It is 2004. You just popped a translucent blue CD into your Sony Discman. You’re expecting more of that "Jesus Walks" soul, but instead, you get a drill sergeant Kanye West shouting about Pilates and mocha lattes. Honestly, the first time I heard the The New Workout Plan lyrics, I wasn't sure if I should be laughing or heading to the gym. It felt like a fever dream.
Most people remember the beat—that frantic, infectious violin played by Miri Ben-Ari. But if you actually listen to what he’s saying, the song is way darker and smarter than just a club track. It’s a biting satire of the "video vixen" era and the extreme lengths people go to for a slice of the American Dream.
What Most People Get Wrong About the Lyrics
A lot of listeners think this is just a shallow song about getting fit to bag a celebrity. It’s actually the opposite. Kanye is playing a character—a sleazy infomercial host promising the world to women who are just trying to survive.
When you look at the The New Workout Plan lyrics, you see these specific "testimonials." There’s Jill, who pulled an NBA player. There’s Asandra, who finally got her phone bill paid and some "13s" put in her Cavalier. Then there’s the iconic line from Alamae: "I been able to date outside the family!"
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It’s hilarious, sure. But it’s also a commentary on social mobility. Kanye is poking fun at the idea that the only way for these women to move up in the world is through their physical appearance. It’s "Free 99" wisdom that costs a lot more than it seems.
The Breakdown of the "Instructions"
The song starts with a literal set of instructions. It’s structured like those old-school 1980s workout tapes (think Jane Fonda but with more Hennessy).
- The Physicality: "1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right."
- The Lifestyle: "Eat your salad, no dessert / Get that man you deserve."
- The Brutal Reality: Mixed in with the fitness advice are lines like "Pick up your son and don't disrespect your seed."
He’s mashing together the mundane struggles of single motherhood and poverty with the glitzy, fake world of music videos. It’s jarring. It’s supposed to be.
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The Production Magic Behind the Satire
You can't talk about the The New Workout Plan lyrics without mentioning that violin. Miri Ben-Ari, the "Hip-Hop Violinist," used a technique called marcato sul ponticello. Basically, she's digging the bow hard into the strings near the bridge. It creates that scratchy, aggressive, "stuttering" sound that defines the track.
Then there’s the ending. The song shifts into this wild, talk-box-heavy outro. Bosko Kante provided those robotic vocals that J. Cole would eventually sample for his hit "Work Out" years later. Interestingly, J. Cole reportedly didn't even like his own version that much—he felt he "let Nas down" by making a radio-friendly pop song. Meanwhile, Kanye’s original was already a weird, experimental parody of a pop song.
Why it Still Matters in the Age of Instagram
In 2026, the The New Workout Plan lyrics feel almost prophetic. Kanye was rapping about "looking like Halle Berry" because of Hennessy and "checking your weave" mid-workout. Today, we have BBL culture and fitness influencers selling "tea" that’s basically just a laxative.
The song captures that desperation for "The Good Life" before Kanye actually wrote the song "Good Life." It’s about the hustle. It’s about the "video ho-fessional" who is tired of putting 1-8-7 in her man's pager. (For the younger crowd: a pager was a little plastic box that beeped, and 1-8-7 was the code for "you're dead/we're over.")
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A Note on the Featured "Cameos"
The music video is just as important as the lyrics here. You had Tracee Ellis Ross playing a French video girl and the late Anna Nicole Smith. Having Anna Nicole Smith in the video was a massive flex at the time. She represented the peak of that "famous for being famous" tabloid culture that Kanye was both mocking and participating in.
Actionable Insights for Music Fans
If you want to truly appreciate the depth of The College Dropout, don't skip this track. It's easy to dismiss it as "the funny song," but it’s a masterclass in persona-based songwriting.
- Listen for the layers: Pay attention to the background chatter. The "Workout Plan" interlude before the song actually sets the stage with girls talking about being "bootleg queens."
- Compare the eras: Listen to this back-to-back with J. Cole's "Work Out." Notice how Kanye uses the same melody to mock the industry, while Cole uses it to try and fit into the industry.
- Watch the Long Version: The full-length music video (over 5 minutes) includes extra dialogue and "testimonials" that make the satire even more obvious.
The The New Workout Plan lyrics aren't just about fitness; they're about the "get rich or die trying" spirit of the early 2000s, wrapped in a neon-colored, violin-heavy package. It remains one of the most unique moments in Kanye's early discography—a time when he could be both the class clown and the smartest person in the room at the exact same time.
Next time you're at the gym and this comes on your shuffle, just remember: you're not just doing crunches. You're participating in a 22-year-old piece of performance art.
Next Steps for the Listener:
To get the full context of this era, listen to the transition from "Get Em High" into "Workout Plan" (the interlude) and finally "The New Workout Plan." This three-song run explains Kanye's complex relationship with "video girl" culture better than any interview ever could. Check out the 20th Anniversary Edition liner notes for specific credits on the Miri Ben-Ari violin arrangements.