQ+ couples, female-to-male, etc. But the original creators focused on the societal structures that, at the time, explicitly gave men more power. Even today, the idea that one person should be the "head of the household" or make all the big decisions can be used as a justification for control.
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Why the Wheel Still Matters in 2026
You might wonder if a tool from the 80s is still relevant in an era of smartphones and digital tracking. The answer is yes, because while the tools have changed, the tactics haven't.
Technology has just given the power and control wheel a digital upgrade. Isolation now looks like demanding passwords to social media accounts or using GPS tracking apps to see exactly where a partner is at all times. Emotional abuse now includes "vague-booking" or public shaming on Instagram. But if you look at the wheel, these are just modern versions of the same old spokes.
Actually, the Duluth Model has been adapted over the years. There are now specific wheels for:
- Stalking: Focusing on surveillance and life interference.
- Immigrant Communities: Where an abuser might threaten to call ICE or withhold immigration papers.
- LGBTQ+ Relationships: Where "outing" someone to their family or employer is used as a tool of control.
It’s a flexible framework because human behavior—specifically the desire to dominate another person—hasn't changed all that much.
The Critics: Is the Wheel Perfect?
No tool is perfect. Some researchers, like Donald Dutton, have criticized the Duluth Model for being too focused on gender and not enough on the psychological roots of violence, like childhood trauma or personality disorders. Others argue that by focusing so much on "power and control," we might miss cases where violence is a result of substance abuse or severe mental health crises that aren't necessarily about dominance.
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But here’s the thing: even if there are other factors involved, the pattern described by the wheel is what keeps victims trapped. Understanding that you’re being isolated or financially strangled is often the "aha!" moment for someone who doesn't quite realize they're in an abusive situation because they haven't been "hit" yet.
How to Use This Knowledge
If you’re looking at the power and control wheel and seeing your own life reflected in those spokes, it’s a heavy realization. It’s not your fault. The wheel was designed by listening to thousands of people who have been exactly where you are.
Knowledge is a start, but it isn't a safety plan. If you are in this situation, the most important thing is realizing that the "honeymoon phases"—those times when they are sweet and apologetic—are actually just another part of the cycle. They are the glue that keeps you from leaving between the moments of abuse.
Actionable Steps for Support
If you recognize these patterns in your life or the life of a friend, here is how to move forward:
- Document everything privately. If it’s safe, keep a log of incidents, but keep it somewhere they will never find it (like a password-protected app or a trusted friend's house).
- Identify the "Spokes." Stop looking at the violence as an isolated event. Start seeing the isolation, the financial control, and the threats as part of a single, unified strategy.
- Contact a Professional. You don't have to leave today. You don't even have to leave this month. But talking to a domestic violence advocate can help you build a safety plan. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) is a standard starting point for a reason.
- Build a "Go-Bag." If you have to leave quickly, have your documents (ID, birth certificates, social security cards) and some cash hidden somewhere else—at work, at a neighbor's, or in a locker.
- Trust Your Gut. If you feel like you're walking on eggshells, it's because the "rim" of the wheel (the threat of violence) is always there. That feeling is your body telling you that the power balance is dangerously off.
The power and control wheel serves as a mirror. It strips away the excuses and the "he said/she said" confusion of a toxic relationship and shows the skeleton of the abuse. Once you see the wheel, you can’t unsee it. And seeing it is often the first step toward breaking it.